Year 12 (4): The one where they're pondering what to do next

Full grants weren’t quite universal. I only got around a third of full grant and my DF wasn’t a particularly high earner. He could only afford to top up the £600 grant I got by £1400 to £2000 because his 25 year mortgage had just finished. There was a pinched middle, rich parents could afford to support their DC no problem and poorer ones got full grant. The ones that struggled were in the middle, just like now, I suppose, though it’s now a loan not a grant.

DH is horrified about the £8k/yr support DD would need off of us. :(
Part of his reaction is he is completely out of touch; his mom had no money & full grants were universal (anyway) when he went to Uni.
Any suggestions how I get him up to speed with 2019?

she seemed quite bright this evening so pushed the job and was met with a no

She cries about having no friends and having awful parents....

Found you all

(From P1) I imagine philosophy courses to be full of people who answer each other's questions with more questions!

Yup - pretty much what my dd1 does

Interesting to pick up quite mixed reviews about Exeter. It wasn't on dd2's list, but she came back from an UCAS fair wanting to go and visit it - they must have good marketing! All her other choices are in the North of England - trouble is, she liked all of them!

oneteen All applicants have now chosen which offers to put as firm / insurance; the universities have processed the numbers by the end of June and know how many places they are likely to fill.

Sandwiches, I have seen a fair few threads on here about teens ostriching.

Your DD does sound depressed. What is she crying about?

The only pressure I could imagine putting on her is to ask her to state a plan B if A-levels don't work out. This plan will obviously be irrelevant if Plan A works out, but it's not unreasonable to ask her for a Plan B. Plan B can be just a few words or half a sentence. The point is just to try to get her to see that she still has many options & opportunities.

@sandwich - Sounds good. When my DD was having a "dark period" she started being a young leader at Brownies and it really made a massive difference ... I'm not sure whether you have an Explore Learning near you but DD is just about to start a tutoring job there only 8-10hrs a week but its full of similar aged tutors and they organize social events etc.

@TheFirstOHN - I assume clearing lists are out because IB results have been released? So this would happen around the same time next year?

oneteen just seen a Sunday only job to her so not too much of a commitment.... She showed a flicker of interest. Experience tells me not to push her too much. Keeping everything crossed

I'll find out from DD (she's at her DF's until Tuesday so I will PM you on her return).

If your DD was open to work experience I think its a really good idea - it may spur her on at college. If she's earning some money that will also lift her spirits.

oneteen thanks, what was the book called?

I suggested to DD that she did some work experience to fill her summer holidays, she was open to that but since seeing her tutor and hearing how she is struggling I've not pushed it. I'm not saying that she should be revising all the holidays but just didn't want to overload her with too many commitments... Maybe you are right 🤔

Teenage years are so so difficult....so many girls have low self-esteem - my DD had a dark patch in Yr10 and she brought herself a book on how to love yourself and this really did help. My advice for what its worth would be patience, praise at every opportunity and love in whatever way/form you can show and demonstrate this to your DD no matter what her behavior - she has to know she has some self-worth.

Can you help her get a job or can she find some voluntary work? Work in the voluntary sector really does lift self-esteem and give some self-worth ...it will also get her out of bed and out of the house and mixing with other youngsters - may open new friendship circles.

numbers college closes for summer holidays now, but yes good idea for September.

Thanks for the book recommendation 👍

Thanks bpisok I hope it improves soon too! Started before her GCSEs just over a year ago 😪

Sandwiches77 - I am afraid I have no advice but I wanted to say that I wish I did.
I hope that things improve soon.

Posted in the teenagers page too, but advice regarding about next steps....

Don't really know where to start... DD has no friends and is lonely. She seems depressed as she sometimes does not wake up until 5pm shock.... She hasn't had a shower in over a week shock when is is awake and not low, she is moody, crying, snappy, argumentative. I think she is depressed but she won't go to see Dr's

She hardly eats... She has a blood test which has come back with her having low vitamin d, Dr prescribed her vitamins but she hardly takes them.

She is at of first year A levels and tutor called us as she is struggling and received an ungraded result in her end of year assessment. She will not consider any alternative to A levels and tutor told her she will have to sit a test in September to determine whether she continues with A levels. She has told tutor that she will revise but I'm not convinced and she spends 70% of free time either asleep or lying on her bed either crying or watching TV. She says she wants to go to Uni but no interest in looking into open days or courses etc

She has just finished having counselling with PCAMHS and they have referred for an autism assessment.

She seems to be in a vicious circle, she isn't receptive to help and when she is awake, tells me to go away and leave her alone.... How I can stand by and watch her hurting so much, it is tearing me up... I try so hard to help... everyone keeps telling me to back off, but she has told me she has suicidal thoughts 😪 so how can I?

DH thinks she is using the possible autism diagnosis as an excuse for some of her horrid behaviour....

So much to unpick here, so grateful for any advice

spababe yes, you'd either have to keep your own records or get the printed version as you suggested.

@TheFirstOHN I knew they were online but I think getting a newspaper is a great way to keep a record because the online lists disappear when the places are filled.

Thanks you so much @TheFirstOHN and @spababe, those are great tips and I have passed them on to DS. He's really lucky that his school has so many "elite" (their words!) applicants every year that the staff are very on the ball with all this. (One girl in his econ class is applying to Harvard and has already done her SATs) But the more info the better!

It's so different from when I had to pick 5 for UCCA and 4 for PCAS...and put them in the right ranking so you didn't annoy certain institutions...(and fluffed my A levels so ended up at last choice Poly)....

I would second the tip from spababe but add that you don't need to buy a newspaper these days as the lists are online.

UCAS released yesterday the lists of courses that they already know will be available in Clearing this year:

www.ucas.com/events/2019-entry-clearing-opens-331906

I'm not worried about size of DD's loans, but I am surprised that > 15% of our household take home will go on her Uni! Other DC wont' be so expensive, but there's a headache how to make that extended large spending on DD fair to other 3 DC.