A Level Results - Can't shake disappointment

I hope he has an incredible uni experience. You are entitled to feel exactly how you feel and it’s not for anyone else to judge.
my daughter is also preparing to start her uni journey next week and I’m proud of her determination and resilience after her initial disappointment (no actually…she was devastated) and I know she’ll be great where she is.
i agree, to compare these feelings with losing a parent is unnecessary, we’ve all experienced the loss of loved ones which is an awful time…but that doesn’t take away the heartbreak & upset of having a dream crushed or any other life experience that causes a person sadness…. sometimes people just need a bit of kindness & empathy.
wishing your son the very best in his next chapter!

I hope you are feeling a bit better about this now OP but just popping on to say that "less prestigious" universities are still full of excellent students and staff.

Not everyone wants to go to those unis that are rated as top for a variety of reasons, and additionally your a level results do not give a full picture of the ability and potential of a young person.

If your son is happy with the outcome then you should be pleased for him and support him in this next exciting step in his life.

A friend of my sisters Dd didn’t get an offer for Oxford - you would have thought someone had died the fuss they made. “We are having to take time to process this” etc. Dear me.

Sorry but two of my younger dds lovely friends lost their fathers aged 15 not getting into your preferred university is not a traumatic life event.

Slight agree and disagree with this post.

It is absolutely fine to cry when you get the results. Showing emotion is not a bad thing and is part of coping with life.

But then, you dust yourself off and move on.

DD missed her Cambridge offer, got the grade but not in the right subjects. She then went into the summer pool so didn’t find out for a few days after results day. I was so proud of her of how she switched to her 2nd uni and has thrived. She has said yes to every opportunity and finished top of her year. I am more proud of the resilience she learnt that if she had got the grades and gone to Cambridge.

When I (as a teacher) helped students apply for Oxbridge, I always emphasised it was 1 out of 5 fantastic universities they applied to. If the got rejected they could give themselves 1 day to feel bad about it and then start focusing on where they have offers to.

I’m sorry but come on! Where is the resilience! Young people “crumbling” and “devastated”!

This smacks of cosseted young people who have always got exactly what they want having to face reality. I’d be disappointed if my young adult child was behaving like this.

I unexpectedly dropped an A level grade so did Dd last year. Yes disappointing but we didn’t cry about it - you pick yourself up dust yourself down and go to the next university on the list. How on earth will they cope if something properly bad happens to them?

Oh no 😢 that's so awful.

You've sort of confirmed what @OP is saying, haven't you? In your own words, you attended a 'not great ex-poly' and then went on to do a master's at a better university (I noticed the quotes!). My question is, why choose a perceived better university for your master's if the ex-poly was good, unless, of course they didn't offer your subject there?

OP, my dd didn't get into her firm either, and she'd consistently said it was the only place she wanted to go. But the biggest disappointment was that she was 1 mark off an A in one subject, and after re-marks one paper went up by the 1 mark, but another paper went down by 1 mark. I can't get over the fact that if paper 1 had been given that additional mark in the first place she'd have had an A.

When I was at uni (90s) i think there was still a bit of a stigma about "ex polys" - i get it's changed to wanting RG these days but I don't think that necessarily means that ex polys arent very good unis in their own right, less traditional yes but thats not a bad thing. For certain subjects they will be ahead of the game and I know LOADS of successful people who went to a newer university and quite a few that didn't go to uni at all. If he is on a good course and is happy then I think that's what matters. If he was on a very low ranked course that was easy to get on with two Es then I would worry that it was worth the expense but it doesnt sound like that is the case

I think you are definitely comparing DS with his peers given the area you live in - its most definitely not like that round here. Here there is a small sprinkling of straight As students every year but the vast majority get average results and go to average unis, very frequently to insurance offers or through clearing.

Hopefully once your DS goes and has settled in your anxiety will abate a bit. Well done to him .

I'm so sorry and totally understand your and your daughter's feelings. Just to say that the dream doesn't have to be over and that it's usually easier to get onto the postgraduate Masters programs, so she can still go to her dream uni later if she does well at her current one.

I feel exactly the same, my daughter missed her dream university by one grade… a uni she’s dreamt of studying at since the age of 12. She passed the entrance exam, had an interview…passed, spent a whole day there getting to know her peers and seeing her rooms… then results day came and that was it…dream over. To watch your child crumble and be so devastated is simply unbearable. She has been incredible though and over the last few weeks has accepted that she’s now off to a different uni (still a great RG uni), but it’s not her dream and as the times draws near to drop her off there I just can’t move beyond the heart boken feeling and sense of loss. I feel like I’m taking a broken soul to start a new life at a place she never wanted to be. My head tells me I’m being silly, dramatic and I know she can still get her law degree, thrive and succeed…. but my heart is literally broken for her. It’s so cruel that her dream was so close, she worked so hard and is a beautiful, kind soul 😔

OP back in the 90’s I missed my triple A firm (before the days of A star) to read law at a RG. I also missed my BBB insurance and ended up in a not particularly well regarded redbrick who I had to beg to take me. I’m still a lawyer (now quite senior) and work for a large very well regarded city firm. Celebrate his successes and try not to think about what might have been. Different if he is unsure - then he might want to think about resits.

Glad you are feeling better about this @WoodforTrees sometimes curve balls in life are for the best!

To add my tuppence - I have a BA and MA from Russel Group Unis my DH went through clearing to a college affiliated to a University for his degree (& definitely the type of place people would be sniffy about!) We both loved our time at Uni, made great lifelong friends. I got better results on paper but DHs career has far outstripped mine & he is in the top earning cohort in the country. The University experience is so much more than just the degree you get! Nottingham is a great city, I am sure your son will thrive there.

We are just awaiting my DCs GCSEs and I am already having to give my own head a wobble as although they are a top set student they didn’t revise as much as they should have & like your son aren’t brilliant performers in exams. I have friends whose DCs will have unbelievably good results and also know others who are just hoping their children will pass. My plan is to avoid them all for a day or two until the dust settles and everyone has moved on!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimpton_Fitzroy_London_Hotel?wprov=sfla1

Kimpton Fitzroy London Group, actually? - bit of a mouthful, and I used to assume that they'd have chosen somewhere else for their 'how do we ensure that we snare as much of the available research funding as possible?' coffee mornings had the hotel already changed ownership at the time, but tbh, it's beginning to grow on me and I think they should go for it and embrace the name change.

Would it amaze you to know that Abertay offers the best computer game design courses in UK or Oxford Brookes' research in history outperformed Oxford's at the last research assessment exercise? But sadly the attitudes some MN parents have are destroying the brilliant non Hotel Kempinski (ex Hotel Russell) universities.

The quality of the university experience does not depend on whether the Uni is a Russell Group or an "ex poly". The so called ex polys (we are now a full 33 years on from the poly era) can be much better at treating students well, and giving them good quality work experience.They can't rest on their Russell laurels to get students through the door.
The one I worked at had paid internship schemes within the university for undergrads and grads, plus many part time jobs for students. Graduates hit the ground running in terms of succeeding in employment, if they were not going on to PG study.
"Russell Group" is a very successful marketing label. Many non RG are above RGs in the various league tables, so in some cases it's just a snob factor.
Are you sad because he's disappointed you? Please don't let him see that.
My opinions are based on relatives who've gone to all types of universities, my own attendance at RG and non RG, plus employment experience at a non RG.
Your son can always get to a RG later for postgraduate, if he wants to, if it matters to him. In my experience, employers do not mind which university people went to. When I'm recruiting, it doesn't make a difference to me. I see it as a product of family background as much as anything.

It depends on the subject. You are obviously unaware that a lot of ex polys vocational courses score higher in the employability rankings than more prestigious universities. 98% of my graduates (yes I teach at an ex poly - oh the shame of it) are in graduate level employment within a few months and most have a graduate level job offer before they qualify. Have a look at the world renowned School of Jewellery at Birmingham City University or the work of the Royal Birmingham Conservatoire and revise your attitudes about the opportunities available at ex polys

Oh and it was a far more employable course...directly targetted by all the main employers, as it was a vocational degree.

@WoodforTreesmy son is the other way round good at exams but absolutely useless with coursework. He can’t organise himself. He got bbc so decent grades and I so wanted him to trade up as it were! His friend got a RG uni with an E in maths. How is that possible. He just loved the sport facility at LB and I didn’t, like you, give him the impression that he was underselling himself if he is happy going there. We should have looked at Nottingham Trent too. I think part of it is empty nest syndrome lumping although I still have DD at home. A friend said the hardest transition in parenting to make was going from director in you child’s life to audience. I get it now.

Meh, as someone who struggled through a mediocre degree at a top 10 RG Uni famous for its reseach reputation and then did another 1st degree at a mid-table ex-poly, I got far more value from the latter, where teaching was prioritised. Enjoyed it far more, much better degree and way more useful.

I think your pride is hurt. Your DC seems to be in a better place and he did pick it as his insurance...

@WoodforTrees my husband went there when it was a met. He absolutely loved it and made lifelong friends who were his ushers at our wedding. He will be fine. You son will be too at Nottingham Trent.