Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

... iirc, one of the Wise men acted as obstetrician

Oh, crumbs, yes, PublicHair (nice name!) - the look of utter horror on my (childless) teacher's face when I wrote the story of the Nativity soon after my sister's very difficult birth. Poor Mary went through every tribulation I'd heard the grown-ups discussing during Mum's labour

Mrs S did go on to have a son, but I bet she delayed ttc longer than she meant to ...

i was ten when my sister was born,i repeated all i'd heard. weight,name and 'she had a lot of stitches' in my news about the baby at carpet time.

Love the bum smacking.

I went to pick up my niece once who I was going to look after for the weekend. I'd stopped to buy my daughter and myself a drink and when we got there she told everyone that:

I'd bought her some orange juice, some water for her cousing and that I had already finished my bottle of wine

It was diet coke - she'd got muddled up with the drinks she wasn't allowed. The inlaws didn't seem that keen on me taking her in the car though!

did n't know whether to laugh or cry when i was pulled aside after school by dd then aged 4 teacher .dd had told her that she and daddy had been reading the "adult magazine daddy reads in the toilet" , on questioning dd she revealed it was the one with all the presents in as she wanted to write her christmas list . i can no longer look at the argos catalogue without cringing .

as a 5 year old i told my teacher my mum wasn't a christian because she wouldn' let me jump on the couch . my rational being that in the song it said i am the lord of the dance settee .

when asked to name a biblical character , i named bertie basset as the prayer said in allsorts (all assaults) of our enemy and if there were allsorts thaen bertie must be there 2 . i was only 3.

A girl in my class wanted to be the prostitute when we were playing football once. This involved standing on the sidelines and joining the game if someone was injured. Stuck in my mind lol.

When ds2 was in nursery his teacher pulled me to one side one morning ......smiling she asked me what 'happened' in our house every morning?
I asked why??

she explained with a every morning ds2 went into class smacked her on the bottom and said 'mornin' darling'....... I had to admit yes thats what Dh did in the morning to me.

did is the word 10 years on and all he wants in a morning is his tea and toast .

One child told me that morning the dog jumped up and bit his dad on the willy. Boy next to him calmly explained 'He probably thought it was a sausage!'
One girl told me she didnt say those prayers because she is a prostitant!

Walking thru town a week ago, past a lingerie shop and DS1 shouts back to me - Look mommy they are like the things you hold your boobies in!!
Just gotta love em!

Aw, doesn't this thread work out your smiley muscles?

I'm loving baby Cheeses watched over by Asians! More, please!

Apparently when I was about 5, I wrote in my news book:

when my daddy goes to the toilet he stands up except when he's tired and then he sits down

My DD isn't at school yet, but told DS teacher this week that "she needed a wee from her willy, because it's freezing teacher. think we need some anatomical chats in our house.

DD told her teacher in reception that 'Daddy works at the Home Office'. Yes, you've guessed it, it was our spare room. He has changed job now and has a long commute. DD has the same teacher this year and has told her that 'Mummy is very tired and sad because Daddy has left us and gone to work in xxxx' . She neglected to mention that Daddy does in fact come back every day.... I was wondering why I kept getting really sympathetic looks and head tilts from her and the TAs....

On a Christmassy note, I spent twenty minutes at work last week trying to persuade a girl with EAL that the song goes 'and all the angels sang for him' not 'asians'.

Also had a child come in to school really late the other day and tell me that mummy had said he could bunk off if he liked but that he had persuaded her to get out of bed and bring him in. I was very proud of him.

I wrote a poem about dinosaurs in about P2 which included the line 'bashing and bonking each other all day'. Oh dear oh dear.

"Mum beats Dad all the time but she says I've not to mention it to him cos he gets embarrassed"

The poor teacher had to probe a bit more to make sure it wasn't as it sounded and then thought it hilarious to share with me at the end of the day.

"I believe you're quite good at playing Scrabble Parly?"

"Erm.. not too bad. Why?"

"Well..............."

My DD's year 2 class were being quizzed on what their parents do, and she said "my Mum spends all day on Mumsnet" [cringe].
I don't, honestly I don't! I do work from home on the computer sometimes though.
DH has often joked I am mumsnetting all day, I could've slapped him!

Arf!

Oh the house white reference reminded me of another precious moment: We were in a restaurant and my son (4) asked what sort of soup was available and I said you should ask the waiter. So he asked "what sort of soup do you have?" and the waiter said "Let me see...soup of the day..." and my son said "Oh good, that's my favourite!"

lol at putty! Mine is Tipp-Ex pale blue for basildon bond myself.

My daughter announced that she knew what mummy's favourite wine was. I thought, oh hear we go, she's going to sa sauvignon blanc, and that's mildly embarrassing but big deal I guess. NO!!! she said mummy's favourite wine that she ALWAYS drinks is house white.

Good job there's a recession on, people nodded sagely.

Doing portraits of friends in art (Y3).
I was discussing skin tones with a little girl who was of mixed parentage. She stroked her own arm lovingly and said 'Yes, miss, because my skin is sort of like the colour of warm honey, isn't it?...' then she poked my arm 'and yours is more like a sort of putty colour, isn't it?' Sadly, I had to agree!

Furry willy? Jeez. Now that's something I've never yet seen.

These are so funny. I remember a girl in the room I worked in as a nursery nurse saying very importantly after drawing a picture for her daddy "my daddy has a very hairy bottom"

When my daughter was about six years old, it bucketed down with snow - similar to what it's like at the minute and, given her age and the fact she'd never seen snow like it, I let her have the day off. I blatantly lied and told school I couldn't drive anywhere due to treacherous conditions blah blah blah.

The following week it was parents evening and her teacher opened up the page and pointed out what my daughter wrote just a few days earlier.

"Yesterday, my Mum let me stay at home just so we could make a snowman"

BUSTED.

However, nobody to date has topped what my eldest brother told his teachers - that my other brother was dead. The entire school prayed for our John for two days before learning the truth.

A festive one...

My friend who is a teacher was asked by a kid how to spell 'cheeses'. She thought it was a bit strange, but spelt it out for him.

Later she read in his story about little baby Cheeses in the manger.