Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Original poster

Middle Ages Mumsnet

418 replies

AnyFuleKno · 15/01/2011 16:48

Dear mumsnet, mine husband hath broken his arm falling from atop the midden. How many leeches should I apply?

OP posts:
whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:20

Mistress Somuch, mine Husbande thinketh ye Opposite.

SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:20

[winketh]

jugglingjo · 15/01/2011 23:20

MistressSaggyCatte -Surely an parsnip or the newly seen carrote hath an alltogether better shappe for suche testynge than the comely turnipe ( being as fulle rounde as ye harveste moone )

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:19

Sephrenia, I concurreth. T'would be most vile. Ye Hamme is saltie enough as itte is.
I shalle take ye advice of Goodwyfe Catpuss, ande procure ye Turnippe shaped like ye Thingye.

SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:19

If it were Nyce Hamme, then even more reasonne for thine husbande notte to stick his appendage therein.....

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 15/01/2011 23:17

Verily, my husbade has sent for the apothecary, in order to help quell the paroxysms if my mirth at mistress whydobirds hamme. [grinneth]

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:16

It was moste cyrtainlie ye Nyce Hamme.

sephrenia · 15/01/2011 23:16

Whydo, I agree, 'twould make a most disgustynge dinner. Mistress saggy's suggestion woulde satysfy alle testyng purposes methinks.

I muste saye thatte thy postynge dyd maketh me spew forth mine nightly brewe onto the screene of my postynge contraption atte your replye!

WilfShelf · 15/01/2011 23:15

Mistress whydo, pray tell it was Nyce Hamme?

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:14

Verily, Mistress Catpuss, I thinke that may be ye Waye Forwarde.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 15/01/2011 23:12

Goodwife Whydobirds, mayhap thy lord husband would most verily profit from procuring a turnype shaped like a thingy for the purpose of his testings.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:11

Sephrenia, ye onlye Beaste we possessed in ye worlde was One Pigge, and I made ye Pigge into ye Hamme yesterday. I woulde hope my Spouse wouldst not be stickinge his Appendage inne my Hamme.

sephrenia · 15/01/2011 23:10

Mistress Saggy I do heartily agree in the case of Mistress Wandsworth. Usynge such straynge language is most definitely a sygn. While thou getagoodrodgeringfrom pleadeath for us to General Hopkins, denounceth her in our stead!

sephrenia · 15/01/2011 23:06

Mistress whydo, hath thou no beast of burden whych he mayest prevail upon? I was informed by the mydwyfe thatte thys wouldst notte be unusual behaviour inne a husbande and thatte I shouldst turne a blind eye towarde thys behaviour in mine owne husbande.

Doth thys meane I was ill-informed by the mydwyfe?

SoMuchToBits · 15/01/2011 23:03

Methinketh alyke, mistress Saggy.

WilfShelf · 15/01/2011 23:02

Methinks Mistress Boffinmum is showing off and needs a goode ducking Grin

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 23:02

Sephrenia, but we possesseth not a Bigge Double Endere, ande ye owner of ye locale Private Shoppe was burned as a wytch only ye outher daye. How canne he trye it? If he lyeth with another manne, he maye be stoned (Atte least he maintaineth that it mighte help...).

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 15/01/2011 23:02

Methinkest that Wandsworth mayest be a wytche. She speeketh in tongues, a sure sign of commune with Beelzebub! Mayhap I shalt denounce her to Master Hopkins.

WilfShelf · 15/01/2011 23:01

Takke thy leave of hyme afore noone, and gette thee and yon childe to the Refugium Femina of the Systerhood.

Forgettyng not first to seweth river salmon wythin the hems of deare husbandman's bedcoveryngs and to slasheth his undertunics...

jugglingjo · 15/01/2011 22:59

Mistress Whydo, Perchance thy spouse mite take up with husbande of Mistress Queenie in ye byre.

There he mite satisfye his animal passions withoute disturbance to thy personage.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 15/01/2011 22:58

[grinneth]

sephrenia · 15/01/2011 22:57

Mistress whydo, offer thine husbande anne exchaynge. Telle hym thatte he maye utilise ye Wrong Hole onlye after he hath tryed itte hymself. If he styll thynks thatte thys is notte unreasonable after hys owne attempt, then ye maye aske whether he mayest have a pointe Grin

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/01/2011 22:56

Goodwife Catpuss, I am veritably rollinge on ye floore with ye mirthe at youre Commente.

teenyweenytadpole · 15/01/2011 22:55

Verily ladies of ye mumsnet thou speakest well and with good humour. My Lord hath seated himself afore the fire with intent to view ye match of ye day and I thus retired to my chamber to seek amusement upon these pages. Indeed I have found it and 'tis the Devil's work.

Saggyoldclothcatpuss · 15/01/2011 22:54

Lady Whydobirds, mayhap though shouldst introduce your lord to Mrsthis. She mayest set him from his path, and back into ye wayes of propriety!

Swipe left for the next trending thread