Are Smaller Unis More Nuturing? Your experiences please

It means that it's not going to be a "party" flat/hall with open doors to everyone and parties every week with unlimited booze (and drugs!).

My son's flat was designated "quiet", but from the moving in day, they'd go out together, shopping, walks, meals, etc. Within the flat, several would gather in someone's room to watch netflix movies or box sets. They'd spread out board games on the landing. Some would go online together to play multi-user computer games from their own rooms. It was basically a friendly group without the emphasis on drinking (though they all did drink, but not heavy partying style!).

I would look at this in a different way - is he ready for uni? Would he be better off taking a year out and getting a job, learning some social skills and building up confidence? Then choose the uni with the best course for him.

What @54321nought said.

Uni’s cater for adults. The responsibility will be on your son. There’s no pastoral care as such, no one to make sure he gets to lectures or hands in his essays.

Personally I think smaller uni’s/cities are better for the less socially confident, it’s easier to get to know people. In my uni town there were only 3 nightclubs, each catered for a different demographic. I could walk in alone and find people I knew. Moving to London and not much chance I’d see people from uni outside of classes at all.

Surely in any section of MN a fair proportion of posters will be guiding their children through university application, at any given time. And millions of us were or are currently involved in university study ourselves.

I’m sure the OP will read all around MN - but I haven’t seen anything on this thread that’s untrue or unhelpful.

It’s not like a boarding school thread where only a small section of the readership will be qualified to give advice.

I don't think unis are nurturing in the same way that schools can be. Most have all sorts of support services available but it is up to the student to go in search of them and ask for help - they don't come looking for the student.

(and you certainly won't be jumped on for expecting anything other than Mr Bloggs getting your son's essay back on time!)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education

@Goldenfigs

Come over to Higher Ed. Far more informative from parents whose children have been through/are going through the system. There's a mine of information and many single threads about different unis in terms of quality of teaching, accomodation and general university life.

54321nought Yes, we’ve recently had some fun with exactly that type of accommodation form!

Have to say I managed to sit in my room for three years at an Oxbridge college - collegiate structure doesn’t guarantee a sociable university career.

I should add, I really had to force myself to be sociable. I am quite an extrovert when I know people but find reaching out/ making the first move hard. I think most people do. And few people will rebuff an approach.

Unis are research institutes who take in students to educate them. The lecturers are researchers, who teach as well, they are not teachers, and they are not trained as teachers, and they are certainly not trained in, paid for or given any time for pastoral care.

I went to a college based university. It was a good choice for me as it broke the mass of people down into manageable chunks and meant you bumped into people more ( also helped by third years living in. Also sport and music etc was at both college and university level so a v shit hockey player like me could play socially for the college thirds!

Would a collegiate university suit him better? One with older buildings rather than brand new halls as they will have fewer people in each building and a smaller group mentality. I went to Durham and loved it. The colleges have different strengths and 'personalities' , a small bailey college might suit him like St John's , or the hill colleges have less of a brash public school presence. He'll also have a house parent as a fresher and lots of activities he'll be encouraged to attend where he'll meet people, but even then social relationships can't be forced on people who are happier on their own. I am an extrovert who was quite sporty when I was younger, so I went to one of the bigger Bailey colleges and loved it, but had more reserved friends I met through study who had found their place elsewhere and were very happy.

Which subject is your DC looking at OP? Any indication of predicted grades?

I'm never sure about the sense of quiet halls TBH. If everyone is quiet then are they all just going to end up sitting in their rooms with closed doors? Surely it's better to have a bit of a mix where someone may make the first move?

I'd suggest looking at campus/college based Unis.

Campus Unis tend to be more of a "safe space" for less confident students as they usually have shops/bars etc within the campus, rather than venturing out into cities etc.

College based unis tend to give a better sense of belonging and more social opportunities for those not interested in the pub/club scene, i.e. inter college quizzes, fun sports competitions, etc., and more likely to have college common rooms with pool tables, xbox, lounges etc.

I studied in a small department at a medium-sized (though now considerably larger) university. There were about 120 undergrads in total, and we more or less knew each other, and all the lecturers, by sight. I'd say it was pretty nurturing - the lecturers knew us, too, teaching groups were small, and it would have been noticed if someone wasn't turning up or handing in work. Having said that, if someone was coping academically but not socially then I'm not sure that would have been noticed. So, depending on your son's subject, it might be worth looking at a small department, which might have more of a community feel even if the university itself is large. Just a thought, and probably depends on the subject - I imagine it would be difficult to find a small English department, say.

Unis aren't there to care for your son im afraid. My dp is a lecturer at a small uni but even then he has 100 plus students and it's not his job to care for them. Hes there to teach them and marks their work and often gets over worked by needy students that email him all the time, even when he's off about stuff like needing help paying their rent etc. He can't look out for 100 students in that way sorry x

Also, be wary of accidentally 'helicoptering' your son with visits every other weekend and daily phonecalls. I knew a few 1st year students at uni who constantly had their parents dropping in to say hello during the first term, doing their laundry, tidying up their room, dropping off shopping etc They never really let go and you could see visibly the other quiet kids growing up, finding themselves and growing in confidence whereas the 'helicopter' kids you felt still had one foot in the family home still.

It’s an interesting idea though ... Imagine if UCAS categorised candidates according to current personality type. So you’d have entire campuses filled with shy room dwellers. And others where everyone raced around in war paint, hockey sticks raised, bellowing through the night.

Could catch on ...

Sorry should have read “he won’t thank you”