What are you doing to support your lacking-in-direction, lackadaisical 15/16 year old for post GSCE choices?

@SirChenjins We still have jobs and training available but have moved to degrees for lots of jobs where we didn’t need to. Back in rhe 80s plenty of jobs required A levels , not GCSEs. Eg accountancy, nursing, teaching etc. I’m not sure we have gained much from degrees for such jobs.

If you had nothing much you wanted better and that was an incentive to work. There should be more apprenticeships but it takes effort to apply for them.

As some boys are fine at school it’s interesting that some boys don’t do as well in your view because the schools are at fault. The change to non continuous assessment pushed results slightly in favour of boys. It’s more about poor teaching and not engaging boys though. Some schools do and think more about their curriculum snd what they offer.

However DC earning money is vital for many households so maybe ask the questions about what contribution DS intends to make.

What are his favourite subjects?
Least favourite?
Any hobbies or interests?

Of course they will be well cared for - they are our children. I saw my fellow pupils in the 80s struggling with the same challenges (covid apart obviously) but in those days pupils could leave at 16 and go into a wider range of opportunities and jobs than they have nowadays - the university route is still very much pushed as the norm although that is changing slowly. I certainly don’t give my son an easy ride and I know his friends’ parents don’t either - I’m very wary of making sex-based generalisations as I don’t think it helps. Rather, I think we should focus on whether schools deliver appropriately for boys who are more immature and who have under-performed compared to girls for many years. What I do know from having a son who’s 10 years older than his brother is that he and his friends were the same at school - but all of them shot ahead in second year at university, and all hold down good professional jobs now.

What are the consequences of these DC doing nothing? I know they are meant to study until 18 but they get food, heat and a home without doing much at all. I was driven by money (in the last century) and no Dc was expected to hang around costing parents money in the generation before that. So expectations have changed. They will all be well cared for with little effort on their part.

Im not surprised Dc don’t like these strict uniform schools. Would we, as adults, like it? They suit some but over punish others. Colleges should have a better atmosphere. I would suggest an honest conversation on future earnings though. Don’t fund driving lessons, a car, holidays and fun unless there’s a plan for study and work. Be clear about their future and your expectations.

Why are they mostly sons? A few DDs mentioned but the boys are so immature. As I’ve observed in my wider family. I’ve noticed they get an easy ride. Excuses made for poor behaviour. Lower expectations than placed on the girls. All seem to have the gift of the gab (arguing black is white) but think everything will fall into their lap with no effort. Addicted to gaming too so don’t really know much about anything. Most of this is avoidable. When I speak to an intelligent, well educated and capable young man I wonder how they managed it.

Would he consider an applied science BTEC? This would be accessible with say, 4s and 5s, and can be a great option.

I teach this (among other things) and we have students go on to a range of great options at uni, as well as apprenticeships and straight into work in lab based careers.

If he's hard working, a BTEC will really suit, as he will likely do well on assignments, and that can compensate if he struggles in exams. Also, we sit one exam at a time (Jan, June, Jan, June) which takes the pressure off a bit!

Nice to know finally your DS found what he liked. It creates hope! It's funny how they want to blame parents. I couldn't stop laughing at your last sentence.

My DS2 was similar. He had no idea what he wanted to do at 15. He took the same Level 3 BTEC DS1 had done, just because he really didn't own what else to do. When he finished that he went full time at the job he'd been doing part time, and after a year finally found an apprenticeship he seems happy in. He now grumbles that he didn't start on this path when he was 16, as though we somehow stoped him. But at that age he had no idea what he wanted to do!!!

I have a yr10 in this position. She is likely to get 4's and 5's.
She is fiercely independent (pda) and has social anxiety.

Anything I suggest is either a flat 'no' or a 'meh'.
The only thing that has piqued her interest is a Forensics T level, but I can't help but think that it's unlikely to lead to a forensics career. Surely she'd need to either join the Police (unlikely) or have a scientific degree.

Dh and I met at uni. We both love learning, both learn lots through our differing careers. We have 2 kids that find learning triggers anxiety, and 1 that craves it. It's quite baffling.

I agree I think some kids are just emotionally too young to make decisions like this. My DS is 15 but he is significantly physically smaller than his peers, and looks less like a teenager than them. The problem is, he is motivated and works really hard but doesn't seem to be getting anywhere fast. He sits down diligently to do his homework and also does an extra hour of revision but he is finding it so hard. He came back from school today and said he didn't think he had it in him to do A Levels because he didn't want to go through the stress of doing GCSE's again. There is a college course that he would love to do, but he is a bit scared of going to college, because he thinks it will be full of rough kids. He needs to go to University to do what he wants to do and I was thinking if he did the Diploma he wants to do, he would be more likely to get high grades in that than if he scraped the grades for A Levels. The diploma is related to the course he wants to do at University, but I was worried that would restrict him at the age of 18 to go into a particular field.

Thank you. Yes hope so.

Hope it goes well. A third year in college will give maturing time.

At present Ds is doing Level 2 Btec in college as suggested by TeenDivided and some other mums on a different thread. 10 days of anxiety and missing his school, then checked with other friends on social media and found many were moving so Ds was happy. Now seems to be settled in college, made some new friends and likes his Btec teachers. Seems to be enjoying his course but still bit early to predict😞

Thank you all for sharing your concerns. I am sailing in the same boat for my DS. Completely empathise with you all. No motivation, although there is obsession for a subject but it is difficult for DS to focus/ concentrate for longer span which doesn't help to turn obsession into practice/ career !! I feel DS is almost 2 years behind his age!! 🤞

I'd look far and wide for T-Levels/BTECs. Different colleges run different subjects.
Also think about his skills and interests and therefore what might suit.

My DD1 liked languages, was good conversing with people on a superficial level, liked history and going places. So she picked Travel & Tourism which worked out better thn anything else would have done.

Joining this thread as I feel I have found my people!

DS is 14 and in Y10, so we have a little time to go yet. We don't have any predicted grades yet obviously but are keeping an eye on things. We will be happy if he gets 5 grade 4/5s tbh - just to get where he needs to be.

DH did A levels and went to Uni - I started A Levels and struggled so dropped out after the first year and started work. In both cases it was the making of us.

So we are giving both of our viewpoints, I honestly think that BTec at 16 then apprenticeship at 18 is the way forward for him, DH wants him to seriously consider A Levels.

DS - he hasn't got a clue and is laid back about everything in life, as a PP said I expected to be guiding him - we have time i hope to get to that position

Ours also seem to be a bit blank in the maturity department. There's definitely no critical thinking. No foresight. No motivation beyond "I want money but I don't want to do that for it". Definitely no enthusiasm from kids, who not that long ago, "can't wait to be grown ups".

I expected to be guiding, not making decisions and doing life research on behalf of almost 16 year olds. I was definitely not being steered like this at that age. I made my own choices and lived with the consequences of them. I don't think they realise how close June is...

I think social media and streaming has also made it much more difficult to accidentally acquire what I consider to be basic general knowledge. Despite living in the real world they don't seem to be particulalry aware of what happens in it

I absolutely think some children are too young - I don’t know if it’s because DS2 is our youngest with quite an age gap between him and his siblings but he’s definitely less mature than they were at his age. Losing 2 years during covid hasn’t helped either - I feel that maturity wise he’s closer to 14 than his actual 16.

This was my dd. She got all 5's & 1 6 and is now doing BTechs. Tbh it's been the making of her. She loves the subjects she's doing - no more maths, PE or science! And loves the flexibility of sixth form - finishes at lunchtime two days a week, study periods in her timetable which means very little "homework" as it all gets done at college. Sixth form is very different, we didn't realise just how different, maybe help him understand that?

Sorry that was really long.

I think it's motivation rather than age related. Plenty of my peers had direction - and a lot of those with direction continued on those paths.

Our slightly more capable one was muttering about doing maths A level the other day. His most recent practice paper was graded U... He's not worried - everyone did badly - we hadn't done the stuff on the paper... what he means is he didn't look at the huge volume of revision material he was supposed to be referencing over summer. He was moved into top set last year so we'll have to see how that goes. He's better off getting a 3 than a U, so he might need to move back down if he doesn't improve. I think you have to get a 6 to be considered for Maths A level anyway. They're doing pretty much monthly tests in English and Maths this year, so at least we can vaguely keep an eye.

We're gonna go to the Army recruitment center in half term, but again, I don't think he'll have any actual questions to ask. He was surprised when I told him that they'll expect him to have some current affairs knowledge if he goes to the assessment center. You know, knowledge of what the British army is actually doing... where they have bases... humanitarian activities they might be involved in... when he's this nonchalant about it, I'm inclined to just leave him to it.

The other one is going to be lucky to get any/many 4s so really needs to concentrate on apprenticeships. Went to a nice college open day the other day. They said to sort CV, apply to the college now so you're on the apprenticeship list, apply for other apprenticeships you see online even if it won't go anywhere... no action has been taken. He claims he "doesn't want" to work in a shop, or an office, or be a mechanic, but puts no effort into the one or two things he maybe thinks he might enjoy.

They both know they won't be sitting on their arses, so if they haven't sorted something come September, they'll be applying for all and any jobs that are available. The Local Authority or whoever are welcome to hunt us down for breaking the rules - apparently they don't really enforce the education til 18 thing though, so I'm not worried.

They need to really be interested in the subject to put in the amount of work A-levels will take, don't they? That's the same for my DS, he couldn't name three he would want to do! He likes maths but I don't think he'd cope with A-level (he is doing further maths at GCSE level and is struggling, which we aren't fussed about but it does show that A-level isn't for him!)
His school doesn't have a 6th form which doesn't help as it means actively applying to other places, lots of open days etc and DS is just not motivated. He likes music technology but there isn't anywhere near us that offers it at any level other than A Level, and he wouldn't have any other subjects to do alongside it.

I feel like he needs his gap year now! Get a job, try out some different things, figure out what he is interested in and then find courses and qualifications which facilitate that. I really worry that his years from 16-18 will be wasted, just being in education cos the law says he has to but having nothing to show at the end of it!

My DS school I think has knocked the stuffing out of him to be honest. It's a 'shirt untucked twice, that's a detention' kind of place, and he doesn't see it as a somewhere that supports the non-academic. I agree with him to be honest, but there isn't another option.

He places a lot of importance on his extra curricular sport (football, martial arts and gym) and that comes first for him, but he says he doesn't want to do that for a job, so...

I know this sounds like every Mum talking about their little soldier, but he's actually pretty bright, well-spoken, erudite, personable, all that jazz.

Those are such great skills tho @DomingoinLittleOakley - there will be a role for him for sure. Even if you start with what they don't want to do, that is a starting point.

There's a lot of chat on these boards about "My dd at Warwick" (I am as guilty as any) but I ran into an old pal the other day and we chatted; her older son is working as a freelance joiner and earning £££ (their words) and her other lad has got a job in engineering and is also set on a good career.

They are the same ages as my DD (graduated last year and working in a low-level library role with £50k of uni debt (she loves her job but she will never be on £££)) and DS2 (two more years with me financing him at uni - to leave with a debt of £70k).

I was left thinking hmmmmm a bit. I am a massive advocate of higher education but it certainly isn't right for everyone - and there is a lot to be said for getting out there and working,.

A couple of his friends have done two year BTEC courses at college but they are employed in completely different areas - one works at the company where he had a Saturday job and another has worked as a receptionist and now in NHS call centre .

I would suggest that if your DS does continue in education rather than an apprenticeship, that you really encourage him to do some part time work alongside.