Talk to me about starting 6th form college knowing no one!

My son has just started a college where he doesn't know anyone. Its also not local with a wide catchment area but is the only place that offers this course

He's very laid back, its me thats secretly worried about friendships! He has had a good few first days, met some people to hang around with at break and lunch, noone local to us but says first impressions good and so far glad he made this choice.

DD started at a new 6th form in Sept. It’s a school 6th form rather than a college so the teens have known each other since yr7. She didn’t know anyone at all. She was very concerned about who she’d sit with at lunchtimes. Lessons weren’t a worry at all. I asked on a very local FB group (with her permission) if there were any other new starters. A couple of mums replied saying their daughters already there but would be happy to help. She messaged one of them a fair bit before starting with daft questions & then met her outside the school on the first day, and sat with her and the girls friends at lunch. This definitely helped to take the edge off. Since then she’s made lots of friends and has settled in brilliantly. She’s very pleased she made the move! She is quite chatty and personable though. Is there anyway you / her can find other girls that are joining? Is there a local Facebook group where you could ask (with her permission)? Just being able to walk in with someone or have lunch makes the first day easier. Would she be interested in any of their extracurricular activities as that would help introduce her to others with similar interests. It isn’t easy and I did acknowledge that with DD. Good luck!

I think you need to be realistic about what pastoral looks like in this context- they are realistically not going to be able to do much about friendships- it’s more like Uni. Does she have any interests- sports etc that she can leverage as a way of meeting people through college run clubs etc?

I did this transition years ago. I did make friends but never felt entirely secure in them and did spend some lunchtimes in the library if my friends weren’t in that day for whatever reason. It was definitely easier for the kids from the feeder schools. I’m still glad I changed but Uni was the game changer for me in terms of making loads of friends and having a good social life.

My dd did it she started a couple of weeks late and knew no one and friendship groups had already been formed some girls had come from local schools so already had a relationship she was also 18 to their 16 as she had done a levels at school first. She cried her heart out feeling left out but I made her keep going back. She’s just about to finish now on an apprenticeship and whilst she hasn’t made many friends she’s been able to get her head down has permanent employment at a top law firm and has made more friends at work.

i on the other hand went to college at 16 knowing noone and it was the best 2 years of my life.

I would encourgage them to just be themselves talk to everyone etc I do think the tutors are really good putting people in groups and making them do group work which is obviously an icebreaker too.

DC2 did this last year and moved from the school they'd been able to walk to for five years to one that involves catching a combination of trains and buses. It was a positive choice as DC2's school didn't offer the A-level subjects they wanted to do so the choice was to move or to compromise on the subjects.

I'm really pleased DC2 made the choice they did. They've gone from being fairly unnoticed from Y7-Y11 with the opportunities they'd have liked being offered to the more obvious, extrovert characters, to Y12 where students put themselves forward for those opportunities because they are open to everyone. It's been really refreshing and they've got involved with all sorts of things I hadn't imagined they'd have the confidence to do.

Being new, in a sixth form where the majority have already been at the school for five years has definitely had its challenges in terms of knowing about weird rules or where things are, and being dependent on public transport to get to school on time has taken some getting used to but DC2 is happy, settled, doing well, has made friends and has no regrets about changing school.

I did it 30 years ago and DS will in September. A lot of people will be in the same boat and even those who go up with school friends are likely to make changes to their friendship groups. It’s a fresh start, you get to shed how everyone saw you at school and present yourself anew. She’ll be fine.