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Further education

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Original poster

DS panicked about going to university

80 replies

smalldogdancing · 16/08/2025 00:08

DS is autistic but has managed well at school academically, was the top of his year, got his first choice of uni etc.

He’s just come to me in an absolute state. Says he can’t cope with going, doesn’t know what to do, that he’s thought about killing himself to avoid going and that he’ll never manage.

We have a meeting with Disability on Monday and a Dr appointment on Wednesday. I have said he can take a year out but he doesn’t think that will be good either.

he does tend to be black and white in his thinking. It’s all going to be awful. I actually think he could really like it. But I am also so worried now and I don’t really know what to do. I’ve told him he has my support either way. He says he feels there are no good options.

Anyone been here? Or have any thoughts? His dad will just tell him to get on with it so I’m keeping him out of it for now.

OP posts:
Original poster
smalldogdancing · 16/08/2025 01:06

I could take him to visit though, that’s a good idea. We did an open day and he did like it. He’s just gone full panic and nothing I say seems to help.

OP posts:
Original poster
smalldogdancing · 16/08/2025 01:05

He doesn’t do any hobbies. He’s socially anxious. He does have a girlfriend and she comes round but they don’t go out anywhere. He likes designing games on his computer or playing games. He did so well at school I didn’t foresee this at all.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 16/08/2025 01:03

Is it in another town or city? You could spend the next few weekends visiting and exploring. Find a favourite coffee shop, swimming pool, burger bar close to his accommodation. Get familiar with the bus station, train station, canal, parks.

What does he do for leisure? Find him a karate dojo or the local paddleboard club.

Hopefully he'll feel more confident if he can feel at home in his surroundings before he has to deal with housemates or halls. It's a big disruption to routine.

Original poster
smalldogdancing · 16/08/2025 01:02

Thank you for replying. I can’t sleep. He doesn’t think he could cope with a job either. But I wouldn’t want him home doing nothing for a year. I was thinking he could defer, work, get some therapy etc but he said that sounds worse.

He managed to go to school all through secondary so I just thought he was ok with going to uni. I can see he’s terrified though. I’m not convinced being home would help though. He doesn’t get on with his dad and I think they would escalate. Ideally I would like him to try and know he can come home. I think once he has all his routines there he could love it but he can’t imagine even getting in the car to go.

OP posts:
PrinceRegentLady · 16/08/2025 00:29

So very sorry you are going through this terrible worry.

My son in somewhat similar circumstances did take a year out & it has helped (I hope). When it first became clear he would have to take it I was very worried- imagining him locked up in his room going mad- but it has (again I hope) turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Apart from anything else, if your son works in that year he will earn some money!

If he did take a year out, would he have any friends in the area he can see? Would he be be isolated? Could he hold down a job? (I’m not suggesting he become an accountant- my son did restaurant, pub & shop work.)

It’s really good he has come to you about this & talked about his feelings- however terrifying that is. A good book I found was ‘How to Listen’ by Katie Columbus - it recognises the fact that hearing someone you love say this is absolutely terrifying.

I hope you get through the weekend ok.