Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

I have just wet myself a little at 'playing tigers'...

Not with a teacher, but at Brownies.....Brown Owl told me that she'd tried to ring, but our phone seemed to be out of order. When I got home I told my mother who replied very frostily with "YOUR father hadn't paid the bill, so it was cut off". Cue next week at Brownies...."Don't worry Brown Owl, the phone was cut off because Daddy hadn't paid the bill".

When I got home I told dm not to worry, because I'd explained to Brown Owl why she couldn't get through. Didn't understand why she didn't appreciate me being honest.

Oh, this is great - keeps reminding me of other things!

We were doing weighing in maths and the children were asked to weigh different things from their tables. One girl weighed a 'penis case' - it was 300g!

PMSL at this thread.

DS once wrote about DH and I that we went out on saturday night and daddy had blue hair and was showing his chest

we went to another parents 40th birthday party which was fancy dress, conveniently he forgot to write this bit.

Tears running down my face at "Miss H liks cok".

Whilst I was about 2 months pregnant with DD2, DD1's nursery class had to try to draw someone in their family and she drew a picture of "Mommy holding a bowl and being sick in it", which to be fair to DD1, I was like that most of the time! The nursery teacher gave me a very knowing smile when the children came out of class that day!

My nephew and his dad were visiting the Nursery for the first time. The teacher took them to see the toilets and while there my nephew said he would go for a wee. Dad stood outside next to the Nursery teacher while nephew shouted from the loo to his new teacher: "do you know I have a little willy. My daddy has a very big willy. Very big indeed. Don't you daddy?" lol

oh thank you, this has cheered me up so much after a rubbish day!
i described my mum as an orphan in a story i wrote at school. i was still upset my grandad had died and very into the musical annie. my mum was about 42 and amused to be compared to annie

When my son was in P1 he wrote My mum kisses my dad, my dad kisses my mum, they both kisses each other. Thank god he stopped there.

From a Year 1 writing book - Miss Harlow liks cok.

He hadn't got the hang of the magic 'e' .

My mum asked a Year One class to write an account of sports day.

One little girl wrote about how in the parents' obstacle race, 'Mr x fell down and his penis rolled all over the playground'.

She meant 'pennies'.

At the start of a new school year I asked my primary 2s (same as yr 3 in England) to write about something they loved about P1 and what they were looking forward to in P2.

One wee girl wrote "In P1 I loved Mrs Smith because she had wrinkly purple tits."
(I think she meant tights.)

The same girl wrote a piece about a special person and chose to write about her baby sister. She wrote that "Janey's favourite thing is boobie. She loves lots of boobie and does it all the time."

This is not as good as the rest of these, but when DS 2 was in reception, he got the hang of writing suddenly at some point in the summer term.
They learnt the word 'out'. The teacher encouraged them to use it in a sentence. DS carefully, and perfectly, formed his first sentence: 'You can go out to the pub'.
No idea where he got that idea from.

My story isn't nearly as funny as these, but I do remember my teacher cackling with laughter then giving me several house points at my diary entry summarising Spring half term when I was 8:

"On coming down to breakfast I found sitting at the table a very ratty mum."

(Ratty being a word we used to use for cross.)

At the time I didn't see what was so funny, but as a mother of primary age children I can now see how the antiquated writing style (like Pag's dd I too used to write - and speak - like a ponce-in-training) that described the clearly 'pissed off that it's half term' mum was rather amusing!

It is such a hoot when these insights come out. One boy recently wrote an (unintentionally) v v funny poem about how he hated his big teenager brother. You were in the house with them all.

It wasn't about parents, but one year 1 child said to me, "I love you. Your trousers are wrinkly, but I still love you." I was pmsl and had to hide it from the poor child who was giving me serious googly eyes.

DD wrote a poem for homework recently at great length about how horrible it was to have a nagging mother who was really mean and having a go at her all the time. Since the reason I had been being the meanest mother in the whole world was because I was trying to get get to write her bloody poen for homework I decided not to object.

I also had a Year 3 child who came to Roman day in the most fantastic outfit - a tunic with gold trim and a wreath of golden leaves etc round his head.

I made some comment about his super outfit and he said 'My mum wears it sometimes for parties'

It was knee length on a 7 year old!

Back at school after camping in the summer hols , doing their news... DS2 told the teacher, ' Mummy got drunk every night with her best friend and fell off her chair'

Sadly it was a) true and b) I work there as well

Two of the children in my class wrote in their news books that they spent the weekend in Portugal with each other! They really definitely didn't, but were adamant about it and describing it ("Really big buildings"!) that I almost began to wonder if it were true, even though I had SEEN one of them with my own eyes on the Saturday!

My mum has kept my older brother's news book and showed it to me the other weekend. One entry reads "I came downstairs and my sister was watching Saturday Superstore. I asked if we could watch Batman instead. My sister said "no". So we didn't!" So - at least I had him in his place....

DS 3's teacher

My ds, in year 1. Circle time talking about feelings. Just for extra effect they had the deputy head for that session.

'So children, what makes you sad?'

DS eagerly puts up hand and says 'It makes me sad when my mummy makes me eat her poo'.

The little sod. He was then questioned and was adamant it was true so had to be pulled aside and questioned and finally admitted it wasn't.

The class teacher was in absolute fits when she told me and actually had to turn her back on DS when telling me.

She is now DS 's teacher

lol littefish

adversecamber, lol so fuuny, I like your name too

A child once told me that their mum and dad had to buy a new bed because they had broken theirs playing tigers.

My, how I laughed when I saw the mum on the playground.

I also got caught out when working with children on pictures of their houses. On little boy drew a castle. I had a gentle word with him, and asked him to draw his real house because "you don't really live in a castle, do you".

Turns out, he did! Or at least his dad did, so he stayed there in the holidays. .

I have a story from when I was little that i've kept as it makes me laugh so much. It says something along the lines of "we went to the fun fair and we went on the waltzers and my daddy shouted to the man to make it spin faster and when we got off daddy was sick! He still remembers that and swears it was the last time he went on waltzers!