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Original poster

Teachers. Admit it. This is a perk of the job isn't it?

334 replies

pagwatch · 16/12/2010 13:22

Just got dds work home as she finishes this week.

In the bag are some things that are mounted and have clearly been on the wall either in the classroom or (gulp) the main corridors or halls.

In one she provides a slice of homelife which is mighty embarrassing and makes us sound like total wankers. She also talks about drinking wine. She is 8.

You find these things don't you, with a silent shout of glee. I have believed this since my mother told me about turning up at my school and on the wall was a picture I had drawn of her and dad 'playing in the bath'.

Come on. You might as well admit it....

Blush and Grin

OP posts:
DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor · 17/12/2010 16:35

It's probably a good job DD was only 3 when I got some letters mixed up and read "We're Going on a Bear Cunt" for her bedtime story.

ElfPantsAtMidnightMass · 17/12/2010 16:28

My friend told everyone at school that her favourite story was Rumpled Foreskin.

Theantsgomarching · 17/12/2010 16:06

Oh god..Flashback!

Mu mum had this lovely moisturiser stuff called cyclox or something and I asked her if I could borrow her cervix!!

DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor · 17/12/2010 15:59

Ah yes. I remember stating that an octopus had 8 testicles. And talking to my mother about microscopic orgasms which were really really small.

WeirdFamily · 17/12/2010 15:51

"wrinkly purple tits"

"playing tigers"

"Unfortunately I couldn't draw and it looked like a great big pink bollock with several willies sticking out at all angles"

OMG I think I may have given myself a hernia

GetOrfMoiLand · 17/12/2010 15:42

x posts with the other tentacle stories.
Great thread pag.

GetOrfMoiLand · 17/12/2010 15:37

I remember writing in my news book of a Monday morning 'we went to the beach at the weekend and saw a portuguese man of war jellyfish and it had great big TESTICLES'

(yes in caps, obv meaning tentacles).

Underneath was a picture of said man of war, with great big massive tentacles coming out of it. Unfortunately I couldn't draw and it looked like a great big pink bollock with several willies sticking out at all angles.

The teacher pissed herself, gently corrected my spelling whilst giggling. I remember feeling HIGHLY affronted.

I remember this because obvioudly the teacher told the staff room and one of the dinner ladies knew my gran - my gran then proceeded to tell everyone. Forever. Grin

ElfPantsAtMidnightMass · 17/12/2010 15:37

playing tigers Xmas Grin

Lucifera · 17/12/2010 15:27

I remember my father being very annoyed, when my brother was maybe 8 or so, to read in a school essay "After tea Dad sits in an armchair picking his teeth."

BrigitBigKnickers · 17/12/2010 15:26

One of our pupils talked in some detail about his father's vascectomy during literacy one day.Xmas Blush

His parents would be mortified!

cardibach · 17/12/2010 15:20

My daughter once convinced her nursery tesacher she had had no breakfast or lunch because I had 'had too many beers at a party' and couldn't get out of bed. She told them she had walked to nursery on her own (at 4). They gave her chocolate cake.

I was actually at work and she had been to private nursery in the morning and my dad had picked her up after her lunch and dropped her at school nursery!

I was a bit Xmas Hmm that they phoned her dad to check this - we are divorced. Fortunately he laughed as the party had been for his teetotal mother's birthday.

pawsnclaws · 17/12/2010 15:16

Love all of these especially the tentacles and penis bits! Ds1 once came home and said he'd been kicked in the peanuts. When I asked him what he meant, he said that X at school had told him the proper name for his willy was his peanuts.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 17/12/2010 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsChemistrySetInMyStocking · 17/12/2010 15:08

PMSL at "mr x fell down and his penis rolled all over the playground" Xmas Grin

KellyBronze · 17/12/2010 15:01

My dd, 3yo at the time, had a small fresh scratch on her arm.

A nursery nurse asked her how she got it.

She said, "Mummy cut me." and before anyone could say anything, she added "with a knife."

Trying to make a recovery, the NN said, 'Oh, but I am sure it was an accident'.

Apparently dd looked really serious at the time and said, 'No'.

Idontknowhowtohelpher · 17/12/2010 14:50

for 3 weeks running dd2's homework diary said "do planning shit" - it seemed a very strange way of putting it.

She meant planning sheet...........Grin

TiggyD · 17/12/2010 14:24

"Daddy broke his leg when he was dancing in Mummy's boots and fell over."

"Mummy got excited and threw wine at Daddy."

DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor · 17/12/2010 14:22

Oh god... I'm crying!

It makes DS1s use of the word "fukkin" in his Y2 written work look positively tame.

tomhardyismydh · 17/12/2010 14:04

false not falls.

tomhardyismydh · 17/12/2010 14:04

when I was little we lived in married quaters and some of the women worked or voluteered to clean the estate, I think they called them wombles at the time, aka tv series. but at 4 in reception when asked what our parents do I told them she worked the streets.

also argued with same teacher that you have three sets of teeth not two, milk teeth grown up teeth and falls teeth, I told her I know i right as my mum has falls teeth.

when not much older we wrote a story, i cant rmember what it was exactly but about someone who was hanged in the olden days, and thinking I was being very descriptive i wrote he was hung like a black man. my mum was horrified to have read it when I brought it home.

Theantsgomarching · 17/12/2010 13:56

A girl in my primary school ran screaming up the yard "teacher teacher francis lacey got kicked with the football and has broken his tentacles"

Still can't look at her now without laughing Grin

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 17/12/2010 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivaLeBeaver · 16/12/2010 22:29

DD's teacher when she was in Yr 3 made some sarcastic comments at parents' evening along the lines "Oh yes, the things she tells us about what goes at home".

I resisted the temptation to slide under the table and muttered something along the lines of "well she tells me all sorts about what goes on at school".

I never dared ask DD what the hell she'd told her teacher.

madav · 16/12/2010 22:21

Pmsl at "cumtwats"

KangarooCaught · 16/12/2010 22:13

"My Dad likes to eat cumtwats"

(kumquats)

Didn't share this with his mother.

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