Kids leaving home for uni - how long to keep their bedroom the same for them...

When ds went to uni last year I made him clear his room before he went. So we boxed up the sentimental things he wanted to keep and got rid of all the rubbish. I then repainted it and got a new bed. It is now clear enough for guests but has space for him to come back to during holidays. If younger ds had needed a bigger room we would have swapped them around.

My eldest is going off to do nursing so will only be home for a maximum of 7 weeks a year.
Our plan is to keep it as it is until Christmas so she feels settled. Then we'll pack her bits up (nicely) and use it for language students. We live at the coast and have lots of foreign teenagers come to learn English. The money I make from that will directly pay for her accommodation at university so she won't be sinking into debt. It seems crazy to have a double room sitting empty for 45 weeks a year. It will be available for her when she's home though.
I your shoes I'd swap their rooms so eldest always knows they have their own space to come home to but the children still at home have a nicer room.

I think it's important to discuss this before they go. They should have their own room with their stuff in it, but why should they keep the largest best bedroom. It is time for them to give that to another child.

I think the pet makes a change practical. I would say, 'are we going to keep things the same with rooms for now or would dc3 generously taking on pet make it practical to change things before you go?' I would give the dc the guest room too though.

I think it’s a discussion you need to have as a family! When I left for uni, I suggested to my youngest sister that she could move into my room, as me and my other 2 siblings all had large rooms with a nice view and she was stuck in a tiny box room beside the bathroom without a view. Which was ok when we were all at home, just tough luck being the youngest as the better rooms were already occupied by us older siblings and she never complained about it. But it would have felt really unfair to me to continue letting her stay in that room while my room was sitting empty and me only using it for holidays. She and my parents kept asking if I was sure but it seemed the only fair thing to do to me and took the sting out of me leaving for uni a bit as she really looked up to her big sister! And then I had her old room on holidays.

I never regretted it except actually more recently I had a slight moment of irritation in my early forties when I realised that everyone else still has “their” childhood bedroom when they come home and I still get put in the tiny box room next to the bathroom because of my generosity of spirit when I was 18 😂 I don’t really care though! And if we’re not all home at once like for Christmas etc, I get one of theirs!

I think it would have been different though if I hadn’t been on board with that or expecting it, I think it would be a real shock for parents not to say anything and then proceed to rip everything’s out as soon as your back is turned!

How old are the other kids?

Is DC2 genuinely happy to look after the pet or is it being fosited on him? Given the pet scenario and if DC2 actually wants to be sharing a room with a spider/snake/lizard/African land snail I might suggest that it would help if they swapped.

My brother moved into my room the day I moved out - it would have been utterly selfish of me to keep it!

I think your DC1 should appreciate why those living at home should now get the benefit of the nicer room. I had to sleep on the sofa when I went home. Didn’t do me any harm .

It's so unfair on the two youngest if your DD gets to keep the best room. All the posters on here seem to be ignoring their feelings, and focusing only on your DD.

In your situation, I would let DC2 have the best room. I would offer DD1 two options: you will redecorate DC2's old room to make it hers (Dd1's), so she still has her own room, just a different one. Or she can have the guest room with the en-suite, on condition that she swaps out of it when you have visitors.

DD has her room. Which is just wear she sleeps, it's actually our spare room, but has an ensuite.
All her crap is in her own bedroom, with clothing, she studies in her own bedroom, but if she has friends round they never see her mess.

C What happened to your husband happened to me. At least for the first year don’t make any changes.

Whoops ... do GCSEs in tiny room and oldest is only home for holidays (except the the pandemic came and messed up that theory!).

We did it after a year asit wasn't feasible for youngest to do gcses

If they have always had the bigger bedroom, I think it's fair to give a younger child who is still at home full time a turn having the larger room, rather than it sitting empty for more than half the year.

I'd keep it as is for now.

I'm not sure how normal things will be from September. Most students have not had much time at uni this year, and have spent a lot of their time in their bedrooms.

In more normal times, I think they need to knw that they still have a place at home. It is quite likely that many will end up back at home after uni unless the economy improves very quickly.

DC1 has kept his room, but other dc do use it sometimes to study or even sleep in dc1's bed...

I'd leave the room. If my parents immediately made my room the spare room I'd have felt pushed out at what turned out to be a very difficult, lonely time. Give your child the stability of their own room for a few more years.

Ask your other DC if they want the current spare room with the ensuite if you haven't already.

Talk to him and see what he thinks. I've had 6 foot tall rugby playing engineering students weeping in my office because their bedroom is now a sewing room (I know this isn't what you are doing) and they feel they have no home to go back to. I would think as long as they have a space to call their own it will be fine. Knowing that they still have home to retreat to is a great comfort to students. When the going gets tough the tough quite often go home to mum for the weekend, and nothing wrong with that.

Talk to him. My sons arranged between themselves to swap bedrooms when the eldest went to Uni.

Mine is still the same. I'm 42

I think it’s important they have a permanent bedroom where they can keep stuff. But I think it’s fair enough to swap the bedroom to a not so good one so the sibling who is there all the time gets the better room.

When I went to university my parents immediately moved my younger sibling into my room (AND got her a double bet, which id never been allowed to have...😂).

I stayed in the smaller room the handful of times I went home. I never moved back home as I met a man...then another...then another...etc.

It depends on what is best for your family. I didn't want my younger sibling to be stuck in the little room when I wasn't there so I wanted that for them. But it depends on your family.