Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

My brother once wrote a story called 'Nag, nag, nag'

It was about my mother

I remember writing a story when I was young about my dad throwing his dinner up the wall when he got back from the pub. I was a great little writer and I used some beautiful descriptive words to describe how the food slid down the wallpaper.

My mum and dad would have been horrified, but I have to say, that's what a lot of my younger life was about.

Nowadays I'd undoubtedly have been on a register of some kind.

My dd, though, used to tell nursery that if she got in trouble at home her mum always threatened to bounce her off the decking, which was two storeys up. They said she had 'a very special way of linking behaviour and consequences'. I was constantly waiting for social services to call round :)

I once heard my Dad joke that he had a drinking problem - he couldn't get enough of it. Of course I repeated it at school to my teacher Just to make it worse, my Mum was the headteacher.

In Year 3 my son wrote "for Christmas I got vegetables in my stocking."

The police turned up at the door of one of my colleagues because her son told the teacher she dealt drugs. She was a a pharmacist so dealt with drugs

madav cringe

i am afraid i am a secondary teaher but i can tell you lots of stupid/funny things they say...

1. miss why is CUNT such a bad word?
2. When hamsters are in them little balls, are they happy or are they trying to get out?
3. henry VIII liked big balls
4. Test answer- an epidemicis someone who works on a farm

My DN told her teacher that when she grows up, she wants to be just like Mommy and Daddy and spend the whole weekend naked in bed.

They swear that she made this up.

My niece wouldn't do a thing like that, would she?

It's a song.

gordian I don't get it

My son (5) told his teacher " my dads moving to new York as he has problems with his sleep"

The teacher wasn't a Wombats fan

I had a couple of policemen visit for a theft (from me) and they stood and talked to me while I was making tea in the kitchen. Youngest son stood and stared at the younger one for ages and he smiled and said "alright son?"

He pointed to the guy's handcuffs and said "My mum's got a pair of those! I'll go get them."

The younger guy went bright red, and the older guy that was standing talking to me could hardly speak for trying to keep in his laughing. I didn't know where to look.

Can only imagine the conversation down at the station when they got back......

And yes, I did have a pair.......

We were doing a craft activity once in my Y3 class and one little girl turned to me and said 'My daddy has terrible problems with wind.' I really couldn't look him in the eye after that!

I still remember with embarrassment writing when I was 7/8 about my cat walking between the bras on the landing. I meant the bars (balustrade) on the landing. I bet my teacher smiled at that one.

Funnily enough, as a teacher, I can't remember reading anything funny. I do enjoy reading my children's writing though, not for the embarrassing details they reveal, but just their quirky view of our lives.

embarrassingly, my DD (year 6 at the time) told her friend (in earshot of a teacher) that she had bought a vibrator off e-bay...

I'm sure the entire staff looked at me differently from there on.

I should point out that I don't e-bay.

I did a lesson with year 8 once and were doing about reflection. I said it's like mid life crises when you reasses life. They then ALL told me how their parents mlcs had manifested themselves

Vairvrevealing.

Mate of mine had her office temporarily moved to the same road as recycling area. I asked her som if he knew what mummy did.

You guessed it " my mum works at the tip"

I've shared this before, but DD once convinced most of her class, including the teacher, that she was the annoying little French girl from the Petit Filous adverts.

I'm not sure how it began, or what gave her the idea, but apparently they put makeup on her to make her look a bit different. She did look like that little girl, though.

When she first started school, DH didn't work full time due to illness, so she was quite fond of telling people that he spent a lot of the time lying on the sofa eating Coco Pops.

I'm a leader in a youth organisation, dealing with 6-8yos. Favourites...

On a "healthy eating" visit to Sainsburys, one pointed to the top shelf and said..."my daddy reads that one with the girls boobies on". Later that evening, when questioned on what would be a healthy drink, he said "Baileys". Oh how we did tease his mum about the family porn and booze habits! :D

We also had a wee girl tell us that "mum does nothing except sit on the sofa and drink wine"

ANd a boy who old us, on a visit to the police cells, that his daddy had picked up his mummy from here..

I remember my Mum's cheeks scarlet with embarrassment - we laugh about it now but she was quite shy and prudish then. My Dad was met in the hallway with one of those We Need To Talk looks.

I think my Dad's exact words were "nice one, son." Nowadays social services would probably be called!

ROFL, pawsnclaws. I bet your Dad was very proud of himself after that

Oh Lord how could I forget what my own brother said in class!

Picture the scene - primary school 1977. A whole bunch of five year olds being asked what they want to do/be/have when they grow up. DB told the entire class and teacher that his ambition when he grew up was to have "an enormous willy like my Dad."

The teacher told my Mum .