Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

Surely pyromania is more of a worry than nymphomania

At my careers evening my dad and teacher went all funny when i responded to "so what to you want to do when you leave school" and I said "I want to go into soliciting"

I didn't get it all the way home, and dad refused to explain.
I am now fully aware thanks people, and very embarrassed.

I remember my careers teacher at school talking to us and telling us how he'd had a girl come to see him with her parents during parents evening and tell him she wanted to get into soliciting...

One of my charges, when he was in Yr2, wrote in his news book 'my daddy had an operation on his willy'!!
Yep, he'd been for the snip the week before.

In my first year of teaching a child came in and told me that his Dad had taken him to a church in the middle of the night, and it was full of grown ups he didn't know, and there was blood everywhere. I wrote it down word for word and rushed to see the child protection officer, images of satanic rituals buzzing round my head.

She burst out laughing, because she had seen this particular child at the church the previous evening (about 6pm) because she was donating blood there, as was his father!

My sis told the teacher that Daddy had a great weekend - he got to go to a party AND he got to camp downstairs in the living room.

Loving the baby Cheeses and Katie Cointreau

I also made the nymphomaniac/pyromaniac mistake, only to my guide leader, and I actually told her that my mum said I was a nymphomaniac, she stood and looked at me for a good ten seconds before she could think up a reponse.

A Christmas one from when I was teaching, it was on placement so the children would have been Primary 3, and we were preparing for the Christmas Concert. Cue one little lad very proudly singing "Gloria, Hosannah headache Chelsea!"

my older brother had to describe his mummy. he wrote "my mummy is little and fat. She drinks brandy and smokes cigarettes". All true, but she has never forgiven him and he's 50 next year!

On the wall at the school was a description of the mums. My 8 year DS had written that I had blonde hair with a black stripe down the middle. My roots must have been needing done!

Oh God we should keep this thread going for ever - nightly comedy - my sides are sore.
Rostbeef - nearly got sick laughing!!

My son told me the stones outside our house are 'fecking stones' and are different to other stones. (DH keeps telling him to stop throwing those fecking stones at the car!)

He told his teacher that baby Jesus is up in our attic and mommy will let him down at xmas!

And I've just rememebered that my friend is currently immortalised on the wall of her son's school with enormous circular breasts!

arf at rolling penis & wrinkly purple tits

(am only 1/3 of the way through atm but had to get that in )

Very cool! She did rather ruin it later that morning by asking us whether the green troll we were using as an example of characterisation did lots of recycling....

bloomingnora- what a cool kid though!

When we started our Myths and Legends topic, we asked the class if anyone knew what a Legend was. A girl raised her hand and said "Is it an album by Bob Marley?"

Rostbeef, that is HILARIOUS

A friend's little girl said VERY loudly in the swimming pool family changing room: "Daddy daddy do that thing where you tuck your willy between your legs and pretend to be a girl!" she said the silence was deafening.

Raised eyebrows at carpet time when DS informed the class that I had 'buggered off to Shanghai for three weeks'.

My class were drawing pictures of themselves doing hobbies/out of school activities.

As I walked around the class chatting to the children I did a double take. One girl had drawn herself (head and shoulders) holiding what appeared to be a huge anatomically correct erect penis to her lips.

As I stood there frantically thinking about how to best deal with the situation (child protection issues running through my head) the LSA (who could see what I was thinking) said 'hasn't Lucy done a lovely picture of herself singing kareoke'

My dad was a fireman and i loved watching him build some huge bonfires... I informed my mother that i wanted to be a nymphomaniac (pyromaniac) when i grew up...

i had to go to school (to collect my duty freesand drop off kiwi fruits,melon etc etc.
the office staff were pissing themselves laughing.

I bet the teacher confiscated it. Good times were had in the staff room that day, I'll wager!

dd1 rang sobbing from school one lunchtime to say her food tech ingredients had been confiscated. She'd picked up the wrong carrier bag from the hallway and instead of taking the ingredients for a fruit salad had rocked up at school with a bottle of cointreau and 1000 marlboro lights...
she's still called Katie Cointreau at school years later.

In my next life, when I have children I am DEFINITELY home-educating them, and gagging them when out in public.