A Level Results - Can't shake disappointment

My daughter didn’t get there firm but got insurance offer .. also mid tier ex poly. She is going into 3 rd year now and has had a really positive time… lots of student support, interesting subjects and has done really well with her results. Had had many opportunities and is going to be president of academic society next year, did an internship and been involved in lots of interesting voluntary and other work like student advocacy . Has had a much fuller experience than my other child who went to a top tier university . Her CV looks impressive but the growth in self confidence, skills like public speaking and just general well being has been really great to see.
If your son is happy and looking forward this is important and I would honestly try and focus on that and encourage him to give everything his best effort and other things will present themselves.

I’d save this thread somewhere and open it in twenty years time when he’s MD of a large company. I’m not saying this too be kind but honestly character, attitude, ability to get on with people, determination etc matter more than which degree, what grade and what Uni

My daughter got her insurance and is thrilled as am I. It sounds as if this is about you some emotional trigger please don't let this spoil your son's excitement about uni. I'm a great believer in things are meant to be you don't realise how fortunate you are try to be thankful and positive. Deal with your emotions away from your son and move on comparison is awful.

Don’t worry about History at NTU - it has a very good and very research active department -forward-looking and engaged. He will learn new ways of thinking and doing. And Nottingham’s a great city! So glad you are feeling happier.

Ah, youngest off to university - empty nest imminent! However, who knows - you might find one of them back with you after graduating, given how difficult it is to afford housing these days. Good luck.

Utter bullshit in my experience.
DS went to a much less well-thought of university and a number of my so-called friends sneered at his prospects. He well exceeded the acheivents of his peers at school.
Not only did he graduate with first class honours he then achieved his Masters with distinction and, 20+ years later, is soaring in his chosen career in engineering. He’s recently been headhunted for a job in the MOD in Whitehall.
Ignore all the bullshit spouted on here OP and I wish your DS all the best! Here’s to a bright future.

Op I think you should be proud of your son.
Some teens really struggle when they don't get the grades they needed for their firm. The world is literally ending. Your son has dusted himself off quickly and is happy with his insurance. There's a reason he chose that uni too.
To be honest, undergraduate degrees are ten a penny now anyway, everybody seems to have one and they are becoming a bit of a stepping stone in themselves . So he can do his masters at an RG or top 20 uni, if he wants too. It's only really on mumsnet that I've seen such a huge obsession for Oxford/ Cambridge and RG (and medicine).
Plenty of people who did not attend these unis have successful careers.

Sometimes not getting what you want is the most wonderful stroke of luck…

Exciting times are ahead for him OP. He’ll have a great time.

I know absolute idiots who have gone to RG unis.

My DS visited various universities some RG but felt Leeds Beckett was the perfect fit for him. He got an unconditional offer there and wouldn't budge. He did so well, settled in, loves the city and now the village he lives in. He's doing a masters there now.

Better a child happy in their choice who will achieve more, than an unhappy one that burns out, in a more prestigious university.

I'm not sure that is true. A 2:1 from an ex-poly will get you further than a 3rd from a redbrick or Russell Group. There are graduate schemes where they specify a 2:1 or higher when recruiting.

History is a great subject for a student who has no clear career idea at this stage. It teaches lots of transferable skills which are valued by employers.

My advice would be for him to engage with the university careers and employability service asap. They will support him in getting the most out of his degree and support him in making decisions about what he wants to do when he graduates. Don’t leave it until year three!

I completely understand you feeling sad, OP, it’s not unreasonable when so many institutions, especially colleges, make students (and their parents) feel as if they have to go to a higher-tariff/ RG uni otherwise they’ve failed. There’s a lot of snobbery about mid-tier/ ex-polys as well, not least on Mumsnet.

Ultimately, longer term, it really doesn’t matter that much once their career starts. I know some organisations only recruit from the ‘right’ universities but I believe that’s on the wane now as businesses seek to recruit from a more diverse range of backgrounds.

I got a Desmond from an ex-Poly myself, but it has never held me back in my career whatsoever. I have worked alongside Oxbridge and other RG alumni and (I sound like a dick here but never mind) have been more effective in my role than them, as the skills needed for the job we did, and what was taught at uni, were totally different. I have also worked with and been managed by people who didn’t have degrees at all, but were definitely 1000 times better than me and were extremely successful. The most inspirational colleagues and best managers I had either went to what some would say are mid/lower tier unis or didn’t even get A levels. Communication skills, empathy, integrity, leadership - these all count for far more than the uni they went to.

Ì think I remember your post at the time. It's good to know that things have worked out so well for your daughter.

I should add that many of my generation went to polytechnics when they were polytechnics, especially if they were from state schools. Nobody worried about it as it was considered a real success to be going into higher education on a degree course at all because only 10% of people were able to do this in the eighties. I went to a small music college and there were two degree level courses - the BA (hons), which I did and the Graduate Diploma, which was equivalent to an ordinary degree without the honours element. Most of us have had decent careers in our chosen fields and a happy life thereafter. My younger sister went to a very good polytechnic to do a BEd degree. While she was there, it changed to a university. It made not one jot of difference to her. I think one of the reasons why polytechnics became universities is that some of them were actually better than universities and offered more in the way of advice for future careers.

History is a really good, very interesting subject to study. It is also a subject where there will be many transferable skills involved, such as research, even if he doesn't ultimately use the subject itself in his future career. I think he will thoroughly enjoy his three years at Nottingham Trent. Good luck to him.

"It"s not PC to say it" is usually a good indicator that someone is about to talk absolute bollocks.

DD’s school put out a very carefully worded press release saying that 100% of their students had got a university of their choice. I think your DS is in good company.

Congratulations to him for his results, it sounds like he has had some challenges, and good luck for his next chapter.

3 years ago my daughter missed her offer she went to her insurance. I think I felt more sad that she did!

For her it had been fabulous. She worked very hard, had graduated top of her year and said yes to every opportunity that was presented to her.

You have acknowledged the over reaction is something inside you. Any ideas what could be causing it? Is there something unresolved in your own education background? (I think that was partially why I was so upset) Empty nest syndrome?

Take the time to process on your own and be enthusiastic in public - fake it till you make it!

NTU is a good uni and I’ve heard good things there. Lots of applications are uni blind so that doesn’t need to be a worry when applying for jobs.

Exactly as @Velmyand @Gcsunnyside23
wrote.
And get over yourself and superior attitude to ‘mid tier’ universities. They can be excellent and the other students will be on par with your son - whatever mitigating circumstances you believe is the reason he dropped a grade he got what he got so why do you think the rest of his classmates ‘won’t he bothered’??
My DD is at Durham and she’d tell you plenty of students there don’t particularly care about their courses. But that doesn’t affect what she does and gets out of the university.
Your son is happy with his choice. Be happy with him and celebrate his results.

Saw a Tweet with two students heading to Aber with AAB.

A few posters this year have said how impressive Reading was on a visit.

Had to laugh at York website before results day saying how students must call them quickly to get a Clearing place at such a prestigious uni - two days later they still have lots of courses on offer.

RG snobbery is dying and a good thing too.

I felt terrible about my daughters results (much worse than she did) - in my case because of disappointing (although still good) A levels for myself all those years ago. I wanted her to give me the celebratory day I missed out on.

Obviously I kept all this to myself - just like me OP there'll be a reason somewhere why you feel like you and its worth exploring that.

Just to add - Im ex Oxbridge and my boss who earns twice as much as me is ex poly.

I sympathise op and understand your disappointment, but if DS is happy with his insurance, then you should be happy for him.

Going to an elite uni is not the be all and end all. It's just one factor where you may or may not get a lead for an internship or job from the alumni. It doesn't guarantee anything.

I think it's disingenuous to say uni ranking doesn't matter at all because it can make a difference in investment banking, magic circle law and management consultancy. But for most employers it really doesn't matter, and most of us are not aiming that high to be honest.

NTU is a decent uni. It's time to celebrate his achievements.

@WoodforTrees sending you a hug. We just want the best for our kids so that when there is a hiccup we can really feel it even when the kids themselves are ok about it. I would not be too hard on yourself. Your feelings will pass eventually. NTU is a good university. My own DC when choosing universities went for an ex poly over a top name University despite being very academic and achieving the grades. Why? Because they knew what they wanted to do and lots of ex-polys have an eye on helping their students get work experience and network. And so far this has been the case, my dc has had far more opportunities to do work in relevant industry than peers who went to the more esteemed institutions. There are benefits!