DS probably dropping out of uni. DH horrified.

Of course they can communicate in English if they’re doing an English medium degree at one of the country’s top universities.

But OP is saying that they choose not to when they don't have to.

I am sure they can but often (as at my dds school) they prefer not to. This is not a racist observation and it's ridiculous to start insinuating that it is.

Oh, and I also find the comment about the Chinese students quite odd. Of course they can communicate in English if they’re doing an English medium degree at one of the country’s top universities.

I’d be a bit concerned about the reasoning- meet 10 people from the north plus girl ( is she actually his girlfriend? I wasn’t clear). Decide all northerners are your people. Drop out. Move to Newcastle. That’s not to say that his current situation isnt challenging. I’m just not sure it’s the right solution. It sounds as though the gap year thing was perfect for a shy person because the group nature facilitated making friends and he had a blast and is now trying to recreate that.

My DS went to a top red brick uni a few years ago. He was so excited, but quickly his dream unravelled. He too felt like a fish out of water as nearly all the other students were either from the Independent Sector or abroad. As someone who had always found academic work fairly easy I encouraged him to speak to his tutor about his concerns. Unfortunately, we found out later that his tutor was a newbie to the role and was as much use as a chocolate teapot. After failing his first year through mental health issues, I encouraged him to walk away as you rightly say, there is more to life than a certificate.
Twelve months later he re-applied to a different top university to do a completely different degree. Best decision he could have made as he successfully completed the course and now works in London.

The only down side is DS has an extra year of student debt, but quite frankly, this is a small price to pay for his happiness.
I hope your son manages to find a future path which brings him happiness.

DS is a Maths nerd and this is why we advised him against going to a Uni in London - cost & harder to make friends.

My dd went to a private school that was a third Chinese and they absolutely did not socialise outside their group. None of the did sport or wanted to go to the English girls homes so it was impossible to break through to them.

I would encourage him to stick with it until Christmas or Easter but definitely also encourage him to research what other course he wants.

If he is depressed, listen to him. Go and look at other unis so he at least feels that he has an escape route.

I was also thinking someplace in London - Imperial and UCL both have those kinds of mixes. And the Chinese crew can be extremely insular - yes, they can usually speak English well enough to do the course but most of them will absolutely not socialise outside of their circle. They can also be very difficult to engage in tutorials/group work.

The plus side to being someplace like a London uni is that his tribe is there somewhere, but he does need to look for it. Second joining clubs or trying to move halls (or even move rooms in his current hall). I’d stick it out until Christmas, but yes, life’s too short to be miserable. Especially if it is a tough course - courses at Imperial/Oxbridge are hard enough if you are struggling outside of the course too.

One of my children went to a university which also has a huge Chinese contingent, and he was in the same position as your son: on his floor at student halls, he was the only person who wasn't Chinese, and they all talked in Chinese to each other and ignored him, so he found he couldn't socialise much.

He worked out that other floors had a higher concentration of English-speakers, so he started using the kitchens on those other floors; he went out of his way to participate in the events organised by the halls supervisors, so he met lots of friends, too.

He's now in his final year and in a flat share with three people he met while in halls. One of them is one of the Chinese people who wouldn't talk to him! They all get on well now.

If I were your son I'd try to stick it out to the end of this term; I'd look at other ways to socialise; I'd consider joining societies and groups (there are usually loads of them at uni). It takes a while but it is possible to make friends. But don't let him feel bullied into it by your husband, who should take your son's mental health seriously.

I hope he finds his place there.

I’m guessing because I like to

Actually I was going to say that I know people who have taken longer to settle at Oxbridge, so offer some reassurance.

But then I’ve had another guess and have picked LSE.

If it’s there, yes he has very good career prospects for certain degrees but not enough to put up with 3 years of misery - is anything worth that?

If he’s only moving for his gf that’s a bad idea, but if he wants to move even if they were to split up, then I would fully support him

Whyu do posters try to play this pathetic guessing game? Is it LSE? Is it Oxford? Is it Bristol?

It doesn't FUCKING MATTER what University it is as that does not change the matter that the OP is concerned about her son, who is not settling in and is desperately unhappy.

Much sympathy to you and your ds. This must be such a stressful time.
The change of accommodation may make a massive difference, so it would be worth not making any 'final' decisions yet. When does he move? Also has your ds tried meeting people outside the university - meetup groups, local sports groups and so on?

As others have said, there are some great universities further north - if your ds is currently where I'm speculating he may be it's true that others would not have the same world reputation, but that is not the only thing that matters. I think as dparents we can sometimes think our dc should go to the highest flying university possible - but sometimes that isn't actually the best place for that particular person.

Here we go with people screaming racist.

My DS is also in his first year at Uni. You have lots of sympathy OP.

Maybe the new accommodation will make the difference he needs - you should advise him to stick it out until Christmas.

However, if he moves to Newcastle, it should be for many reasons not just his girlfriend, because the chances of that relationship lasting for ever are slim. (I can see that's going to be hard for him to accept!)

But it's much better to be happy on a less-highly rated course than miserable on a top one. And he will do much better in life overall is his Uni experience is positive.

He is an adult, as his parents you can advise him, but you must support him whatever his decision is. I think you know that OP but maybe your DH needs to realise this too.

All the best to you all

"It's a scandal no one talks about" that there are 5 Chinese girls who don't speak English on his corridor? Are you for real? Is DS able to leave his corridor and see what the rest of his university/university town has to offer? I mean you're right to worry about his well being but don't blame others for his problems. It could be that a smaller town, smaller uni more representative of Brexit traditional England would be good for him.

To the sceptical PP: I am guessing he's somewhere in London and therefore the high number of international students is very likely. I did my Masters at UCL and at least a third of the class was Chinese. There was only one other UK national on my course.
As others have said, it's easy to transfer and you should support him if he wants to do so. He can always go somewhere more 'prestigious ' later.

This happened to my DS, in the sense that he realised he'd chosen the wrong course and the wrong place once he got there. He raised it with me in the first term, but decided to carry on and give it a good go. After Christmas he decided it definitely wasn't going to work, he reapplied to uni and started in Leeds next September.
Unlike your son, he had made friends and did finish the year, but was adamant it wasn't right for him and although I was worried he was getting a "lesser" degree, he has absolutely flown through uni second time and it has been the making of him. Now graduated and working in a job related to his degree.
It sounds like he's accessing all the help he can, but if it's really not working, IMO he should start again elsewhere.

The issue may be that overseas students simply feel more comfortable speaking their native language in a social context but can cope perfectly well in academia, most often maths, engineering, sciences etc. It can be isolating for those left out though. Hence why to seek a move. Alternatively he meets it head on and tries to find things in common (such as subject studied) and ask about their background, share food and so on. Has he no friends on the course itself?

Why are people trying to guess which university the ds is at? I have a rough idea, given the description but that doesn't help the OP.

Change.
I stuck it out, for no benefit really. It didn't get better.

Is he at Oxbridge?

If so all the students there can speak English wherever in the world they come from

OP, I signed up just so I could reply to your thread. Don't make him stay. My best friend started at LSE and hated it, for similar reasons you mention. She left around Easter of first year and restarted at Newcastle - the best decision she ever made, she was a different person after the move. Some family members were horrified but her parents were so supportive and I think that helped her a lot - the worst thing your son could be feeling whilst hes feeling so rubbish anyway is that he's letting his dad down. Newcastle/Leeds are still fantastic universities in terms of academic study but also (and I think it is important) have absolutely brill social scenes, so IMO he would have a better overall student experience.