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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

A Level Results - Can't shake disappointment

191 replies

WoodforTrees · 15/08/2025 23:19

In short, I feel unreasonably sad for DS following results day, despite the fact that he himself seems perfectly happy with his insurance. He does have form for trying to show a sunny disposition through disappointment, but I do believe he is genuinely ok with his outcome.

I however have been tearful all day today (literally bursting into tears when alone) and am really struggling (but managing) to hide my sadness. I am trying to make sense of my feelings and make it stop. This overwhelming sadness happened once before - around six years ago - over something that should not have triggered the level of emotion it did, and it took me a while to start feeling rational and gain perspective. I don't want to go there again.

I just feel like the whole world got into their Firm yesterday, and DS didn't.

He missed his RG (lowered on results day) offer by one grade (genuinely mitigating circumstances for him dropping that one subject that I won't bore people with) and has ended up at a perfectly ok mid-tier ex poly. All his mates - similar mocks across the year and similar results - some better, many worse got their Firms and are off to top Unis and I just feel gutted for him.

I am also worrying that now that top tier Universities have swept up lower grade students, the mid-tier Unis are going to be half-full or padded out with students that aren't that bothered. And how that will effect the cohort and his Uni experience in general.

I don't know. I just feel really sad for him, i don't know a single person that didn't get their Firm this year except DS and it stings being in that 18% that didn't. I want to celebrate him but I just can't shake the disappointment. I don't understand why I feel so affected by this?

Did anyone else not get their Firm and feel a bit like this?

OP posts:
WoodforTrees · 17/08/2025 16:14

@mrsnjw DDs boyfriend has Just graduated from Leeds Beckett. He had the best time and loved it. He did really well and was well supported. DD spent a lot of time visiting him in Leeds and adored it.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 17/08/2025 15:34

Cantsleepwontsleepeveragain · 16/08/2025 00:41

I think you are right to be disappointed OP. A degree from an ex-poly is not likely to be well thought of by prospective employers and he could end up with a lot of debt for a pretty worthless degree. Not PC to say that but it’s true.

It isn’t “not P.C, it absolutely isn’t true. I, as an employer, couldn’t care where a degree is from. If it were the case that nothing but an RG degree was worth anything, nobody would go to any other university. Check out the stats for onward success from non RG universities, they are just as good, better in some cases. League tables etc are a tiny part of the story. I was looking the other day and one “top tier” university in the top 20 in the U.K. scores lowest for most things, second worst in the U.K. for the student experience, but manages to make the top 20 because of the excellent research it does - something which affects very few students.

Stop perpetuating nonsensical myths out of some kind of snobbery for RG universities.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 17/08/2025 15:26

HPFA · 17/08/2025 13:51

You so often see "employers" mentioned when what's actually meant is "a few City law firms".

Indeed. And anyone who knows anything about graduate employability knows that the majority of students aren’t working for city law firms or the ‘big four’. And that’s okay.

mrsnjw · 17/08/2025 15:14

And I have to admit that when we visited LB all the other students looked like him and I did think this was the best fit for him. All quite sporty and enjoy a night out ( we were looking at the sports courses). Best be top for confidence and self esteem than bottom with a load of elite athletes. I live in a very middle class area and the obsession with Warwick and Durham etc. is insane. I know exactly where you are coming from.

mrsnjw · 17/08/2025 15:03

@justasking111my son is off to Leeds Beckett in September. He missed his first choice, Loughborough, by six marks. He has now accepted LB and has admitted he probably favoured LB but felt he had to try for Loughborough because it was more prestigious. I do it OP I’m a little bit sad it’s not RG but I know he will have a fab time clubbing in Leeds!! I hope he makes great friend and get some life experience and starts to pick his clothes off the floor. I want him to go for his independence as opposed to future career. That will all pan out.

WoodforTrees · 17/08/2025 13:56

Cantsleepwontsleepeveragain · 17/08/2025 13:31

All universities are equal but some universities are more equal than others 🤣🤣

I don't think anyone said that All Universities are equal. But I am glad you are finding my search for support amusing.

OP posts:
HPFA · 17/08/2025 13:51

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 17/08/2025 12:26

MN is very narrow minded on this subject.
Out in the real world we see employers of ALL types working with lots of different universities.
This fact seems to offend people on here though!

You so often see "employers" mentioned when what's actually meant is "a few City law firms".

Cantsleepwontsleepeveragain · 17/08/2025 13:31

All universities are equal but some universities are more equal than others 🤣🤣

WoodforTrees · 17/08/2025 13:27

3bluellamas · 17/08/2025 11:21

Aberdeen, UEA, Exeter, Lancaster, Leicester, Liverpool, Loughborough, Manchester, Nottingham, Reading, Southampton, Cardiff, Sussex, Swansea, Warwick, York, Aberystwyth, all in clearing for history and all original pre 92 universities

Thanks for this. Some of these might be showing up in UCAS but certainly lots don't have places left. And many only for International at this point.

But also, DS is happy. If I start pushing him to grab at any Uni that the world deems 'better than his', what message am I sending him? And then if he doesn't make the clearing place he will feel shit. If he was really unhappy, he'd be scouring UCAS and Uni sites, but he isn't, so I am going to leave things alone.

But thank you for taking the time to check.

OP posts:
HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 17/08/2025 12:26

HPFA · 17/08/2025 11:01

I once mentioned that in huge areas of employment, like local government, the type of uni attended didnt make much difference.

Got told that the public sector "didn"t count".

And self-employment never seemd to exist either.

I suppose you shouldn't assume that the current number if unis snd courses is automatically perfect but there's an awful lot of "stay in your lane" around the "too many unis" meme.

MN is very narrow minded on this subject.
Out in the real world we see employers of ALL types working with lots of different universities.
This fact seems to offend people on here though!

3bluellamas · 17/08/2025 11:21

Aberdeen, UEA, Exeter, Lancaster, Leicester, Liverpool, Loughborough, Manchester, Nottingham, Reading, Southampton, Cardiff, Sussex, Swansea, Warwick, York, Aberystwyth, all in clearing for history and all original pre 92 universities

3bluellamas · 17/08/2025 11:07

Obviously if he is happy then that is the main thing.

however- clearing is not a static thing. Laces will have freed up over the past couple of days that were not there on Thursday night/Friday morning. There are still lots of places available at top 25 universities. It’s worth taking another look if he isn’t entirely happy. There are even places at top ten unis available since some will have rejected their places and traded up.

HPFA · 17/08/2025 11:01

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 17/08/2025 10:16

Because contrary to the views held in the MN bubble, a huge number of employers work with universities which sit outside of the RG. Not all employers insist on a 2:1 either.

Many graduate employers recognise that there are excellent graduates from a whole range of institutions. In fact, some post 92 universities have fantastic graduate employment figures and are specifically targeted by employers. These universities often have a long record of vocational education and supporting students in developing the skills employers want.

RG universities are research intensive institutions. That’s their mission group, most universities are part of one. It doesn’t necessarily mean excellent teaching, student support or graduate outcomes.

I once mentioned that in huge areas of employment, like local government, the type of uni attended didnt make much difference.

Got told that the public sector "didn"t count".

And self-employment never seemd to exist either.

I suppose you shouldn't assume that the current number if unis snd courses is automatically perfect but there's an awful lot of "stay in your lane" around the "too many unis" meme.

Hernameisdeborah · 17/08/2025 10:38

farmlass · 16/08/2025 10:11

He is accepted at the appropriate uni for the grades he got.

That sounds harsh but stressing out to get top grades to lead to a “top “ uni is not all it’s cracked up to be .
Far better to work to your abilities, do a course you are interested in and , from my experience, you’ll fly in your job, career.

This is good advice. One size does not fit all. Better to go to the right uni for you, than a high-tariff university that might actually not provide the right experience or course, and be unhappy. RG/ high tariff does not always meanbetter career prospects (also my experience!), there are too many variables to consider.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 17/08/2025 10:16

bumbaloo · 16/08/2025 21:42

But how did he even get an interview?

Because contrary to the views held in the MN bubble, a huge number of employers work with universities which sit outside of the RG. Not all employers insist on a 2:1 either.

Many graduate employers recognise that there are excellent graduates from a whole range of institutions. In fact, some post 92 universities have fantastic graduate employment figures and are specifically targeted by employers. These universities often have a long record of vocational education and supporting students in developing the skills employers want.

RG universities are research intensive institutions. That’s their mission group, most universities are part of one. It doesn’t necessarily mean excellent teaching, student support or graduate outcomes.

YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt · 17/08/2025 08:39

Years ago Dd didn’t get great A level results, she’d been in and out of hospital in sixth form. She went to a mid level ranked university and got a 1st class degree.

She was one of a handful of people nationwide who got a training position in industry after her degree. Lots of people she knows are doing shop work/bar work as they couldn’t get a job in industry after.

Shes going back to uni in Sept to do a Masters and has been offered a place at one of the top RG universities in the country and for her subject it’s ranked in the top ten worldwide.

So going to a lower level university does not mean there’s no hope for future prospects, etc.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 17/08/2025 08:32

bumbaloo · 16/08/2025 21:42

But how did he even get an interview?

Because it was a graduate job, he has a degree, and his employers aren’t stuck up arseholes?

Truetoself · 17/08/2025 07:24

History is a great degree. My DS also missed his firm on results day last year and didn’t want to go to his insurance Uni. However, I think it has worked out for the best as my elder did the same degree at the preferred uni and I think the course and quality of tamgible feedback is better at the insurance Uni.
These days you can do most jobs with any degree. For any graduate course, you need to get past the online assessments first which is the real skill

justasking111 · 17/08/2025 07:18

bumbaloo · 16/08/2025 21:42

But how did he even get an interview?

I guess he applied. 🙄

jensondolally · 17/08/2025 06:48

bumbaloo · 16/08/2025 21:42

But how did he even get an interview?

This comment really demonstrates the snobbery on this thread, that unless you get a 2:1 from a RH (and in STEM not the humanities) then you’re for the scrap heap.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 16/08/2025 23:02

bumbaloo · 16/08/2025 21:42

But how did he even get an interview?

A 2:2 is still an honours degree. Perhaps the student had very impressive work experience and extra-curricular achievements which the employer liked the sound of.

bumbaloo · 16/08/2025 21:42

Greenfingers37 · 16/08/2025 03:50

My son went to an ex poly university (it was his first choice), got a Desmond (2:2) which he was disappointed with but managed to secure the first graduate job he applied for because the company loved his personality, said he excelled at the interviews and they could see his potential. He has smashed his training year and will be fully qualified and very well paid at the end of this month. His employers couldn’t have cared less which university he went to. It’s about so much more than that.
Wishing your son well.

But how did he even get an interview?

WoodforTrees · 16/08/2025 21:09

@AntiBullshit As I said - I am well aware that it's not reasonable. I was initially thinking it was 'disappointment' - and whilst there is an element of that for sure, I am still proud, still excited for him and also more and more of the belief that it's the right outcome.

I posted because I knew my feelings were not rational and having spiralled once before over something that made no sense, I was hoping to get my head straightened out, and I have not been let down. Feeling much calmer and have got my perspective back!

OP posts:
AntiBullshit · 16/08/2025 20:04

If he’s ok why are you crying. You sound disappointed in your son that he isn’t going to what you seem to consider a decent Uni. A degree is a degree no matter which Uni. Perhaps you now need to be less invested in what others may thing and concentrate on being proud on the person he is.

XelaM · 16/08/2025 19:46

It's better to stand out as the best at a mid-tier uni than be in the middle/bottom at a top tier uni surrounded by really hungry competitive piers who can make you feel like shit and make you lose self-confidence.