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Further education

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Original poster

How often do you visit?

38 replies

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2018 11:34

Hi all. My DS is due his A- level results tomorrow and I'm getting myself in a right tizz.

He's just announced that he probably hasn't done well enough because he was too busy on his PlayStation than revising to get into his top choice uni as he needs AAB. This uni is a five hour drive away.

I have severe travel anxiety as I was involved in a very serious car crash before I had the DCs and therefore I don't drive. DH does but I am a dreadful passenger and a complete PITA I'm sure.

He has now decided he's gone off of his 2nd choice as it's near to London and a few other reasons Confused

He's now looking at clearing and has come up with some more universities but they're even further away than his first choice!!!!
So my question is, if you have DCs at a uni a long way away, how often do you visit them/they visit you?

I fully admit that I need to put my big girl pants on and let him fly but I so wish he'd accepted the unconditional offer for the uni in our home town! Wink

I think I need to get lots of wine in for tomorrow Wine

Thanks for reading my rambling waffle

OP posts:
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Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2018 22:31

That's what I'm thinking Backforgood.
I'm thinking he might pop back in October (because he really wants to see his girlfriend) and then the odd thing here and there but I definitely want him to embrace uni life.
The other part of me wants him to come home more often!!!!
Gotta let them fly and all that though

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 20/08/2018 19:30

I was 2 hours away. My parents rarely came to visit me, but I went home a lot (until final year when I got a weekend job) so there was no need really.

ReservoirDogs · 20/08/2018 19:17

went even!

ReservoirDogs · 20/08/2018 19:09

We wet once in 3 years and he only came back at the end of each term.

BackforGood · 20/08/2018 18:14

I think they really miss out on the whole experience if they come home too often. A BIG part of going away to University is the living with other people, sorting out issues that arise, dealing with banks, insurance, doctors, etc that you might be tempted to help them with more if they are home every weekend.
Well worth hinting you don't want to see them before the end of October at the earliest.

I think you get a free railcard if you open a student account at Santander (used to anyway - worth a look)

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2018 15:00

Thank you. I'm definitely going to get him a railcard as it will just be so much easier for him to get the train back instead of the three of us traipsing there in the car.

I'll definitely make a note of the three week home sickness thing. I'd pay for him to come home every weekend if he wanted but I have a feeling that won't be the case! Wink

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LoniceraJaponica · 20/08/2018 09:54

One of my friends said that week 3 is when home sickness really bites, and that many students benefit from a parental or home visit on that weekend. It certainly restored the spritis of her (outgoing and confident) son when he first went to unit last year.

A friend of DD's is at Lincoln, and it took him ages to settle as so many students went home at the weekend during the first term.

I think it depends on the student and the university whether you visit or not. Just play it by ear.

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 20/08/2018 07:38

Get him a young persons railcard if he hasn't already got one. I used mine to pop home during reading week if I wanted to as well as the holidays. It really paid for itself!

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2018 07:22

Thank you @Rebecca36! He's so excited and very lucky apparently, as he's studying sport and exercise science which I've heard is fantastic at Loughborough.
I just hope he remembers to study while he's there because he seems to be looking forward to the social side of it right now I think! Wink

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 20/08/2018 05:56

Wonderful news rainbowstardrops! Loughborough Uni is a great place.

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2018 04:54

I thought my DS would only come back for holidays but he announced the other day that he hopes to come back every few weeks to visit us and his girlfriend, so we're looking into getting him a 16-25 railcard. I wonder how long those visits will last once he's in full swing at uni?!!!! Grin

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BackforGood · 20/08/2018 00:14

Neither of mine are as far away as your dc, but we don't go visiting during the year.
Well, dc2 is in a part of the world where dh sometimes has to be for other reasons, so he will then go and take her out for a meal or something, but that is only because he is there anyway - he didn't do it for dc1.
I did like to take them at the beginning of the year as I am nosey found it easier, having seen the accommodation, but I stress, the journeys were more like 3 hours, and I don't have any issues with driving or being a passenger.

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 16/08/2018 12:16

I think you're right. His friend is doing a completely different course as well.
This is all a bit real now! Grin

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Alittleshaderequired · 16/08/2018 11:28

Don’t worry about the friend. They’ll hang around together for a couple of weeks and then drift apart. Your DS will meet so many new people and have a great time!

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 16/08/2018 11:16

Thank you @Eve! I'm hoping the terms fly by!!!

@Alittleshaderequired I can't imagine my DS will come back any other times than Christmas, Easter etc. I also want him to fully embrace uni life and not worry about us back home.
We've just heard that a friend of his who isn't a great influence on him has also got into Loughborough as well. Confused

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Alittleshaderequired · 16/08/2018 10:58

Loughborough is reasonably central. You’ll be fine. Dh and I are almost 50 and neither of us ever went home apart from the end of term. In fact I didn’t go home other than at Christmas for the whole of my final year as I was working to try and keep my head above water even with a small grant as we were poor and I had younger siblings. My parents were unable to contribute anything so it was hard. The level of debt they need to take on these days is shocking but there’s also more expectation that parents will contribute. My parents were happy for me to go if it was what I wanted but they couldn’t help financially and they wouldn’t have dreamed of ever visiting. I think the mindset has changed and it’s the same with visiting. Because we’re so much more involved, we find it more difficult to see them less (I know I will in a couple of years). I’m expecting to get used to it after the first term, or at least after the first child! WinkGrin

Eve · 16/08/2018 10:30

Congrats Rainbow , my DS has finished his 1st year at Loughborough, its a great uni though a pain to get to by train/ bus.

We don't see DS during term at all, it goes by very quickly.

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 16/08/2018 10:26

I think that's part of the appeal for him too!
He's got his results this morning and he's done really well and got his 1st choice!
Loughborough uni, here he comes!

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lastqueenofscotland · 16/08/2018 09:53

I grew up in the wilds of the highlands and went to exeter on a clear run without stopping it was about a 10 hour drive... my mum visited once in three years, it was part of the appeal

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2018 21:15

This is all really useful and enlightening, so thank you all!!!
I'm gradually getting my head round to the fact that we'll probably only see him every few months or so.
I won't pretend that I'm not struggling with that but on the other hand, I want him to fly .....
Jeez this parenting thing doesn't get easier!

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twiglet · 15/08/2018 19:03

I went to uni over 8 hours away I would go back at Christmas and Easter and for a visit in summer hols as usually was travelling or working.

Terms are late Sept to 15thish Dec, mid Jan - Easter then after Easter til early June.

Depending on the course will be if he gets chance to be away for a long weekend etc.

But tbh it's actually a lot better for him if he doesn't come back often in between mainly as he will settle a lot easier and quicker if he and new friends to be made are about.

My undergrad uni hardly anyone left for weekends during term time 15 years later they are still some of my closest friends.
Post grad I went to a uni where most people returned home for weekends....have about 4 on Facebook and haven't seen or spoken to them in 5 years!

Stopyourhavering64 · 15/08/2018 18:52

Dd1and Ds both at Unis 7 hr dive away....so we only saw/see them at end of term....dd1 is now working in China and I haven't see her for almost a year

grannycab · 15/08/2018 18:15

Mine liked when I paid for their tickets i have to say!

Original poster
rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2018 16:05

Thank you @ForeverBubblegum, @grannycab and @OddBoots.

I'd hate to rock up to his uni and embarrass him, so buying him a train ticket for the holidays and maybe birthday weekends if he wants to, will definitely be the way to go I think!
DH and I didn't go to uni as we're old and from the times when you only really went if your parents could afford to pay for it, so this is all completely new to us!!!

OP posts:
OddBoots · 15/08/2018 15:53

It always seemed more logical for ds to come home for a visit rather than us go to him as it involved buying fewer train tickets and there is a free bed here for him. He also wanted to see extended family and friends.

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