DS probably dropping out of uni. DH horrified.

It's not that you can't criticise. It's just that you can't make stuff up.

OP claimed that two thirds of the students at her DC's Russell Group university are from overseas. I do not believe this to be true. Even at the most diverse institutions, the numbers are much smaller.

OP, you cannot criticise unis or education on mumsnet. There seem to be a disproportionate amount of 'admissions tutors'

I would wager that a lot of these Chinese students were at British boarding schools for up to 9 years.

Universities are large employers in their local area - it's not just academics There are huge amounts of staff that are not involved in teaching.

Another thing I thought, OP, is that he's done amazingly well to have tried all the things he's trying - he's changed accommodation, he's exercising, he's joined groups, he's seeing a counsellor, so if none of that is the answer, and if the counsellor or his doctor think it might be an idea, then try the anti-depressants. I say this in the kindest way possibly, but if you are taking them to cope with the stress of all this, then maybe your son has inherited your genes, and might benefit from the help also. Worth thinking about, surely?

I suffer from awful anxiety and have recently started to wonder how much nicer my life might have been if I'd realised what it was and got some help. A bit late now for me though.

If somebody comes out with a blatant untruth to back up an assertion that overseas students do not speak sufficient English then it is I am afraid racism. I don’t know what she is talking about claiming admissions officers are satisfied with students doing a one month course / hooking up with an English student to do their work. Admission tutors are only satisfied if students have passed a language test. The Home Office recently got itself in a lot of legal hot water when it deported hundreds of overseas students on the pretext that the language test was not carried out rigorously. The courts determined otherwise. As to plaguerism then that is an issue whether the students are from overseas or not but universities go to great lengths with software etc to identify it and the penalties are extremely severe and rigidly immplememted. No student is left under any illusion that to do it is to risk exclusion.

There are a lot who have dc currently or recently at uni.

I had a good friend at uni who had transferred there a few weeks into the first semester. He'd started at a higher ranked uni and hated it. He came to ours, was happy, made friends, got a first, did a PhD, is now a publishing lecturer. It was far braver of him to make the move than to try to stick it out in a place he hated, and it paid off.

“many MNers work in universities”
how many? I bet it’s a tiny percentage.

I actually can’t believe the number of posters blaming the op’s son. Did you all miss the bit where she said he is having suicidal thoughts?

I don't think you are being racist OP. I am sure that many of the Asian students have chosen precisely that university/course because they know there will be lots of other Asian people there with whom they can socialise. What is then wrong with the OP's son trying to find a university where he finds it easier to socialise?

OP, I think let him finish this term, and then support him if he wants to move up North. As other posters have said, lots of students find they've not picked quite the right course/university in the first year and then it's a case of finding the courage to change. He clearly desperately needs your support. Just knowing that you are 100% behind him, no matter what, is the key.

I used to work with someone whose son failed the first year at university and was too afraid to tell his father, and so 'went back' for the start of the second year but was sleeping on the streets. I know it's not the same, but children will do anything to avoid their parents' disappointment so you must try and get your dh to keep it to himself. What was it that Aldous Huxley said about kindness - that after everything he'd studied, in the end, his conclusion was that we should all try to be a little kinder to each other. Tell your dh to be kind.

Everyone I know who went to a northern university has been very happy. Of the two I know who went to southern ones, the one who went to Goldsmiths dropped out after the first term and went to Edinburgh instead the next year, and the one who went to Exeter dropped out completely and never went back!

Have any of you walked around a uni campus recently? Done a course? They are of course providing humungous amounts of money for the university's

I think it's safe to say that many MNers work in universities.

I am not here to argue about this, but actually probably the reason no-one dares address it is because of the predictable shouts of "racist".

Nobody has taken much issue with the fact that we are now in the era of high international student enrolments, have they?

It's your use of "scandal" and overall tone that's problematic.

But, but, but..... he must have been there like 3 weeks?

Did the course start at a different time or has he really decided it's hopeless and intolerable after three weeks?

If I'm wrong I apologise profusely but I'm just concerned this is a massive over reaction and that moving your son to better accommodation may be more productive.

Our son came home dad at Christmas and that was concerning but we talked to him and discussed things to try with the assurance that if he continued to struggle he could come home. We Skyped every night, talked to him and finding activities etc. He joined the newspaper and the rugby squad and found (by asking in his lecture group) two people who wanted to run and things changed almost immediately .
By Easter he never replied to my texts

There is a midway point between pulling him and sending him to his girlfriend and ignoring him.
Chasing friends, especially a girlfriend , isn't the best idea

I went to a top uni for my subject. Got put in halls as a fresher surrounded by final year students. Was so miserable. I couldnt have said anything to my parents. I stuck it out and got my degree but god i wish id have had the balls to independently change unis. My parents had wrapped me in cotton wool so i had no clue about anything. Thankfully i did my masters in a place i loved.

I bet on the Chinese equivalent of Mumsnet there are many mums moaning that their children are not coming out of their rooms at UK unis because nobody makes the effort to speak to them. Hint, if you want to get to know a Chinese student go eat with them...

"whether they will be friendlier or is it him?"

Well, it may be a bit of both. You mentioned he might seem aloof and arrogant because he is shy - and I think that can sometimes be a problem for shy people. Do you think he's aware of the need to appear more approachable and friendly? - I know it can be very difficult to broach the subject because you don't want to damage a dc's self-confidence even more. But then you say he is doing everything he can to socialise, so perhaps he is aware already?

I haven't rtft but both my brothers dropped out of university and both earn more than I do with a degree. And both are on very decent wages. Not going to university, or even just not going to the best ones, doesn't mean you won't get a decent career. Happiness is far more important than the name of the university.

Totally understand OP. Ds is at a uni in a flat made up of Asian students, they don't come out of their rooms. He's so fed up not to have a good uni experience in that way. He's been lonely with no one to chat to in the kitchen etc. It's tough. He's making friends via sports clubs.

OP Yes I have and one that had 30% overseas students. You evidently have not and you are frankly talking out of your arse. Overseas students have to pass a language test, I have never known any who could not speak a decent level of English, certainly more than adequate to take part in seminars and make a very useful contribution (in some cases there is a cultural reluctance to speak up because they are used to talk and chalk but no decent academic let’s that happen). No overseas student is at Imperial without being extremely clever and having a great deal to contribute. Why doesn’t your son take the girls in his flat to Canteen, the Chinese cafe by South Ken tube get them to order for him and find out a bit about them?

Your poor son to be guided by someone so xenophobic.

OP there is quite a lot off support for you on this thread. And no doubt the issue with the large numbers of Chinese students is a real one, and while it is one of the factors affecting your DS it is not the main point of the thread - which is how to help him deal with the situation he is in at the moment.

Well I chose my uni based on a holiday romance (it does sound as if OPs son is basically lovesick) and whilst it worked out (the uni, the holiday romance withered in the face of reality) I certainly do not think such immature emotions, however strongly felt, should influence your life choices. Newcastle is three hours on the train, get a Railpass.

I am guessing this is Imperial, get over the racism, most UK unis have a lot of overseas students, but the problem there is that it is boy heavy. Both my DDs shared with Chinese students and made an effort and made friendships for life. If they really don’t speak English, they really would not be at a top 3 uni (as the recent court judgement against the Home Office reinforced ) However students at Imperial do need to get out of campus, and get involved with ULU and other activities that enable them to meet students from other London unis, DD knew a lot of Imperial students.

You do not need to go north to meet northerners.DDs London student flat-share included friends from Lancashire and Yorkshire whilst other DDs northern student flat-share was all but one with friends from London and the south (plus China )

Imperial is an amazing uni in which to study many courses and the networks you set up there will last you for life. Socially it is male and geeky so if that does not suit him then he needs to find a social life that does. There are so many sports and cultural activities that would help him meet other London students. Imperial students often mix with students from the music schools nearby for instance.

If it is the wrong course, fair enough, but to throw it because of puppylove and the resulting unwillingness to make an effort.....

With regards to the Chinese students, they are of course also in their first term, away from their homes and countries and are probably terrified and home sick so stick tightly together. It isn't personal and it's not his fault. He should see how new accommodation goes then if that still doesn't improve matters, move him.

It's hard to imagine proportions of foreign students that the OP describes.

At DD's course, it's about 30% overseas (a good proportion native English speakers), 30% Scottish/EU, 40% rUK. Non-English speakers have to do an English competency test.

I suspect that her DS is not seeing things clearly.

Lookingahead, yes it has paid off. He has been very happy so far. He is in a shared flat with 8 people & fortunately they all get on well together. Other friends of his have not been as lucky though - and one has had to change accommodation, so it seems to be a bit of a lottery.