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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Original poster

A Level Results - Can't shake disappointment

191 replies

WoodforTrees · 15/08/2025 23:19

In short, I feel unreasonably sad for DS following results day, despite the fact that he himself seems perfectly happy with his insurance. He does have form for trying to show a sunny disposition through disappointment, but I do believe he is genuinely ok with his outcome.

I however have been tearful all day today (literally bursting into tears when alone) and am really struggling (but managing) to hide my sadness. I am trying to make sense of my feelings and make it stop. This overwhelming sadness happened once before - around six years ago - over something that should not have triggered the level of emotion it did, and it took me a while to start feeling rational and gain perspective. I don't want to go there again.

I just feel like the whole world got into their Firm yesterday, and DS didn't.

He missed his RG (lowered on results day) offer by one grade (genuinely mitigating circumstances for him dropping that one subject that I won't bore people with) and has ended up at a perfectly ok mid-tier ex poly. All his mates - similar mocks across the year and similar results - some better, many worse got their Firms and are off to top Unis and I just feel gutted for him.

I am also worrying that now that top tier Universities have swept up lower grade students, the mid-tier Unis are going to be half-full or padded out with students that aren't that bothered. And how that will effect the cohort and his Uni experience in general.

I don't know. I just feel really sad for him, i don't know a single person that didn't get their Firm this year except DS and it stings being in that 18% that didn't. I want to celebrate him but I just can't shake the disappointment. I don't understand why I feel so affected by this?

Did anyone else not get their Firm and feel a bit like this?

OP posts:
rhabarbarmarmelade · 16/08/2025 12:25

Cantsleepwontsleepeveragain · 16/08/2025 00:41

I think you are right to be disappointed OP. A degree from an ex-poly is not likely to be well thought of by prospective employers and he could end up with a lot of debt for a pretty worthless degree. Not PC to say that but it’s true.

Absolute rubbish. You have no idea what you are talking about - plus many CVS are written blind these days to stop the kind of prejudicial nonsense you are spouting

Original poster
WoodforTrees · 16/08/2025 12:23

@HonestOpalHelper I do understand the value of the questions you are making your students consider but DS doesn't know what he wants to do, so it's harder for him to answer.

@fannieadams DS is pursuing out of passion.

His degree doesn't give him many transferable skills to take into the workplace, but he adores the subject and is far more likely to do well because of that fact. It's History fwiw. Pretty unpopular these days but given that he has no idea what he wants to do, but knows he wants the Uni experience and the confidence of having a degree, it seems best to go for the subject he is most passionate about.

OP posts:
fannieadams · 16/08/2025 12:11

HonestOpalHelper · 16/08/2025 09:42

Which is why it is really important, and I underline this with my students in 6th form, for students to ask themselves:

1/. Is what I am studying going to result in a job

2/. Will that job still be there when I finish uni or is the demand going to reduce further.

3/. With respect to the above questions do I need to re-think my career choice or re-think going to university.

I have one student this year who was ADAMANT about going to study medicine, got 3 straight A's met the requirements for the offer, but has done a complete 180 and decided to enrol at the tech college to train as an electrician, having ascertained that he will earn more initially and if he pursues a specialist route after the basic 2 years he can far outstrip a doctors salary expectations and have a lot less stress.

Show quote history

Sorry to be an idealist, but I think you should pursue the subject you are passionate about. I realise in this day and age with £60k debt, it should be a practical decision - I just feel sad about this. I am of the era where degrees were free.

Original poster
WoodforTrees · 16/08/2025 12:06

I've tried not to say RG Unis as much as possible, because I am well aware that many of the best Unis don't quite fit the research model required to make them RG. I am generally referring to 'top 20' or 'well regarded' Unis that most of his mates are off to.

He was never an A* all the way student although regularly got As on test papers/essays/coursework, his teachers all insist he is super engaged and contributes well to discussions and debates but he just isn't cut out for exams. For that reason NTU might well be better suited to him in the long run.

I am usually really relaxed and rationale - my sadness has thrown me - you are all helping enormously, thank you.

OP posts:
NellieJean · 16/08/2025 11:22

Velmy · 16/08/2025 00:34

You need to pull yourself together and ditch the amateur dramatics. Your son is happy. He's got a place. Once he's finished his degree nobody will give a fuck about his A-Levels.

You don't want his memory of results day to be of a crying, disappointed mum.

FYI - I've been hiring/interviewing people for the majority of my career, I've never asked for anyone's A Level results, nor have I been asked for mine.

Same here, 35 years employing graduates. Once out of Uni nobody hiring cares about Alevels. Frankly once you’ve been working a few years the same applies to degrees unless it’s a technical requirement like architecture, engineering etc.

Lampzade · 16/08/2025 11:22

People just band about this Russell Group nonsense without actually knowing what it means .
There are some universities which are not RG but are deemed ‘better’ than many RG universities; . Loughborough , Lancaster, Bath , Surrey et al
The irony is that some of the so called Russell Group universities are not up to scratch tbh
DD1 has just graduated with a first class degree from a ‘RG’ university and is now embarking on a part time Masters at an ‘ ex poly’. She chose to do this as she was impressed by the course

I also think that the RG doesn’t make sense anymore when you think that some people are getting into RG universities with C/D grades these days and there are those in ex polys with B grades.

Catsandcannedbeans · 16/08/2025 11:16

Me and my two oldest brothers all went to top unis, middle brother went to a ex poly with quite a bad rep. We all made fun of him and now he earns the more than us combined. There’s advantages to top unis, but hard work will pay off and hopefully he has luck on his side!

heartsinvisiblefury · 16/08/2025 11:00

No3392 · 16/08/2025 00:01

You need to get over yourself. He is happy. It's not about you.

This - with bells on!

AngelsWithSilverWings · 16/08/2025 10:46

What I've taken from your OP is that your DS is resilient. So is mine and while I spent a lot of the past year feeling disappointment, worry and, I'm ashamed to admit, a bit of embarrassment my DD has picked himself up, persevered and a year on from a horrible A level results day is now working in a great job with fantastic prospects. He actually beat a grad from an RG uni in the final
interview round to get this job.

Your DS will be fine and you will feel better about it all soon.

Judiezones · 16/08/2025 10:39

If it's any consolation, my eldest missed his top rank univ place by 1 grade. He ended up at what appears to be a much more lowly university in the same city as his first choice. He really thrived and the university had a good reputation for post study employment in his field.
He got a 1st and a job straight away and now at the age of 33 works abroad and earns a basic salary of just under £100,000.
Yes I'm showing off but I'm also showing you that all is not lost! We were so upset for him when he didn't get his first choice but as you can see it's worked out brilliantly.

Phoebsie · 16/08/2025 10:38

"He is bright and engaged but just doesn't perform well in exams. The fact that he even got a B and C in exam conditions was brilliant."

This is a really important reason why his insurance choice might be much better for him. He's still going to struggle with exams at uni. He might have got the grades and got into his firm choice had the exams fallen better, but maybe his insurance gives him a better chance to "thrive, not survive".

aleC4 · 16/08/2025 10:31

WoodforTrees · 16/08/2025 09:52

Sorry for the long silence and thank you all for the many and mixed views.

I understand people telling me to pull myself together - I am telling myself that. I tried to acknowledge in my first post that I knew my reaction was extreme, that it was probably rooted in something more and that I really want to get a grip of it and not spiral as this happened to me once before over something completely unrelated but a situation DD found herself in that again, she was fine with, but I felt irrationally sad about. My way of stopping that spiral is to rationalise and hear other perspectives, so this is all helping massively

DS is genuinely ok. He loved the his insurance when we visited and enjoyed the taster session they did in his subject.

I think the things that are at play for me are:

DS went to a state school but in a v naice area. He has lots of friends who are private as well, so we are surrounded by people with a full house of A stars and As. It's just 'normal' round here.... So there may be some snobbery/shame/embarrassment at play. It's hard to admit that because despite how I am coming across, I am beyond proud of my DS. He is bright and engaged but just doesn't perform well in exams. The fact that he even got a B and C in exam conditions was brilliant. His shit one was an E and that was for the subject with the mitigating stuff that's boring and not relevant to the thread.

Other factors are knowing that he was in the small % that didn't get their Firm. It's just not a great feeling to be in the small group that 'didn't'.

I am genuinely worried what this hoovering up of students by the big unis will mean for the mid-tier cohort this year.

Bur I am mostly sad that my lovely DS didn't get what most of his mates did I suppose - at the most basic level.

I think that @GravyBoatWars might well be right that there are other feelings wrapped up in this. He is my 'baby' - and will be the last one to go off. I am going to miss him of course.

I can absolutely assure you all that DS has no idea that I am anything other than happy for him - we have celebrated and he knows we are proud.

Finally, his insurance is NTU, so if anyone has anything good to say about Trent, that would also be helpful.

Thank you all for all your input. Even the ones telling me off!

My ds got his results two years ago and had a fantastic degree apprenticeship lined up and a world famous company which wod
have set him up in a job for life.
The interviews etc were gruelling but he’s great at that sort of thing and the exam grades should have been achievable for him.
Except they weren’t. Despite being very intelligent and engaging, he’s seems to be just not an exam at the end of the year person. The degree apprenticeship didn’t want him and he was devastated. Luckily he’d done a ucas application anyway, thankfully recommended by his head of sixth form as a back up.
After lots of soul searching he settled on Biomedical Engineering at NTU which is our local uni so he still lives at home.
He absolutely love the course two years in and is performing so well he has been offered the opportunity to swap over to the MEng from the BEng which he has accepted.
NTU has been a great place for him, really supportive and he loves the chilled vibe there. He’s at Clifton Campus so not city centre but there’s still loads going on. It’s a lovely friendly uni from our experience and definitely wants its students to achieve well as highlighted by the masters invitation. I’m sure your ds will thrive there.

clary · 16/08/2025 10:30

Hey @WoodforTrees can you tell us the subject?

NTU is a great uni. I would never describe it as a mid-tier ex-poly. Just call it Nottingham Trent. Happy days.

We are relatively local and I know a lot of people who went there or go there, both adult friends and YP I taught or friends’ DC. Nottingham is a great, vibrant city with lots going on and a good student vibe. Cheap accommodation, central. NTU has a good rep for sport as well if that is of interest (I know about athletics and American football and both are strong). All the best to your DS.

JaninaDuszejko · 16/08/2025 10:29

I work in a blue chip company. The head of our Global R&D is working class and has a degree from a poly (it was still a poly when he was there). Half of the R&D dept has PhDs and a big number of those are RG but he's way more senior than any of us.

As someone who has been involved in recruitment for years I'd say the most important thing is 1) work experience (for new graduates any work experience, doesn't need to be relevant) and 2) not being an arsehole 3) being able to think logically (recruiting scientists). University, A levels, school you went to means jack shit.

There's a lot of rubbish spoken on MN about Universities. Firstly, RG is a campaigning group of research intense universities, it was never about undergraduates and shouldn't be used as a way of ranking teaching. Secondly, the vast majority of graduate recruiters don't care where you went and don't keep up with if Birmingham or Lancaster are considered 'better' for Archaeology / Japanese / Botany. We just want people who are reasonably hard working and intelligent who can get on with other people.

Cluelessmam · 16/08/2025 10:25

Your son was me (admittedly 15 years ago! 😅) but my point is - if I hadn’t gone to the mid-tier poly, I wouldn’t live where I do, have met my DH or have my delightful DC. Grades aren’t everything and life has a funny way of working out, even when you can’t see it at the time.

opencecilgee · 16/08/2025 10:25

BoilingHotand50something · 16/08/2025 10:15

Plus we need to stop this ‘ex poly’ nonsense. It’s ages since they even existed.

30 bloody years. Its silly

JacknDiane · 16/08/2025 10:20

It does sound like your son is happy and possibly relieved he doesn't have the pressure of keeping up with some of his straight A friends now.

HonestOpalHelper · 16/08/2025 10:20

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 16/08/2025 09:55

Could also have a great future career in medical engineering should he want to later on!

Show quote history

He's thinking about electro medical long term, has been up to the hospital and met some of the engineers up there, all who started with the basic part 1 & 2 City & Guilds and AM2 from college - the huge benefit to that is you start as a qualified electrician before anything else, you can go on to do a degree or wire houses, but always have the fallback of just being a spark.

JacknDiane · 16/08/2025 10:18

You do sound like a lovely caring mum @WoodforTrees. Your dcs will be fine with you in the background. Don't underestimate what a loving family does for children.

ormiwtbte · 16/08/2025 10:17

I am beyond proud of my DS. He is bright and engaged but just doesn't perform well in exams. The fact that he even got a B and C in exam conditions was brilliant. His shit one was an E and that was for the subject with the mitigating stuff that's boring and not relevant to the thread

He did well to get the B and C if he doesn't do well in exams.
With BCE he would really have struggled at the RG university.
He's happy with his insurance choice and that's all that matters. He's not a high-flyer with BCE but he can still make the best of it where he's going, do well and come out with a good degree. He can find work experience on the field he wants to go into and get involved in extracurricular activities.
There will be plenty of other people at NTU working hard towards their degree and future careers. I think you are too negative about "ex-polys" and really after 30 years you shouldn't be calling them that any more.

BoilingHotand50something · 16/08/2025 10:15

Plus we need to stop this ‘ex poly’ nonsense. It’s ages since they even existed.

farmlass · 16/08/2025 10:11

He is accepted at the appropriate uni for the grades he got.

That sounds harsh but stressing out to get top grades to lead to a “top “ uni is not all it’s cracked up to be .
Far better to work to your abilities, do a course you are interested in and , from my experience, you’ll fly in your job, career.

spoonbillstretford · 16/08/2025 10:11

I still have a 30 year grudge against Manchester, it was my nearest university and the only one of eight who didn't give me an offer 😅

topcat2014 · 16/08/2025 10:10

I got good A levels, went to an RG, and got a 2.2. I should have gone to a former poly and got a 2.1 - and then the job I wanted. 30 years on, still bitter :)

Honestly, in 3 years time all recruiters will be "college blind" and it will be the final mark that matters.

Chilliandbanana · 16/08/2025 10:08

My DD missed her firm and insurance 2 years ago after getting 4 grades lower than her predicted. She has since said she hit a brick wall just before exams started after studying so hard for the previous 2 years. She had her heart set on Manchester and her friend was going too. She was devastated on results day but went through clearing and got an offer from a non RG uni. She is about to go on placement in year 3 and I can honestly say she has had a ball. She has embraced student life, made lifelong friends and is excelling academically. She has a fabulous placement in her chosen field and couldn’t be happier. Manchester is a dim and distant memory. My point is your son can and hopefully will have an amazing uni experience if he wants to and it is not limited by the fact he won’t be going to an RG uni. Plenty of people go to non RG unis and go on to have successful careers. It will be fine.