Year 12 - 2024/25 - Support, Discussion and Looking After Each Other

It has gone quick. Although I'm a teacher and I'm counting the days for the end of term, it's been a tough one.

I'm so proud of DD (can't brag in real life but feel I can here). She's just taken it all in her stride. She is naturally quite anxious - gets it from me I think - but she's gritted her teeth and done the stuff. She's had exams this week, she thinks maths wasn't great, but she is happy elsewhere. She had 1:1 target setting meetings with all her subject teachers, which she was nervous for but they went fine. Her economics teacher told her she should be aiming for an A and Russell group uni (I'm not convince RG is always best, but nice to have someone show confidence in her). She passed her driving theory test today and has had her first driving lessons. The only thing she hasn't managed is to get a job, which is proving much harder than these things did back in my day.. And she's generally quite lovely.

@Waspie that is all positive, It does seem like a long term, but because A levels are so short, as soon as you look forward there seems like barely any time left! I feel as you do about reflecting on the new school thing, DD has now settled very well and is doing well too. I definitely think the move was a good thing for her and will help her going forward adapting to new environments.

@JessyCarr making the decisions to drop/change subjects I feel gives more focus on what they are really interested in and enables them to put their all in. DD swapped early on to psychology and all going ok. The focus is now on getting the predicted grades they need!

DD's biggest stresses seem to be doing practicals in bio and chem. She is doing ok at them but does worry about it too much beforehand 😀.

Sounds good @Waspie. DD has made the decision to drop Psychology and carry on with French, Economics and Politics. It’s the right choice for her and I think having that bit of spare bandwidth will help enormously going forward.

Hope you and your DC are all well and looking forward to the Christmas break
I can't believe there is only two weeks of term left; in one way it seems to have lasted for years with so much going on, and in another it has flown by!

DS' school has signed all year 12's up to Unifrog and invited them to start putting in information as and when they chose.

He did pretty well in his Economics assessments and has a planned essay for History next week. It will be timed during class, but they have been given the question in advance so they can do some prep.

Looking back at the term I think DS had a tough first half settling in to a new school with a totally different ethos and work ethic, but seems to have settled in the second half, joined some clubs, the rugby team, made a few friends and got a decent routine going. On balance, not a bad start to sixth form life. Hope your DC have also had a positive first term in year 12.

Hi,

I've been quietly reading your updates. @steppemum and @JessyCarr the social side of 6th form can be so tough. Just when you think they are settling something can upset them again!

DD has been prickly for the past couple of weeks, I know she is tired, wants to work at her p/t job as she loves the team but is getting tired balancing it with school too. One day she loves chem, then hates it, now loves bio, I just smile and nod when she comes home ranting about some test or other 😁.

Spent most of the day with DD on a zoom conference on getting into dentistry school, which although she had a wobble about doing it (too tired, cba etc) was very informative and reassured her that she can still do it if she wants to. I think she'd had pressure from classmates all wanting to do medicine who have been doing work experience and volunteering for years making her feel inadequate already!

I feel 6th form is going to be even more stressful than GCSEs already! The mention of UCAT is making both me and DD feel stressed 😂.

I agree @Pythag . Very difficult to work out from these what she should be aiming for in exams.

Personally I don’t think “working at” is a useful description for grades for someone in year 12. I think the grading scale should be the same grading scale for their relevant final exams (ie A* to U if they are doing A-levels).

I think this is much more useful to everyone.

We've just had DD's termly report card. Her effort grades are great which is the main thing so we're proud of her for that. But I have a nagging curiosity about actual grades too. She's shown as having 'working at' grades. Will those be likely to be higher by the end of the course (assume so, her sibling's were) and if so what's the likely addition? Can't go by sibling's experience as there were complicating factors. Don't feel I can ask school at this point as we've just had parents' evening which I couldn't attend due to my job and DH didn't ask...

JessyCarr soryr to hear your dd is having a wobble. Yes rejection sensitivity is definietly part of the ADHD landscape!

Wow @Countrylife2002 you deserve to be proud. So sorry to hear what you and DC have been through.

There’s no hurry re open days - they tend to happen in the autumn and the summer, and lots of 6th forms don’t want the Y12s to go too early before they’ve got an idea of projected grades. DD has visited one university already, but she is particularly focused on a niche subject area and there’s no real mystery about where she will be applying to.

We are OK but DD is having a social wobble. It’s a recurring feature of her school life since Y7 - she always feels unpopular or socially overlooked, but it’s hard to work out whether that’s really the case or whether she’s hypersensitive to situations which wouldn’t bother others. Her peers always seem to like her, so I don’t think it’s a case of her offending people or whatever, but she has a persistent feeling of being a bit socially isolated, a bit of an outsider. She has a recent diagnosis of ADHD which may be relevant. Do others recognise this as part of the ADHD landscape?

Open days aren’t until the summer are they ? (Panic!)

DD has Oxford St Andrews and kcl
on her shortlist. St Andrews will be pricey for an open day but I think we have to go. And I had vetoed London unis due to the cost but she is adamant she loves the course, and we would be eligible for their affordable housing scheme so that would help. I’ve made it clear she would definitely have to work and her current co has a branch opening in London so she’s been told she could transfer there so that’s workable financially now I think.

I earn a few 100 below the means tested income for various bursaries & one of the maintenance levels so need to make sure my income doesn’t rise - the maintenance loan is going up 3.1 percent in April and my income certainly won’t so should be ok. It’s the first time I’ll (selfishly) ever vote to accept the standard below inflation rise at work. Strange times.

DD is absolutely loving college and doing exceptionally well. She’s also gaining so much confidence from working. It’s lovely to see her flourish especially as she had a pretty tough childhood due to DV and the instability that caused. I’m so proud of us both !

They sound very focused. A friend's DC is at an Oxbridge college and they researched and applied to a wealthy one on the grounds that there would be more chance of financial support there.

DS wants to do law and DD wants to do medicine. They are both on track to get the required grades. Hoping DD will choose to do medicine here so she can live at home.
Some of the schemes are really good and I’m pleased that they’ve thrown themselves into researching them.

@Curlyshabtree do they know what they want to study? Does that have a bearing on the schemes that they can apply to?

All good here, both enjoying it, keeping up with the work (and getting great grades). They are applying to every social mobility scheme going to give them the best chance to get into uni. We’re a low income family in one of the UK’s most deprived post codes and there is no way I’ll be able to support them both. I find it a bit daunting and I worry about how they will manage.

I hope a decent solution is found @steppemum, that is really miserable.
We had first parents' evening this week. It was on Teams and I couldn't go as I was in meetings at work, still feeling guilty. DH attended so no reason to feel guilty but it's the first parents' evening that I have missed. DD was on a school trip so also not there and no meeting for that subject either yet as teachers on coach with them all. However for the other two subjects she's made the leap to A level well and is working hard so am very happy with that.
About to hit a couple of theatre production weeks which she is involved with so lots of ferrying to or from school at odd times.

college have apparently suggested that they find an alternative space.
dd's problem is that her friends are in the Quiet Room. They sit together working on homework between lessons.
But her friendship group and the other girls overlap (which is why the problem keeps coming up)
If dd goes to another space, she leaves her friends behind.
And, daft as it sounds, the Quiet Room has a carpet and a low table with bean bags. I have rarely seen dd sit at a desk to work, she is really comfortable on the floor.

In order to gte her in to college today (full day of lessons) I had to email her maths teacher, and go and pick her up and lunch, then drop her back to college in time for pm lessons. It is a 25 minute drive. I can only do that on Friday, and not every Friday.

Oh that sounds awful @steppemum. Is there any alternative quiet space (library, wellbeing room) that she can escape to if need be?

@Waspi my son picks and chooses when it's in his favour.
@steppemum really hope it improves soon. Girls are a nightmare my DD has spent way too many afternoons upset thanks to so called friends.
DS starting to struggle with leaving early and not home till it's pitch black.

@steppemum It is coming to the end of a very long term and the weather doesn't help either. No solutions but I know where you are coming from. With DD we say everyone is on her course (a level 2 following on from a level 1) for a reason - loads of students with various SEN - and sometimes those SN clash with each other.

Oh crap.
More friendship stuff.
I honestly don't know what to do.
Dd and ex friend both autistic, both use the SEN quiet space. They are very much NOT friends and dd feels very uncomfortbale in her presence.
It has blown up in small ways a couple of times and been managed,
It has blown up this week, Dd then got really upset, as she has worked hard to stick to the rules they put in place. This is the first time sixth form college has seen her drop her mask and be distressed. Normally she appears to cope well. She was in a real state, I ended up having to go and get her. She had a couple of distressed conversations with different members of staff.

Long phone call on Monday, thought it was sorted.
Dd came home in tears again today as member of staff has spoken to her and said things like she has to 'rise above'. Basically, she has to make all the adjustments, so that they can both work together.
On the one hand it is so petty. On the other hand friendships are a real issue for dd, she has worked really hard to build new friends, she has worked really hard to not let this ex-friend be an issue, and now she feels as if college don't get it.

She's tired from trying to hold it together with staff. She really tearful and saying that she can't cope with the drama and wants to drop out all together.
AAAHHH
sorry for the long vent.

I think I'll start sending everything to DS via Whatsapp so that he can't refute what I said @Tebheag - that's a great idea. Are all teenagers naturally good at gaslighting?!

DS has come home and said that he's been chosen to show prospective parents and students around the school at tomorrow's sixth form open morning. Heaven help the group who have the misfortune to get mono-syllabic Lurch DS!

Sounds like your daughter is taking to driving really well @steppemum . You are brave to get in a car with a learner though. I went out with my sister once when she was learning about 25 years ago, and I still have nightmares about the experience 😂

1st driving lesson was good, and I've taken her out twice over the weekend, just up and down a long empty road learning to stop start and change gear.
Pretty impressed with her, I thought she might be panicking but she is really calm and focussed.

@Waspi thank you he has theory booked for February hoping to be able too book a driving test for end of summer.
I have started sending must things to DS by WhatsApp so I have proof I told him as keeps saying I never told him teenagers!!
Hooe all going well with everyone else.

We had an open and frank conversation when I picked him up @Tebheag - well, open and frank from my side anyway

Good luck to your son for his tests and for his first driving lesson. Exciting times!