A Level Results - Can't shake disappointment

I've got one DD who is unlikely to do A Levels or university, whereas the other is at the top university for her subject. There are many other pathways and it's about time this "RG university or be a failure in life" bullshit was addressed head on.

I think you need to edit your post to say ‘some prospective employees’ - thankfully there are a lot of people - me included - who hire people without giving two hoots about which university went to, indeed if they even went to university.

18% is nearly 1 in 5 students, so there are many in similar positions.

I got my first choice. I hated it. I'm convinced that my reserve choice would have been much better for me (and deep down I knew that at the time of application).

It's really hard to envisage a certain future and then have that future suddenly change. But it's good your son is happy and that bodes very well imo.

Also OP my ds went to an unglorious non RG uni but is now working in London loving his job, his colleagues and doing really well in himself.
Lots of people in my family and socially didn’t quite sneer at where he studied but almost in the way they would say “where?” And ask if it was a grander place in the same city.
A lot of people are fantastic snobs, particularly around their children’s achievements.

I often think about a former colleague of mine who said how common it was to have disordered eating at her Cambridge college - I mean prestige pressure also costs young lives in ways we don’t want to think about.

LOADS of ex poly universities have much better employability and industry links than RGs (and I say that as a RG grad x2 which would have been helpful if I had wanted to be a management consultant, but I didn't). In the end my extracurricular activities and volunteering got me a leg up in the career I wanted. Just encourage him to make the most of all of the opportunities OP. There will be benefits to being a bigger fish in the pond as well.

Yep. I did Law at UCL - can't say I had that great of a uni experience to be honest compared to friends/colleagues from other lesser known unis who had an amazing time and many met their spouses there.

I got ABC and went to an ex poly which was my insurance, had a great time, got a 2.1 and have done very well in my career.

Cut what shit out? There's a lot he can do to put himself in a better position, eg not rush to the first uni available and do 3 years he'll never get back.

What is the subject even.

OP,
lots of empathy. I know I take my dc’s disappointments sometimes as extremely as you describe.

but FWIW, parents like us probably need to try to be more separate from their experiences. We need to role model how they might parent too. I believe they know when we are distressed even if we think we are masking it.

he may be much happier in his life because of what is unfolding? Only time will tell.

but your irrational response is common I think. We have so much bound up in our children’s success however much we try to resist it.
our society is incredibly competitive and we know that this creates innumerable casualties. But we all know that comparing ourselves to others is not a positive strategy, even though it’s part of our culture.

This happened to ds2. Best thing that could have happened. He has thrived at his ex-poly, enjoyed being one of the top students in ability, got on v well with his tutors and has thoroughly enjoyed uni life. He's just been offered his dream job too. All is not gloom for your ds

My (very big) employer does institution blind recruitment, which many do. I couldn't tell you where any of my team went to university, I didn't hire them for how they did one random Tuesday 15 years ago. He'll have a blast.

Could also have a great future career in medical engineering should he want to later on!

It's not your results day, your university course so don't be upset. He's happy, be happy for him. It's his life to live.

Fine to have a mope but he’ll be fine. Getting into a RG uni is not the end of the world. My son did but hated it and dropped out to go to a next tier down one this year

DS got into his firm- a mid-tier ex-poly, if that's how you'd like to describe it ( it's TEF gold and has brilliant industry links and great graduate employment outcomes). But he's not going. He's depressed and traumatised by his father's death and his brother's mental illness with frequent overdoses. So there are a lot of positives in your son's achievements and his sunny disposition. You have lost perspective and there's something else at play in your disappointment.

I don't think 'Russell Group' means as much anymore (apart from the very top unis) and it has a false sense of exclusivity. There are multiple Russell Group unis in clearing offering various courses for much lower grades than they ask for. I know someone offered AAA at Exeter, they got BCC and still got in. Lots of ex polys have fantastic teaching because they are less focused on research and the student experience is really important to their rankings. Yes, there may be some jobs that recruit exclusively from RG level unis but they are getting rarer.

OP, I think you might be over-identifying with your DS. Obviously, we'd all love it if our kids went to wonderful, historic RG unis and qualified with top degrees. But statistically they can't ALL do that. And it's more what they study, how hard they work and what they come out with, than where they went.

Two of mine went to Sheffield Hallam. Both had a whale of a time, one got a great degree, the other a not-so-great, but they matured, learned a lot about life and, most importantly (well, probably not MOST, but fairly) now have terrific jobs where they earn enough money to be buying their own homes and living very nice lives.

It's what happens AFTER uni that seems more important.

I think there is lots of bizarre snobbery about ex polys. Firstly, it’s 30 years since any polys existed. Secondly, most of these universities focus on practical and vocational courses and therefore have great employment prospects and thirdly, not everyone wants to join a magic circle or whatever company so irrelevant when posters say “well that won’t get you x job in x area!”. It won’t, the same way an Oxford graduate can’t turn up at a trucking company and just drive a HGV. Fourthly, I know lots of people who went to ex polys and they are all in great well paying jobs.

I think it's really industry and company dependant. Some companies do place importance on the candidate's university credentials, others don't.

That's life, different companies are always short lisiting on some basis or other, no-one can ever be all things to all people. Some even discriminate against people with Firsts and would rather a 2:1 grad - again, it's down to the company and their own preferences.

There are plenty of people with the intelligence for a top grade from a top tier uni but not the drive for a career afterwards. There are people with few qualifications who do well on drive. Success usually relies on numerous factors, not just which uni you went to. A successful and driven person won't see a few closed doors as an obstacles.

I don’t think anyone is doing that! I am certainly not. Obviously a first class degree from Oxford is more highly rated in the world than a second class degree from (random) University of Wrexham. In general. A specific uni may have prestige for a specific, targeted course.

But not everyone can or even wants to go to Oxford. And I think if someone has a course they want to study, at a uni they are keen to go to, where they will do well, that should be encouraged. hard work and passion will shine through. Neither of my uni DC went to or are at Oxford. In fact neither was/is at an RG uni. I still think their uni careers were worthwhile and successful, and more to the point, so do they.

Just a gentle note that salary isn’t the only measure of success. (For the benefit of people saying they know Oxbridge grads on low salaries).

Which is why it is really important, and I underline this with my students in 6th form, for students to ask themselves:

1/. Is what I am studying going to result in a job

2/. Will that job still be there when I finish uni or is the demand going to reduce further.

3/. With respect to the above questions do I need to re-think my career choice or re-think going to university.

I have one student this year who was ADAMANT about going to study medicine, got 3 straight A's met the requirements for the offer, but has done a complete 180 and decided to enrol at the tech college to train as an electrician, having ascertained that he will earn more initially and if he pursues a specialist route after the basic 2 years he can far outstrip a doctors salary expectations and have a lot less stress.

I agree. My DS has chosen Reading when he could have gone for a RG and with his grades. He has a lot higher grades for his course which went into clearing at CCD. I think you will definitely find able students at these universities.

And plenty of employers on this thread have said that university choice makes no difference. As I’ve said already, the RG obsession seems to be a specific MN thing.