Year 12 - 2024/25 - Support, Discussion and Looking After Each Other

Thank you for sharing the experiences of your YP! Yes, I think when she pictures France she is imagining Paris. Visiting little independent galleries, sipping cafe au lait in quaint cafes, sketching by the Seine. But au pair roles in Paris are probably in very high demand. Which is why Quebec may be a better choice, as she could choose to situate herself in Montreal and then look for work in the area.

She isn't sure about the foundation year yet. Her great loves are ceramics, glass and metalwork. Some courses with these specialisms offer a built-in foundation year. And it's not really a consideration with certain metalwork courses.

@temperedolive My DD has looked into this option a bit but ended up being put off by the limitations of the au pair role and the hoop-jumping required for a British citizen to meet visa requirements. I think a Canadian citizen may be in a better position, immigration-wise, for a “working holiday” visa in France, but no doubt you’d have to look into that. (Switzerland also may be an option).

A godchild of mine did do a gap year in France, pre-Brexit, but worked as an English-language tutor and didn’t improve his French as much as he had planned. He went through an agency and was placed in a small rural town with little public transport or social life, and felt isolated I think. Another young person we know went to France as an au pair and found herself to all intents and purposes in sole daily charge of four young children (including a baby) while their parents tended to their farm. So it’s really important to be absolutely clear about what is being signed up for.

DD’s plans now are to work in the UK to fund a summer language camp in France, but not to take a gap year. She’s itching to get on with undergraduate life!

Will your DD be doing an art foundation course? Could that, coupled with a part-time job and some holiday travel to French-speaking countries, be a good bridging year if the gap year idea doesn’t work out?

Not sure if I should make a separate post for this, but I'll ask here first. DD has her heart set on an art degree, but she's also fallen in love with French this year. She's talking about doing a gap year and working abroad either in France or Quebec. She's hoping to take some art lessons in her spare time, see the local galleries, save some money and build her language skills a bit before uni.

Has anyone had a DC do something similar for their gap year? We're dual Candian citizens, so working in Quebec wouldn't be a problem. But the sort of job likely to hire a teenager wouldn't probably recruit from abroad so she'd have to go there with nothing lined up and apply around. France would obviously be closer, but all she could realistically do there is au pair. That would mean her accommodation was sorted, but she wouldn't be earning much to put towards uni when she returns...

I work in Enabling Services at university and we often support students with Autism and ADHD etc. Most unis are very good when it comes to mental health support and if she has a specific learning difference she can apply for Disabled Students Allowance. Some also do pre-tours and settling in events to make the transition more easy.

Ds is going with school. He doesn’t have a ucas account yet

Exeter will be first choice here too, @BlackBean2023.

@gingercat02 I think I posted the link upthread, but it is very quick and straightforward for them to set up their own UCAS account on the UCAS website. Useful, too, as they will then get email prompts and reminders when things get going for the coming round.

Was that one of the Discovery Events? I'm trying to persuade DS to sign up for our local one. He says he doesn't have a UCAS account. Should school do this or can he just sign up himself?

We also have struggles going on here. I’ve suspected dd is autistic for several years but she’s never really engaged with the idea. Now her social anxiety, struggles with friendships and various other issues are still hindering her day to day life she’s coming around to the idea. The more I think about it the more I see that she struggles so much with day to day life in the way her younger sister doesn’t. She can’t even engage with ideas about subjects to study never mind which uni to consider and won’t even go to the college presentations about university applications etc. she’s now eager to get a diagnosis if possible so that will be our priority while trying to keep her steady and working hard at college.
had hoped that college would make these issues vanish but in reality that wasn’t ever going to happen.

Thank you so much for your replies. Different paths for different people is exactly right. I can see he will underperform this year, probably then 'lock in' as you say and overdeliver on his predictions, bag these grades and take a bit longer to then get to uni. I'm fine with that - he is smart and is discovering what interests him and he will find a path at some point, he's just not ready as early as the 'system' expects him to be. What worries me is he doesn't yet see he is on a different path to his friends (all fairly high achievers and applying to good unis in STEM), and I worry its going to upset him when he does realise and they all go off on their journeys. They are the centre of his universe right now. And I also worry about what he will do in his year out...he will need to work and go into the world but he has no common sense, practicality at the moment...Trying to convince him to try and find a summer job but just doing his CV was getting blood out of a stone and he just sat there while I typed 😩 maybe a switch will flick in the next 12 months or so... Thanks for letting me vent on here!

I have ADHD, so can speak of my experience, however I didn't know I had it when I was in year 12. I did find year 12 really tough, my predicted grades were quite a bit lower than the grades I eventually got, because I found keeping on top of assignments really difficult, but the pressure of exams meant I could 'lock in' as my students say and for the subject where I actually attended all my classes I got an A and managed Cs for the others where I wasn't really as interested and engaged with less. I was lucky that college didn't have a minimum attainment to get to year 13 and they were sympathetic to me struggling, at one point doing 3 A-levels over 3 years was discussed, but I did the normal path in the end.

What helped was things I was interested in, I was interested in my subjects and I did really want to go to university. I did a few open days and having that goal helped. I had planned a year out and probably should have reapplied with my better grades, but it was 1997 and going straight out of college meant I didn't have to pay tuition fees so that's what I did. I have no idea if I would have been able to be productive if I'd taken a gap year to be honest. I did find independent study at university hard, but I think the fact I was coming from college rather than school helped and I managed to scrape a 2:1 in the end.

I think it is difficult when you inevitably compare your journey to that of people who are neuro-typical. DD is dyslexic (and possibly ADHD but she functions better than me) and when I read on here about people sorting out open days and work experience and aiming for russell group universities it can feel like we are really behind. But I remind myself that there are different paths for different people and if it takes DD an extra year (or even 2) to get to university then that is fine and actually right now she is out performing both me and DH, which is fantastic.

I feel that we are in a similar situation but DS undiagnosed, due to be assessed in a month or so. Organisation and planning not a strong point, has also picked essay based subjects that he’s struggling with (dyslexic and finds it difficult to plan and tackle big pieces of work, very happy to sit down with worksheets etc). Has no idea what he wants to do next. Up to now he’s been happy to be guided/organised by us but with such big decisions ahead he should be taking the lead, and isn’t! Am
hoping that UCAS discovery days and maybe a couple of uni visits will help focus. We’re just hoping to get through year 12 unscathed (he’s quite anxious about the prospect of not reaching required year 12 grades to stay into year 13 so am trying to navigate that at the moment) and realistically I think he might end up applying once he has his grades and taking a year out. I have friends whose kids have done this so I feel ok that there are several routes to get them to where they want to be!

I do hope your daughter is feeling better now @wonderstuff It sounds as though she is in a good place with regard to her future options though. My son has dismissed Reading for the same reason as your DD, but is still considering Surrey. He also seems keen on a university in London. DS was booked on the LSE open day during the Easter holidays but has had to cancel as he's working. He can do the virtual stuff instead and go in September if he still wants to consider it.

Personally I think a gap year (or two) is a really good idea @Zubomama. Sixth form is just so busy, particularly year 13. To me it makes sense to take a year out and consider options, get a job and make some money and/or travel. My son won't consider it though - not sure why.

Nice to have you back @Newlease

I read all of your posts and I realise that whilst our children have their own unique experiences and challenges they have so much in common too.

(edited to remove random duplicated word)

DS must be thinking about unis, because he decided to give up his 4th A-level to concentrate on the core three. He is doing well with all 4, but he can see it is getting even harder. I am so pleased he is so mature.
He is not that fussed about open days. A reasonably good an affordable uni that gives him a good job will do him fine, apparently.

DD finally started looking at universities. It’s going to be difficult because she’s finally got a Saturday job and most of the open days are Saturdays. So we’re going to have to be super selective, some were also offering campus tours you could apply for, so this could be an alternative. She was using uni frog, which is quite good, and selecting solid bets for grades and less than 100 miles away, almost all ex-polys and most in London. Brighton and UWE also there so I’d like her to prioritise those really. She’s dismissed Reading, which is probably the most prestigious in her search as too close!

@Zubomama it's really hard when you can see that they're not following what their peers are doing. DD1 refused to look at university other than to agree to do an art foundation locally. I think that it was anxiety based and she was terrified to commit to anything. In her art foundation year she changed her attitude and found a course she wanted to do and applied with no help from us, she refused any support, I have no idea what she wrote on her UCAS form! My nephew and the son of a good friend are also taking a year out and DD2 will also do that. I'm trying to remind myself that life is a marathon not a sprint.

We have had a progress check and parents evening. All reasonably promising. Predicted grades, minimum of C in History and Geography and Distinction in Applied Business.
We are all happy with that, but aware he needs to push on a bit

Hi all - havent been on here for a while but was wondering if anyone has (or has had) a Year 12 child with ADHD and if so, how they are coping with the widening gap between what the system expects from them at this point, and what they are able to do. Im not coping very well (this fires up my anxiety), so words of wisdom or reassurance would be most welcome.

DS is doing some work and may end up having decent grades as he tends to ramp up by the time the exams approach..but his first mocks were far from great.

And despite our best efforts he is not doing anything beyond the homework set up on the school app. No reading, no uni research, not looking for volunteering or work experience. Signed up for EPQ enthusiastically and has done nothing 5 months on so has missed that boat. Then signed up for a smaller independent research project and...nothing since.

He watches some podcasts around philosophy/theology as thinks he may do that at uni at some point, but cannot project himself into the future at all and not doing any extracurricular and therefore wont have anything useful to put on a personal statement. I dragged him to an open day near us, and to a couple of lectures, but everything has to be initiated by me/DH.

I can see he wont be ready to go to uni straight away, as he has very little independent studying/living skills. But he is bright and the best I can hope for is he does quite well in the A levels, bags them and maybe applies later when he is ready.

However, now we re in the season of open days, UCAS account creation etc and the pressure is building, I am finding it so stressful that he isn't stepping up or owning the process in any way. I know his ADHD means its nearly impossible for him to, but I am lost as to how much I accept this vs how much I compensate so he doesn't fall out of the system completely.

Sorry, rant over...

I have been too busy trying to get my Yr7 understanding that secondary takes a lot more work than primary school, completely fallen off following this thread also other life complications :(
@bluefineliner lovely that you got to talk to the teacher and they understand your daughter, that’s reassuring. Also I was reading through all the posts and wonder why my DD is not listing the uni visits, and your first line makes a lot of sense.

No decided on courses or Uni yet, and I am worried about this.
Lots of class tests, other virtual competitions and all that taking a toll on DD so when she gets few days free, she is not even looking/reading through unis or anything, that needs brain 😬
@Techno56 Thanks for posting those links, having a look now :)
although she found IT work experience through a friend, she wanted to do Engineering which seems to be very difficult to get work experience
Don’t want to tag everyone but thank you so much for all the insightful posts, I wish I had read these in past two months rather than trying to worry about it myself

Ah @wonderstuff your poor DD, I hope she has had time to recover now. It is difficult to understand sometimes because with my adult hindsight I can sometimes forget how important things seem in the present for teenagers. What seems to be something that can be got over and moved on from seems to appear insurmountable for DD at times. She does get over it, just after she has poured all her emotion and stress on me for hours 😂.

She had a bad couple of days this week and I was on edge waiting for texts from her whilst working, which she randomly sends if she's feeling sad. One particular day I was awaiting the outcome of something important to her (think friendship things) and heard nothing. Eventually sent a message at the end of the day asking how her day went... 'oh pretty good actually' was the reply 🙄.

I should be used to this by now!

I think it is challenging. DD also very reluctant to engage in university discussions. Yesterday she had a panic attack, my step dad picked her up from college, too distressed to carry on her day. She called me sobbing it was awful.

She thinks it was triggered by running for the bus! Her heart rate went up and she couldn’t get it down and she got more and more anxious about it until at lunchtime she broke down! College has a well-being hub and I’m encouraging her to access that, but she doesn’t want to. I don’t understand why. She is saying she’ll maybe see the GP, but I think she’s got more chance of seeing someone quickly through college.

Parenting doesn’t get easier does it?

I do wonder sometimes if it is a fear of making those really big decisions so easier to ignore them for now and just go day by day.

DD has always been pretty motivated but I definitely sense a reluctance to fully emerge herself in discussions, as if by doing it she has to really face the fact she will have to live on her own in only 18 months! She is starting to mention being able to cook certain things herself and needing to learn more and I think underneath it is making her feel more anxious too.

I don't mind a gap year for her but want her to explore everything to make the best decision so am keeping up the uni prep for now.

I didn't have this with my eldest DD, she just went off happily after A levels 😂.

Really wish DS could be organised / interested in planning his next step. Still insisting he is not going to uni. Not organised work experience not found a part time job.
Only applied for 1 after I gave him the details, even got told he was hired for events then told they would register him for event nearby but nothing since.