lost in translation... is this the most embarrassing comment someone could make in all innocence?

At Uni a girl rushed in late to a Welsh language lecture. She was very flustered and explained, in Welsh, that she was late because she had sex on her car.

rhew - frost
rhyw - sex

My ex-boyfriend went to a party where an elderly aunt of the hostess commented that her baby had a "lovely red minge."

My mother once asked me at a family meal if I'd remembered to water her clematis but it came out as 'clitoris'.

OMG - I am absolutely crying with laughter. DP keeps glaring at me because I'm literally lol!

American auntie announced to a packed tube station that she kept all her money in her fanny (fanny-bag). And to a packed bus that she'd worn the same pants for three days.

Conversation on Twitter reminded me of another one.

As an 18 yo on my first trip to Germany on a youth exchange trip, I would order a "dry white wine, bitte".

It took me a couple of days before I worked out why the waitress kept bringing me three glasses of wine.

I should clarify - my friend meant her DS was already u to date with his vaccinations,but didn't realise the connotations of 'prick'...

My friend is German. She recently took her 3yo DS to see the nurse. The nurse was trying to explain about vaccinations, and my friend replied with 'he doesn't need a prick, he already has one'. She was complaining to me outside the school that the nurse was very unprofessional and snorting at her and she couldn't understand why...I had to explain!

I once said in spanish that I needed a frying pan that didn't show up under my dress. {puzzled face from shop assistant]. my spanish was good at that point, I just had a wee black hole in my brain for sartén and sosten.

I heard of a girl in a solicitors office where my mum worked leaving a big note on the photocopier 'please remove clits before using the photocopier' signed with her name. I'm pretty sure she was referring to clips :)

My exH spoke English as his 3rd language and had some problems with spelling occasionally. He had an evening job which he'd usually left for by the time I got in from work: one evening I came home to find a lovely little note asking if I could 'cock' him a cottage pie. A recipe for Loretta Bobbit, I think!

sitting at the table with dp, mil and 13yr old nephew. I wanted to say that i love eating figs in italian. instead i ended up saying a love eating vagina (figa).

English pupils

American relative, a teacher, told all her English to "stop talking and sit on their fannies"

the classic one in France is always to announce after a meal that you are a pregnant cow (when you really wanted to say that you are full)

We went to a michelin star restaurant in France and asked for water, the waitress asked what kind of water we wanted and dh (british) very confidently said: "sans plomb".

My brother and I (both french) collapsed in laughter so much we couldn't even explain it to him, another english friend of ours also at the table with us figured it out after a good 5 minutes. "I think you just asked for petrol!!"

"sans plomb" means unleaded petrol!

What he meant to say was "sans gaz" (which is not correct in french either by the way, he got confused with the spanish "aqua sin gas", what you want to say in French is "eau plate").

The waitress was ever so professional and did not flinch and got us the right water.

A few years ago I worked in a sandwich shop where you had to wear an apron, they had two sizes, big or small. On a particularly busy day there was only a big one left for me to use and being a short arse I was looking at the other staff to try and swap it.
I loudly asked "Tom": "Do you have a big one or a small one??". Cue everybody (including customers) laughing!

My mother (who is a liabilty when out on her own- not be trusted) went down to the corner shop and asked for:' a shag please'

She came back rather confused and said I only asked for a shag and they didnt understand me, I had to point to it.

She meant she wanted a packet of rolling tobacco which is Dutch slang is called shag or shaggie.

She then also managed to point at 2 chefs on top of a ferry shouting above the noise to my 3 year old DS, look there are the koks (Dutch word for chef).

these are the 1st two that spring to mind...

Not as funny as anything here but I remember the big boss of our company coming over from the States to a retirement party for our MD (after the fecking company had made us all redundant ) and he was giving a speech. He decided to tell us all about how when he was younger his mother would whoop his fanny. I don't think he understood why hardly anybody could look him in the eye after that comment.

a german friend could not understand why people were laughing at him. his kids call him "vati" (dad) which sound very similar to farty.

A friend of mine here in Greece once offered to let me use her fanny as I was so hot

A French speaking Swiss friend was working as a tour guide in a coach full of English speakers. She was asked how Fondue is made.

She started by saying, "Well, first you rape the cheese" (as above, raper=grate in french).

There was general merriment in the bus and she enquired as to what was so funny? And was told, "well now we know why there are such big holes in Swiss cheese!"

This is so funny: I am crying with laughter...

My mum is always getting things slightly mistranslated, she used to tell my dad to "switch off" that cigarette (desallumer I think in French, literally switch off) and she once gave someone instructions for a carrot cake with the phrase "rape two carrots" (rappee in French means grate).

On a slightly different note a friend of mine spent a year in Japan and was doing Japanese lessons. One night she went out with a load of people she'd met for a few drinks and a meal. Towards the end of the meal someone offered her some more of something and emboldened by the booze she decided to try out some of Japanese she'd learnt. She knew the phrase for I've and the phrase for had enough so she put them together.... when the table collapsed in laughter she had to ask what she'd said. By putting the two phrases together she'd actually said "I have no pubic hair"