A Level Results - Can't shake disappointment

I felt like this last year as in similar situation. I got over it of course but remember being tearful for days.

hang in there op

Exactly and they aren’t doing the teenagers any favours by pretending that all universities are equal.

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Look, things don't always pan out how you want them to and you don't always get what you want. Your son's attitude will serve him him well - it's how you deal with disappointment and setbacks that often determine your success.

He got his 2nd choice, hardly a disaster. A course or an environment where he felt he was struggling would be far worse.

It's worth questioning why you're so upset - is it a case of living vicariously? Did you feel there would be some reflected glory in his first choice?

He will be fine OP, I'm sure he will settle into and love his insurance.

I've been teaching 20+ years after going to my insurance, Cardiff, and loved every minute of it.

Don't get hung up on the Russell Group nonsense either - we never thought about it back in the day - there are three of us at my school who went to Cardiff and only this June did any of us realise it was in the RG!! it just didn't (and still shouldn't) matter, its about a student finding somewhere they mesh with and can achieve, also about the institutions streaming out students who might not fit and reach their full potential on their course - that is no reflection on the student.

Cut this shit out. Seriously.

There is A LOT OPs son can do to boost his employability

I get it - it’s like the final badge for a parent that tells us we made good decisions about school etc. We hear constantly about As and best results ever when the average grade is more like a C?

i think it can be a good lesson that they don’t always get what we want for them. That’s them growing up. They won’t get every job they want, relationships won’t work out etc and it’s part of that. It might be good lesson to him that he does need to work to get what he wants and things aren’t a given. See the other thread about the Oxford grads who are now realising that things don’t always go their way. We all have to learn this at some point and develop the drive to work past that

I think some posters saying that an ex poly did them no harm aren't realising how difficult the job market is for graduates now.

OP
Kindly, pull yourself together.
I work in a college and have spent the last few days talking to young people who did not get their firm or even their insurance.
Stop crying because of HIS results, and for heaven sake stop this whole 'Russell Group' v ex Poly nonsense.
He is where he is and HE IS HAPPY.

What utter shite. It’s the kind of thing I only ever see on MN, not in real life. OP if this is the kind of thing that you’re worrying about then get it out of your head now (and I say this as someone with degrees from an RG and an “ex-poly”. It’s the ex-poly one that’s got me my career).

This is quite irrational. I went to an ex poly uni and went on to get a first class degree and then a Masters at a top university and then had a career change in my 30s and did another undergraduate degree. I’ve now got a career I love and no one has ever asked anything about what uni I went to. Honestly it doesn’t matter.

Unpopular opinion,(?)

Given the debt burden he is taking on and the job market right now I'd want better than an mid tier ex poly.

i wouldn't be happy either very honestly I'd sit him down and have a heart to heart - either he accepts this path as he is happy with it or aims higher... either fine but I'd support a gap year where he works a job to make and save some cash and then does re-sits and reapplies.

A mid tier ex poly. Oh! The horror!

Check yourself OP

Life’s a marathon not a sprint! Dh (Oxbridge / 2.1 / law) and our friend (2.2 from ex poly) both earn the same now but the friend has a much less demanding and less stressful job for same money so you do wonder!

lots of good advice on this thread I think OP.

I think as long as he is truly happy and not just putting a brave face on it then you have to be happy for him and supportive. Shit happens in life and we don’t always get everything our own way, doesn’t hurt for him to learn that.

However, if he’s not really happy with it then he can decline the place and do a couple of resits and go next year. Nothing is lost!

The only thing I would say about the mid tier ex poly, is that it depends what he wants to do later. I recruit into professional services and the name of the institution still matters in my world. That’s not to say we only hire Oxbridge people (in fact they can often be difficult in the workplace) but we do look for an academic subject at a half decent place.

My eldest son went to a top uni and struggled. He left after a year. They didn't care. He did reach out and try to get support but it wasn't there. I think in a different place with a bit of nurturing he could have thrived.
My youngest got really good results yesterday better than predicted and could easily go to a RG, but isn't wanting to go to uni at all. I feel a.bit sad too. Sometimes things don't go the way you hope they will. But if he's happy then you just have to go with it. It might turn out for the best afterall.

Watch Steve Jobs’ speech at Stanford uni. ‘You have to trust that the dots will connect in the future’. You’ll never see the path ahead on the way, but when you look back, everything lines up and makes sense.

OP, kindly, you’re being ridiculous.

Heard of burnt toast theory? Maybe it’s a good thing he missed his firm.

I got into my firm and it was the wrong uni for me. Should have gone for my insurance. In the end I dropped out of my firm six weeks in and went to a local poly. Think rated something like 112/120 sort of rating.

Despite this I came out with a first and got into one of the top grad schemes in the country (think 15k+ applicants for 100 jobs). I earn in the top 5% of earners, the only reason I haven’t pushed for more is because I have a small child and don’t want to throw off my work life balance.

I learnt SO much from dropping out and restarting elsewhere after three months off. Your son is at a fundamental age where big life experiences will shape what he does and the direction of his life. It’s fantastic that he is happy with his insurance (he obviously chose it for a reason). I’m 33 and I don’t think anyone has asked what uni I went to in about 10 years. And I don’t think anyone has asked about my grades (I have put them on CV and job app obviously) or ever whether I got into my firm choice or not. This is about you, not him, perhaps you should explore that a bit more with a friend or family member? Whatever you do, don’t let him know you feel like this.

If his first choice course is in clearing I would ring them and see if there are places left - and if yes, then ask him if he wants to apply. He can keep his current offer and also consider this uni again.

results day is such a weird thing - our twins got into the unis they wanted but I mostly just felt traumatised yesterday - of all the stress leading up to this point. My son was worried during his exam period he’d flunked his exams and he’d been worried he was not getting into uni at all - so we were prepping for clearing / planning job for gap year etc …. Yesterday he ended up getting grades which would have got him into any uni in the uk for his subject. So while obviously I’m delighted he got into a good uni - yesterday I spent much of the time feeling a nervous wreck.

But I know I will process things and the stress feelings will fade and be replaced by euphoria. We can’t help our feelings but we can help what we do about them. And you’ve done the right thing keeping them from your son plus asking for advice on how to process them.

My ExBIL is super super successful, lived in Asia, America, Europe is VP for a large international company and earns a shit ton of money (helps that he is a genuinely lovely bloke too). He went to an ex Poly way way down in the league table and is the most successful person I know.

DS goes to an ex Poly and is doing a degree that many would sniff at here but you know what? He is so so happy there having a blast and loving his course. He has made a wonderful group of friends and I don't worry about his job prospects because he is a lovely lad and a grafter so will get where he needs to be.

DD has just graduated from a top Uni with a 2:1 (not RG nor Oxbridge) and has managed to bag herself a brilliant grad role in her field. They didn't even mention her Uni instead the offer email enthused on her being 'personable' and that she 'blew them away' with the written task she was given (she had to write a press release). She got the job on her skill and talent not the Uni she went to.

I wonder why you are so upset? Is it Uni snobbery? Is it worry for his future job prospects? Or that he worked really hard and didn't get the grades he needed?

I understand your disappointment op but honestly? It’s more than likely not the end of the world.
I crashed and burned in my A Levels so didn’t get to take up my Oxbridge place and instead went to a very middle of the road place. Had a fabulous time, got a decent degree and honestly? Without sounding like an absolute arsehole, I earn a very significant amount more than pretty much everyone I know and I’m very happy.
Also, an employer, I really couldn’t give a hoot where a candidate when to university. As a pp said, personality, emotional intelligence and work experience far outweigh this. It sounds like your son already has a very positive “can do” attitude. He’ll be fine xx

He does have form for trying to show a sunny disposition through disappointment, but I do believe he is genuinely ok with his outcome.

This is, in my view, a good personality trait to have. You sound as if you don't see it so positively. Are you more of a catastrophiser, or maybe overthinker? I sympathise as I can be similar.

I'm sure as others have said that the thought of his impending departure is a large part of how you are feeling. It will be fine. You'll get through this.

He sounds very sensible and I wish him all the best at this exciting time.

Just to add to the anecdata, I used to be the administrator for a very popular MSc course in a vocational field. We didn't care what university our applicants came from because they were required to have an accredited first degree and the course leader's view was that we could rely on that. They were all interviewed and had to have relevant work experience. The Oxbridge graduates didn't always get a place. Some of our best students came from ex-polys and probably now have doctorates and good careers in the field. In that particular field, resilience, stamina and a can do attitude were very important. Which university you end up in, not so much.

@Cantsleepwontsleepeveragain you will need to come tell the Oxford 1st class graduate that lives round the corner from me. Unfortunately I went to a poly and we both did STEM subjects and I have earnt double what she has for years.

It’s a bit of paper at the end of the day and critical thinking, personality and emotional intelligence tend to out weigh this

It’s awful that parents feel like this. There’s too much pressure on kids.

I saw a whole host of stories from people who shared their experiences of not quite getting what they needed in previous years yesterday and it worked out for all of them.

Exactly this! When I’m interviewing I pay almost no attention to what university someone went to.

no one cares as much about university league tables as they parents of A Level students. To the rest of the world, they barely make a ripple.

my best friend missed her first choice. She went to her perfectly respectable second choice, had a ball, and met the lovely man who went on to be her husband and father of her gorgeous children.

seriously - pull yourself together.