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Further education

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Original poster

How do you guide your DC if you feel they are making the 'wrong' choice?

35 replies

changedmyname24 · 12/09/2024 10:04

Ds1 is in Year 11. He is pretty bright. Doing 11 GCSEs, considering a 12th & predicted 6-9 in all of them (probably a 9 in his strongest 5, 6s in science which is weakest area). He is working super hard & attending all extra sessions plus doing own revision.

His strongest subjects are languages, where he got 2 9s at PPE & he is at an international school, so this is encouraged, they do work experience abroad in Year 12 whether or not they take languages. They can choose A Levels or IB. He would easily qualify for their 6th form.

He also plays football in a local team & has done since age 5. He is a goalie, so not as much running around as others. He is not on the school team. Somehow, he has got into his head that he wants to play football in the USA at 18 & go to a college to study football post 16. My concerns with this are that his standard of football & fitness is not amazing & that it is quite a limiting career choice for him at such a young age. Plus the commute to the college he wants would be unaffordable for us, so he would have to work to fund it. DH is more for it, simply because it's football & because he (DH) did A Levels, did poorly & wished he had followed his dream from 16 or sooner.

DS will not listen to anything I say about careers or education or football, so I have no influence on him at all. The opposite in fact.

So, has anybody experienced this before? What do I do? I'm thinking just sit quietly back & support whatever happens? I just don't want him to get further on & regret it & be upset.

OP posts:
AreYouShittingMe · 12/09/2024 10:56

My son plays in goal, and had the same dream as your son. We went with it, he's currently at sports college and decided that he doesn't want to do the whole USA scholarship thing. He is thinking about studying a subject at Uni he will need A levels for, and he is studying a BTec at college. 🤦🏼‍♀️
We let him follow his own path because I wasn't encouraged to follow my path by my parents and it damaged our relationship.
I would have preferred him to do A levels at the local sixth form college, but I needed to let him find his own way. As long as he has goals that are about wanting to achieve something (and it's ethical/ legal) I will do my best to support him. It was hard, but we just had to let him try, rather than resent us for not letting him.

fairlygoodmother · 12/09/2024 10:51

Does the specialist football college offer other qualifications alongside? If so he can do those and he’ll have an alternative path afterwards. If not, worst case he does an access course or something later. It will be okay in the end.

But I am a little bit gobsmacked by your husband being so accepting of plans based on ‘someone on TikTok’.

sashh · 12/09/2024 10:47

How is he going to fund the college in the USA? Full scholarships are getting rarer.

What qualification would he do? I know it is variable with some offering A Levels and others not.

fairlygoodmother · 12/09/2024 10:41

I think if he has a dream, even if you don’t think it’s the best path, you have to allow him to follow it. Otherwise if he hates what he ends up doing he could blame you for missed opportunities.

However, he plan as you describe it seems unrealistic and poorly researched. What does he mean by ‘play football in the US’? Who would he be playing for? How much research has he done into the pathway?

I live in the US and follow professional soccer and they recruit from a) their own academies, b) US colleges, and c) the normal international transfer market. The standard is sometimes described as between the Championship and League 1.

Your son’s best route into the US game would probably be to do A levels and then try to attend college in the US as an athlete, but he would need to be working on that now. At least he would be working on a backup plan alongside.

From the fact that your Dh is supportive I guess there’s more to his plan than it sounds like but I think it would be very reasonable to expect him to demonstrate to you that it’s realistic.

Original poster
changedmyname24 · 12/09/2024 10:41

As for checking entry requirements- he would get into college I think. As for the USA, he reckons he has talked to somebody on TikTok who is doing it & they think he would be able to get in at least at the middle level.

OP posts:
Original poster
changedmyname24 · 12/09/2024 10:39

We are in the UK. He has actually been quite against travelling to the USA up to now, because he doesn't like their laws on guns & capital punishment, among other things. So quite a shock that he wants to live there!

He is looking at 6th form at a college/academy that specialises in it. Ipswich is his current favourite, it's about an hour by train from us.

I guess I do just have to let go & be his cheerleader. It's hard though!

OP posts:
redtrain123 · 12/09/2024 10:27

Has he checked the entry requirements? The only people I’ve known to go to America to study sport have been elite players - representing their county at least (and one is a Lioness now).

Could he considers a six form football academy instead? I know of at least two locally, that are linked to lower league FA clubs. They offer football training plus coaching and other skills.

Beamur · 12/09/2024 10:24

It's not clear from your post if you are in the USA?
Presumably for a sports focus the college would require a certain level of attainment in the sport?

Octavia64 · 12/09/2024 10:21

You need to let him do it.

Worth talking about back up options though in case of injury etc.

A levels don't really help as back up options as they are only really useful for getting into uni.

Anisty · 12/09/2024 10:15

Yes, you do need to let them go and make their own choices, I'm afraid. Our DD1 was a straight A student but only wanted to do art. She did need to supplement her income for a few years working at Sains but now makes a living from art. We never stood in her way but it was (and still is a bit) a concern as to how that can pan out over many years and how rocky a life of self employment is as regards pension savings etc.

She's in her 30s now and her life is her life so we're just happy for her that all seems fab just now.

DS1 had a turbulent teen time, left home at 18 and moved hundreds of miles away to move in with a partner he met online. Best thing ever for him. He's now got a child with a different partner, a job and is quite the family man.

DS 2 went to uni at 17, did software engineering. His choice. Met a girl online in the States. Spent 2 wonderful summers over there with her. Great experience but, in so doing, missed out on internship opps offered by the uni. A mistake he is now paying for because, despite graduating with a first class honours degree, he is struggling to find work.

You just need to keep in mind that their life is not your life. Let them live it.

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