Thread 25 - Covid Cohort - Christmas Trees, No Omicron Please!

That’s rubbish mummyinbeds, what about one of those virtual escape rooms? I’d definitely have another day after when he’s out of isolation.

DD still testing very faintly positive and no more LTF tests to be had at the moment so am posting some to her. She sounding really fed up now as there’s 2 of them holed up in one room. The final person to visit their house just before first person tested positive has now tested positive so that’s 8 now .

Sorry to hear that @mummyinbeds, really unlucky. If he is into gaming you could get him a new game and the isolation becomes a great excuse not to leave his gaming chair! I think I would be finding nice activities for whatever it is that excites him, but the official birthday on another day is a great plan - he gets two special days instead of one, and the first is just a bit restricted.

@sofakingcool he had planned to go out with a group of friends on NYE, a meal with family on NYD and out for a meal and a legal beer with friends on the 2nd (his birthday) He definitely won't be blowing out the candles on our joint birthday cake.
It's a rubbish date for a birthday anyway so maybe we'll choose a different day like the Queen.

Hope you all had a good Christmas, despite Covid, families etc etc.

DS has just tested positive for Covid, after spending Christmas with my parents 😱 The rest of us are negative for now. He hasn't been anywhere apart from grandparents since 22nd so goodness knows where he's picked it up from. Poor thing will now miss celebrating New Year and his 18th 😭 If I test positive now I'll miss my (big) birthday too. Any ideas on how to make an isolated 18th special?

Hi all. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas & anyone who was ill is making a good recovery.

I know it is a bit early to be thinking about it, but having some time off has given me the chance to start fretting about a few things.... one of which is student finance.

From what I can gather, it will be the 20/21 tax year which will be taken into account for parents income but you can ask for the current tax year (21/22) to be used if your income drops by more than 15%. Does anyone know what the situation is if the family income drops after that, ie in the 22/23 tax year, when they will actually will be starting? Will they agree to recalculate or would you have to make do with the initial assessment for that year?

Without divulging too much, worst case scenario is that one of our salaries disappears around May, so in the new tax year.

Compliments of the season to everyone. I have no idea whether I've posted on this particular thread already but the title looks very new to me...although seeing as it's 16 pages long there's every chance might have . Anyways, hope everyone had a jolly Christmas? I don't imagine there's been any new offers over the Xmassy days.

Hope everyone is well and those who aren't are recovering. I may have had Omicron but not sure as our testing kit at home seems to have expired and didn't work. I've had aching vocal cords for weeks now, now (yes, I've done a bit of shouting but not to the extent of not been able to open my jaw). Rest seems to help but as soon as I get into conversation again I get the same aching sensation on both sides that means, 'Shut up!' and a funny chest tightness, that feels very familiar (childhood asthma). Nevertheless, I managed to whip up a sumptuous Xmas lunch etc.
It's still a miracle none of us have contracted Covid yet (aside from what I said above).

DS is studying like mad for mocks straight after new yr and has tons of work, still battling EPQ and Core Maths!

I decided to begin uni shopping as ds1's uni shopping in a space of 3 weeks was exhausting. I will shop a little every month until the summer and see what's left if anything but I don't want the big old 'NOW LET'S GO DO UNI SHOPPING!' ifyswim.

Congratulations to all those who squeezed in some offers before Xmas eve or after Xmas. Roll on 2022!

I hope most people managed a great family Christmas.

We decided on our first Christmas never to do Christmas Day with either set of parents or our siblings.

We focussed the day on our children and us. We work hard all year and Christmas Day should be relaxed. Never regretted it x

BTW all families have bullies, drama queens or jealous types etc; everyone has dysfunctional elements to their families … DH family took 5 years to come out where as the bonkers ones in mine were there from the beginning. Don’t believe the Social media posts of blissful perfect families 😂😂

@icanbewhatiwant yes DM asked us to be POA for her money and medical care too but she passed away before it could be processed. I imagine it would have been much worse from those siblings if that had come to fruition. Your MIL had very sound reasons for doing what she did, as did my DM, but sadly some people will always look for the nasty side - it says a lot about them. I hope your DH doesn't dwell on it too much, I have tried to put it right at the back of my thoughts as otherwise you can't move on with your own peace of mind.

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn MIL chose DH because he lived on the farm with us, they lived in Australia. The sisters were furious when they gave him power of attorney too. But how could they pay bills and sign cheques etc. from Australia? We will try to leave things fairly for our dc's. But there's bound to be arguments. I've already said DH's older 2 dc's think it's not fair already.

@icanbewhatiwant the amount of people who have had the same or similar experiences is incredible. I think in my case it was based on jealousy that my DM had chosen me and my sister (the youngest two) to do this over them, they thought they were more special to her than any of the rest of us. That and plain greed.

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn I expect family fallouts over wills is probably quite common. DH was an executor and his sisters demanded he stood down. But the solicitor said not to, as there were 2 executors who had to sign everything, the other being the family accountant. Plus the solicitor was overseeing everything too. So it wasn't DH alone. They said they had proof as to why he shouldn't be executor and they would provide it to a court. This went on for 18 months, no proof was ever given, it didn't get to court either. Yes...DH is glad he doesn't have to see his sister too. He tell people Australia isn't far enough away.

Sorry to hear about the dysfunctional families. Wehn my DM passed away a few years ago the fall out from being executor of her will was horrendous. My DM split everything evenly but clearly that wasn't enough for a couple of my siblings who accused me and my sister of basically being thieves and did absolutely nothing to help with anything. As we were previously a close family this was heartbreaking and I was genuinely shocked they would believe that we would do anything of the sort, everything was clear and open with all siblings. I no longer speak to them and actually, while in theory it's sad, I really feel better not having people in my life that think so little of me. So, my Christmas is spent with the people I care about and who care about me and my family and it was lovely.

@Alsoplayspiccolo I think your sisters children automatically inherit their dm's share don't they? It won't be up to you to decide, unless she writes them out. Complicated things...wills. MIL wrote in her "little book" items she wanted family members to have. Dh was an executor so honoured the items in the book. But MIL had left her premium bonds and shares to DH's 5 dc's also written in her book. But the solicitor said no as it wasn't actually in the Will. So DH's sisters had it all. DH's older 2 dc's were quite upset about it as MiL promised them it. It didn't matter so much about our 3 as they were younger. Though of course would have been nice. A lesson learned for us...write will's out properly.

@Alsoplayspiccolo. Crikey, your Mum and brother sound like they deserve each other. I’m sorry. I made sure I married into a really kind , stable family. So glad I did. My mum told my sisters children , aged 5 to 14, that it was their fault their mother had died. It is amazing what we can come to accept or excuse. I wouldn't now.

Too late for that, Zebra - I’ve already told my mum that I sent the card and he has no right to have an issue, even if I hadn’t, given his previous behaviour.

icanbe, I can understand siblings being upset when new siblings come along, but as you say, the grudge should be with the parents. Besides, my mum told me and my sister as soon as she could that we were “an accident”.

As for wills, my mum has made my brother executor and told me with glee that she doesn’t care what happens, regarding falling out, because she won’t be here to see it.
After my sister died, my mum talked about changing her will so that my nieces and nephew didn’t get their mum’s share, and then told me that she wouldn’t change it but would leave it to me, my twin sister and my brother to decide whether they got any of it.
Horrible behaviour, but then again, this is the woman who requested my BiL bring certain items, that she’d given to my sister, to my sister’s funeral, because she wanted them back, now my sister was no longer alive.

@Alsoplayspiccolo Ds2 says to me often about d3 "why did you have him?" and "we were a great family until he came along" to be fair ds3 is extremely hard work. I would love my boys to like each other. But I think they will fall out completely as adults and not see each other.
Dh has a Ds and dd from a previous marriage, they get on really well. Not sure if that's because they are male and female. But as far as money goes...DH's dd has already asked what is in DH's will. She thinks it's not done fairly already. It's difficult though when dh has 3 younger dc's and 2 independent adult dc's from his first marriage. So they will probably fall out with us one day too.

@Alsoplayspiccolo. In that case, I might want to have some fun with that, describe the card in minute detail and say you had also enclosed a voucher for a weekend away, in appreciation of all he does for your Mum! Then watch him squirm with frustration. He will know you’re lying, but your Mum won’t.Ive never been able to tell a convincing lie in my life, but that’s how my dead sibling maintained their golden child status in the teeth of addiction, removed children and prison, and I always wished I could tell really big whoppers!

Sorry to hear of the toxic families @Alsoplayspiccolo @icanbewhatiwant @Volterra.

Dh’s parents are difficult (narcissistIc mum) and he has a couple of toxic siblings too, but we’ve seen less and less of the siblings over the years. We tend to just see his two sisters who he gets on with and their families. But we’re dreading his parents passing as there will be huge issues with the will no doubt.

I think you are sensible Piccolo. I hadn’t appreciated that my Mother played me off against my Brother until the manager of the nursing home asked if I was aware - they had heard her on the phone to both of us. She said it’s very common and people don’t realise as don’t think their parents will do that to them. I engage with mine as little as possible as he only does when he wants something.

Awful to read the lengths some family members will go to, but also comforting to know I’m not alone in my experiences, so thank you for sharing.

Zebra, I don’t think he cares at all, at least not in that way - it’s his way of trying to control me, which is exactly what bullies do. He thinks I didn’t send a card, which equates to stepping out of the game he’s chosen to play.

I am one of 4 siblings; my eldest sister died 3 years ago, my brother is 7 years older than me, and I have a twin sister.
My brother blames my twin and me for spoiling his life when we were born - he says that he and my our older sister and parents had a happy family life until we appeared.
My parents did a good job of playing us off against each other - definitely creating scape goats and golden child roles - and my mum still does it now, at the age of 87 (hence her need to tell me that my brother had commented about the missing Christmas card).
She is reliant on my brother, physically, so she can’t challenge his behaviour, hence he is able to control her in that way.

I’m the outlier, in that sense - I refuse to engage in any kind of game playing or drama, which seems to fan the flames even more.

I sympathise too alsoplayspicollo. This year has thankfully been lovely with all interactions with various parts of family over the last week but not every Christmas has been like that at all. A few years ago I had such an awful Christmas Day that we went abroad for Christmas the next year as I refused to do it again.

Strange how we are all meant to suddenly get on with people with whom we may have little interaction during the year by choice.

Thankfully this year has been lovely though.