A Level Results - Can't shake disappointment

OP nearly 1 in 5 students didn’t make it into their first choice uni this year. Many of those won’t have made their second choice either.

You’re DC’s life isn’t going to be decided by this one point in time. Thousands of different decisions and random events are going to mould the path he follows in life. The way to maximise life is to make the best of what comes to you. That counts for your DC and for you too.

This. One of the richest, most successful business people I know went to an ex-poly while I know Oxbridge people in low paid work decades on.

A year ago DS was in a similar position where he hadn't got into the uni of his dreams. He'd definitely have been able to go to his next choice, but realised he didn't want to. So he went through clearing and chose the same course at an RG uni that he'd never even visited...and is absolutely thriving. And looking back, he can say with confidence that the one he missed out on would have been the wrong fit for him.

I'd suggest (as others have upthread) that he looks at other options through clearing before making any final decisions.

I missed my first choice RG uni by one grade 20 years ago. I went to a smaller, less well known and lower ranked uni and had a great time while I was there.

I now earn £125k+ in an extremely competitive profession because I worked hard at uni but also made sure I got as much relevant work experience as I could while at uni and got my foot in the door.

After your first couple of jobs, I think work experience is much more relevant than uni when applying for a job. I would bet a lot of money that my boss wouldn’t have a clue which uni I went to. I don’t have a clue which uni my direct reports went to.

I honestly feel like not getting the grades was a sliding doors moment for me and I’m so glad I missed them. If I had gone to the uni I planned I would never have met my dh, my kids wouldn’t be here…

For your son this is just a slight plot twist in what for most people is a very twisty life. It’s great that he’s learning how to adapt and see the positives at such a young age.

Kindly, this is a chapter in his life, not yours, and it could be a great chapter.

Not even the UK being snooty. Mostly just MN.

You’re overthinking OP. Your DS is happy with his choice. If he finds when he gets there that it doesn’t live up to expectations, there are ways of changing. If he approaches it with positivity he’s likely to thrive. Concentrate on finding him a great place to live where he’ll meet his lifelong friends.

I wouldn’t encourage my kids to waste mo eu on a second tier uni. Best to either try clearing or try again next year or get an apprenticeship. Sorry

This is such bollocks.

All 3 of ours went to ex polys. Ones a lecturer now at our local red brick, 😂 one did an MA at a redbrick and has a fantastic job in media and one is working quite high up in civil service.

The obsession with red bricks on MN is pathetic. My nephew went to an ex poly he’s on 50k a year with a car now. 2 years after graduating. His sister who also went to an ex poly is finishing a PhD in psychology.

Get real.

And to add to the anecdata: I know of several good graduate schemes that recruit university-blind.

It may still be an issue for the more fusty employers, but I think they’re in a minority these days

“GravyBoatWars · Today 02:03

OP, is it possible that you’ve got a bit of disappointment about the results that is actually sort of piggybacking onto other feelings about DS hitting this milestone and preparing to leave home?”

@WoodforTrees - this. As many PP have said, many ex-polys are fantastic places to study and turn out extremely able graduates. I’m a lawyer and some of my most able and successful colleagues did their law degrees at ex-polys and non-RG unis. Indeed, one of our recently retired senior partners who’s been incredibly successful did his law degree at a poly.

And from what you say, this was your son’s preferred destination in any case.

And perhaps this is in part a residue of the stress and, as Gravy says, about other feelings too. It’s been a huge relief that DD got what she needed for uni (she could only do her chosen subject at her firm) but there are some other big changes coming up in our family, particularly for me, so I’m still feeling pretty strung-out.

Exactly
FFs Op, your ds is ok and will be fine . You should be relieved

My son went to an ex poly university (it was his first choice), got a Desmond (2:2) which he was disappointed with but managed to secure the first graduate job he applied for because the company loved his personality, said he excelled at the interviews and they could see his potential. He has smashed his training year and will be fully qualified and very well paid at the end of this month. His employers couldn’t have cared less which university he went to. It’s about so much more than that.
Wishing your son well.

I did this, not happy at one Uni, transferred into RG uni after first year. They have people who drop out and it’s better for them that places are filled. So I agree this is potentially an option.

OP, is it possible that you’ve got a bit of disappointment about the results that is actually sort of piggybacking onto other feelings about DS hitting this milestone and preparing to leave home?

Our oldest had the news she wanted yesterday but I’ll admit I’ve still got some mixed feelings today because the idea of her moving away suddenly seems far more concrete and fast approaching. I’m thrilled for her and confident she’ll do well, but growth and change always require loss of what we have/had and I think it’s ok to grieve that loss some as long as we don’t burden our DC with it.

I went to a poly while it was still a poly. I graduated with a business degree that has provided forty years of interesting and well paid career.

Some of them are outstandingly successful.

Me too! Only the U.K. is this snooty about ex polys. It’s really classist and elitist. Not to mention the fact that many employers eg civil service and chambers now recruit blind anyway so it’s irrelevant.

I went to a not great “ex poly” (really dicked around during a levels and went to a coasting school where nobody cared - big regret of mine but c’est la vie) graduated top of my year and am a lawyer now, did a Masters at a “better” uni and am qualified in two jurisdictions.

I also know people who went to RG unis and came out with 2.2s but somehow thought the name of the Uni would carry them - it didn’t.

Meant to add, don't let comparison be the thief of joy, OP. Be, outwardly at least, excited for the next phase of his life, as it will make him feel positive too.

I think the potential for lifelong debt and not finding work in the field you studied in is widespread now, regardless of where you studied.

I've been hiring people for nearly 30 years and where they went to uni really isn't a priority. It's about what they've done over and above their studies and whether they're keen, and demonstrate potential. My friend's Oxbridge graduate daughter was sadly made redundant and has been job searching for 6 months. She has a first in languages and 2 years work experience behind her.

I’m not sure this is strictly true as there are other factors at play when job hunting:

-Having a clearer career path goal using your specific degree
-Having actual work experience on your cv

I feel sorry for the majority of young people today who are being conned that having a degree will lead to a graduate level job. It would be better to go back to the old system where the academically gifted went to university and the rest went into employment at 16 or 18 rather than being saddled with massive debt for a worthless degree.

I went to a RG uni and my experience is that it’s more important to be armed with knowledge and support on how you can use the degree to follow a career path/get a job aftee you graduate.

I had no idea what to do after uni and 14 years later although my career is fine, none of it needs any degree.

Agree with this.

I don’t dispute that, but my point was that the candidate with the first from the “ex-poly” was still given the well-paid role. Partly bc of their degree, as I read it. Not solely obv but the fact that it was from an ex-poly was not an issue.

A ridiculously high percentage of degrees (over 30%?) are awarded as firsts these days too so it doesn’t mean the same as it did a few decades ago

Presumably your son liked the Uni he is going to enough to select it has his second choice? Be happy for him