Thread 25 - Covid Cohort - Christmas Trees, No Omicron Please!

Sorry to hear about dysfunctional families. Mine is ok if you take my brother out of the equation. What happened when my Mum was ill doesn’t really sound believable and more like a badly written soap opera. He’s sniffing around my Dad for money at the moment having not seen him for 15 years.

Piccolo I really sympathise. I have failed to deal well with mine so not the best person to advise. There was always the narrative that we had to support my Brother whatever he did when my Mum was alive. She adored him and put him on a pedestal. I found reading around a bit about the scapegoat and the golden child helped. I was also told I was over sensitive . My Brother is a bully, my Mum said I deserved it as I wasn’t nice to him when I was little. I can see that as an adult for the complete bollocks it is. Thankfully my 2 DC get on and I have good friends , a lovely DH and a good relationship with my Dad so I figure I am the winner and he is a sad, deeply flawed bully of am individual what struggles to have meaningful relationships . I had a few sessions of counselling which helped. I feel for you, it’s difficult to say the least and hard at this time of year💐

Sad to hear about difficult families at Christmas. I have been lucky with mine, but I have friends with very difficult parents. One of the ones I found most shocking was a good friend upset her parents when she started going out with her sister's ex boyfriend. They wouldn't speak to her for years, they even moved house and didn't tell her their new address, I can't begin to imagine doing that to my child. He was a bad boyfriend and she shouldn't have gone out with him as he did her no good, but still an incomprehensible reaction!

Totally dysfunctional family here too, also. Weirdly though, Ithink the card thing is quite sweet. He obviously does care! Maybe it was lost in the post? My oldest friend lives abroad and asked if I got the handmade card she had sent. I hadn’t. He’s probably oblivious though, maybe sil didn’t mention the card coming, in case it winds him up.
I read somewhere this week, can’t think where, that a defining characteristic of bullies is self pity, and that rang so many bells for me. It isn’t just that they make your life a misery, they also play the bloody victim! My brother stayed with us every school holiday for years, and never invited us to his place, also abroad. He finally did, and we agreed dates, and bought tickets . He then withdrew the invitation on the basis that my Dh, who is incredibly sweet and kind, would mock his religion! Nothing could be further from the truth, but in a sense it freed us, I’d tolerated his narcissism and cruelty , but that was a step too far.
I know how much my family upset me so now, whenever there is a drama, I change the personnel and ask myself how I would then feel, or I run it past someone neutral and well balanced. It means my reactions are proportionate.In general, I just don’t bother!
Cor that’s long sorry.
We had a quiet Christmas, just 4of us, and loved it. But whole family due tomorrow so food all prepped etc, and nowcovid has reared its head and 4 can’t come. Never mind.

Ah money and relatives. Just after my Dgrandmother had to move into sheltered housing she said 'I've bought that' about my uncle having acquired a yacht and moored it in the med. My dad and middle brother put it down to the fact she had suffered a couple of strokes and had good and bad days. Who would do that to their own mother? Guess what became clear after she died? It was pure greed from a man who is by a clear mile the wealthiest of the three brothers.

My dad, uncle and two step-siblings took the fraudster to court and on the day it was due to be heard he confessed. Nobody speaks to him.

@Alsoplayspiccolo my in-laws wanted DH to have more because we looked after them for their last years. The sisters moved to Australia, one in the 70's the other the 80's. I think they felt closer to their Ds. But they really should have left a note explaining why they had done it. Instead we had several years of threats to take dh to court as he'd apparently forced them to write wills in his favour. It caused a lot of unnecessary stress and cost a lot in solicitor fees. The worst thing, MIL knew what they'd be like, so in the will she said if they contested it any fees were to come from their share. I thought it was very sad that siblings could hate each other so much. So if anyone writes a will leaving more to one child than the other...do explain why in the will.
I guess there are pros to being an only child.

Thanks, Ewww and icanbe.
DH is an only child too and both his parents are dead, so he gets really angry about my family’s behaviour.
Money has also been a bone of contention, ican - I dread to think what the fall-out will be when my mum dies.
I’m just so sick of it all and worn down by the constant game playing and unpleasantness.

@Alsoplayspiccolo DH didn't speak to his DF for years. But we lived opposite them on a farm. So as the in-laws got older they needed our help. FIL mellowed in the end. But when MIL passed away. There was a big fall out with DH's 2 sisters. They found out DH had more in the will. Tried to get FIL to change the will etc. etc. Anyway...DH will never speak to them again. They live in Australia so we won't see them. Quite sad really.

My boys don't really get on, I hope they don't go the same way. I have no siblings, so don't really understand why they can't all get on.

That does sound hard @Alsoplayspiccolo. We don't have it to the same extent but I do have a SIL who it appears goes out of her way to avoid seeing us and my parents, even though we have always (or so I thought) got on well. It does hurt.

Love Morph suits.

Sorry to hear that Piccolo. We have a dysfunctional element but as they have stated never doing Christmas with my parents they are quiet this time of year.

Christmas Day went well mainly because I took a unilateral decision to do Christmas dinner at tea time. (DH, DS and I all worked Christmas eve.) So no-one came until early afternoon meaning there wasn't the same pressure.

DS was delighted to receive his own laptop in readiness for leaving! DH got a new phone as his old one gave up the ghost a couple of weeks ago and I mainly received books which works for me.

Turns out DS got an offer from York last week (email is for olds). Hurrah! But that's 3 offers all wanting AAB...

I’m sure I can’t be the only person here with a dysfunctional family, can I?
Feeling angry and upset today, due to mine. Too complicated to detail here, but I don’t have a relationship with 2 of my siblings. My brother made it quite clear to me a couple of years ago that he couldn’t be bothered and wasn’t interested in staying in touch. However, he lives around the corner from my mum (200 miles away from me), so I see my SiL and their boys when we visit.
This summer when we were staying up there, we (DH, DCs, my mum, SiL and their DCs) arranged to go out for afternoon tea. Without warning, my brother came too, but didn’t so much as acknowledge my presence - didn’t speak to me, look at me and walked ahead and got into his car without so much as a word when we left the restaurant.
We got a Christmas card from them (almost certainly written and sent by my SiL) and I sent them one.
Spoke to my mum today, who informed me that my brother had mentioned I hadn’t sent a card, and he was put out.
Firstly, I had, and secondly, if I hadn’t, it would be because he’s made it very clear he has no time for me or my family.

How do you deal with this kind of family politics?
He’s bullied me since I was a child, but the rest of my family tell me I’m over-sensitive and “it’s just the way he is”.
Even by telling me about the supposed Christmas card issue, my mum is effectively putting the blame on me, not him.

Happy Christmas everyone. We had a lovely, quiet day yesterday, just the four of us which I’d been a bit worried about as I thought the dc might find it too quiet but they didn’t, they had a brilliant day thankfully.

Happy Christmas everyone! We had a very busy day, taking in 3 different locations and quite a bit of driving! It was lovely but I have a headache now, so I’m taking it easy before going out for an evening of board games with family!

Hope everyone had a great day yesterday!

Everyone happy with what Father Christmas left here (which is a first for DD, for whom nothing is ever enough).
I got lots of lovely things, including the book, “Four Thousand Weeks” about time and how to spend it; I’d asked for it and am really looking forward to reading it.
Today’s plans are a dog walk to the pub, buffet lunch, board games and some tv.

@Monkey2001 love the morph suits!

Morph suits and cuddle pillows a success!

I got a Leatherman and some really posh garden string!

I got a litre of milk....

Merry Christmas to all. Not too bad a day here. The dc's even managed to speak to each other nicely for 20 mins earlier. I was amazed. It's only ds1 and ds3 that are the problem, to be fair it's mostly ds3. Ds2 got up at 1.30pm so not too bad. For Christmas he bought me 6 bottles of hand sanitizer, he thought that was hilarious. I even got ds1 and Ds2 to join us for the dog walk. Ds3 being the idiot he is would only come if ds1 wasn't coming. So was left at home.
Family coming for a couple of hours tomorrow. At least the dc's will get on with company.

I hope everyone is having a good day and those with covid are feeling ok.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Just lots of books and sweets here.

Watching Home Alone 2.

Wishing everyone as merry a Christmas as possible in individual circumstances .

Also wanted a quiet moment of cheer - dd is well-known for smashing highball glasses (not on purpose) and for Christmas she has bought me a set of new ones. Even last year, this sort of thoughtful gift would never have occurred to her. I'm really chuffed.

(Pretty sure it was her idea and she wasn't nudged by dh or her sister - but I'm not going to ask!)

@OrangeCinnamonCocktail that happened to me with MN on my phone browser a couple of days ago (Iphone). Tried the app, wasn't impressed, eventually cleared my entire browsing history and it sorted it.

I am just testing one of the teddy cuddle cushions, my goodness it's nice!

After years of waking to the sound of stockings being opened, this year it's LFT packaging 😁 Hopefully all clear so that two 80+ grannies can come to lunch 🤞

Sorry for those who didn't get the all-clear. Hope no-one is too poorly.

Happy Christmas everyone 🎅🎄

Merry Christmas everyone 🌲