DS probably dropping out of uni. DH horrified.

Clavinova I know a lot of students who went to UCL and none had the same experience as OP International students are spread between halls or concentrated in halls that cater specifically for overseas students eg International House or the expensive private halls. EU students in particular integrate completely, excellent English, few cultural issues. There is s bigger cultural divide with Chinese students but it is not unbridgeable if you make the effort. Some of those I students studied in those departments with a high proportion of overseas students, in STEM subjects, simply not an issue apart perhaps from the increased competition and raising of standards that comes with having some of the world’s brightest (and without wanting to reinforce stereotypes but in many cases most hard working).

It is of course luck of the draw whether you have flatmates you get on with but it is actually surprising how often you do.

And what I see is that students who learn to become more broad-minded about the kinds of people they "get on with" have a better time, and learn a lot more. I remember that as one of the really important things I learnt at university: that I needed to learn how to get along wit, and work with, people who were very different from me (I'd been brought up in a rather isolated place & a small community). And that was such a pleasure & a revelation. I became really interested in people, and different lives, even if I didn't deeply like people or want to live their lives. But it was all learning.

Unlike some rather privileged young people I had in a seminar once, who said "There are no black people in our village, so why do we have to learn about multiculturalism and post-colonialism?"

The Complete University Guide's stats for UCL do not appear to be correct/do not include EU students?

The op's description is very plausible for UCL, LSE or Imperial I think.

UCL have detailed admission statistics;
www.ucl.ac.uk/srs/statistics

Table J does show that some undergraduate courses have more 'overseas' students than 'home' students. It should also be noted that the percentage/number of 'home' students includes EU students as well - EU students are not counted as 'overseas' students.

Tables H,I,N,O and P are also relevant. Tables T and T2 show student ethnic groups.

Certainly, there is a poster on the Higher Education forum whose ds is studying at LSE. They appear to have no complaints about the university/course but she does mention that 'nobody spoke' during classes/tutorials for the first year. I think she also said that her ds's girlfriend lives abroad - they obviously speak to each other eventually!

I would suggest changing halls/corridors for 6 weeks if possible - even if it's just to be with 5 international boys as opposed to 5 girls.

I really don't get this, my DDs experience at unis in London and the north were really not that different (and the northern uni was a campus uni). Made good friends in halls in the first year, then shared with them and enjoyed similar social lives, the same student nights at clubs, plays galleries etc. The difference was that London obviously offered a lot more in terms of culture. It is of course luck of the draw whether you have flatmates you get on with but it is actually surprising how often you do. If not though there are so many other ways to make friends, sports, drama, music, ironing society , on your course. If a student is going to have problems mixing socially as OPs clearly has (though 3 weeks in is very early days) they are going to have them wherever they go.

I do think there is a particular problem for students settling in now in that Freshers is so frenetic and promises so much, and social media fills with images of people appearing to have a great time that there is no expectation any more that actually it is normal to be homesick, miss your friends, especially if romance is involved and to find it hard to make friends. Always was and still is.

As to blaming it on overseas students, well Imperial with 23.3% is a bit higher than most but there are few Russell group or equivalent unis that have less than 10% and most have around15% so the difference is not going to make much practical difference to uni life. For the truly xenophobic who fail to see the benefits of being part of a global community there is Liverpool Hope with hardly any........ www.thecompleteuniversityguide.co.uk/international/international-students-the-facts/by-university/

But perhaps the shy 17 year olds who most need a low-clique environment, don't know quite how globalised some institutions are.

why would they? How can we change this?

Maybe it's good that it's being discussed. It's a bit of a case of "horses for courses" but maybe sixth formers aren't altogether realising how different student demographics can be?

Many Londoners know this about the good London unis and so do people who work in HE.

But perhaps the shy 17 year olds who most need a low-clique environment, don't know quite how globalised some institutions are.

Getting tearful reading this
Came on here to ask about settling in London
My DD at v small university- part of university of London and course 80% girls - loves course but is so lonely. Chats to people in hall (80%
international she’s says - idk if this relevant) but it doesn’t go further. Sits with people for coffee after lectures but they seem to have formed solid friendship groups and ignore her. She went out with girls from course - has done a few times and says they just ignore her so she goes home after she’s had enough - I truly think she’s trying hard.
She finds London v stressful and lonely
I don’t know what to say when I meet her from train at lunchtime
I’ve read the thread and maybe volunteering and more university of London activities?
I feel sick tbh

I was at Cambridge and my group of friends was split roughly 50/50 in terms of people who’d been to state / private school.

I was a complete novelty at Cambridge - I only met one good friend who hadn't been to either grammar or private school and she was from Australia!!

State intake to Cambridge is 62%, even if it were 20 years ago it would have been 50% so it’s simply not true that most of your peers were public/private school and wealthy When I went, it was about 45% state, and of those, at least a third were from selective grammars. So, in general, about a third of the intake was from comprehensive school. In my particular college, it was much less to the extent that they openly asked for comprehensive school students, particularly women, to apply as both were vastly under-represented. I think it's a bit dismissive to just write this off- I found lovely friends at Cambridge, but it was hard work at times to make sense of the very strange public school culture which was still very pervasive.

The % is certainly higher than the actual % of private schools, but the fact is over half of the students at Oxbridge are state educated, (and many privately educated students are not from particularly wealthy backgrounds.) That’s half the university in the boat as you.

I’ve never really understood why people find pissed Sloane intimidating - they’re just tiresome.

My first experience of uni was similar. I became miserable, depressed and lost a lot of weight so I made the decision to leave said well known and reputable uni at xmas.
Went to a different uni nearer home the following year and loved it.

Nothing's worth being unhappy for and lots of people have false starts.

As someone who was in a similarly shitty situation with halls (asked for all female halls; got mixed halls with 5 people who made instant friends and kept me awake until 3 or 4am most nights with their parties), I would definitely say to give the change in accommodation a chance, because it can make a difference.

Having said that, I had major social anxiety and ended up suffering from depression too. As a result I ended up dropping out of my course, but I didn't have good mental health support at uni or supportive parents so please don't think your DS will end up in the same situation as me. What I would say is that if the change in accommodation doesn't help, your DS needs to do what feels right for him, and if that means leaving his current uni and starting again somewhere else next year then I would hope your DH accepts that. The examples a lot of us have given here might help persuade him that it's about looking after yourself and your MH, which is v important.

Admitting students with sub-standard language skills is the fault of the institution.

The only students with sub-standard language skills that I have taught are British. The standard of written work of our British students in my subject (entering with very high A level grades in STEM subjects) is shocking. International students typically far out perform them in writing reports and dissertations. But, hey, why let facts get in the way of a good xenophobic story?

he really is trying - he's exercising regularly, seeing a counsellor, is moving to different accomodation, has joined all kinds of groups. But remains isolated and lonely.

I really don't understand how changing universities would help. Why shouldn't the same thing happen again there? Because there are not so many Chinese people around him?

Sounds like he wants to move because of this Newcastle girl. What if the relationship doesn't work out (assuming she isn't already with someone else - which would be completely normal at this age)?

Agree, some veiled racism here. Which doesn't mean the specific group of people aren't excluding him.
I encountered the nastiest clique who excluded me at a northern uni, largely because I was from the south, professional northerners. Things improved in the 2nd and 3rd years. Moving isn't a magic solution, nor is the north something out of GP tips and bread ads. If he's depressed that needs treating or he will be miserable anywhere.
OP you mention suicide, if you're genuinely that concerned, he needs urgent medical help, talking about suicide should always be taken seriously. He could start with going to his GP, and iirc you say he's having counselling, so he could also talk to his counsellor about risk and what to do if said risk is more than a counsellor can deal with. I'm sorry he's having a bad time, things can get better.

'I honestly think all this "off to uni" business has got a bit out of hand and the expectations that come with it are leading people to feel at best short-changed and at worst very depressed if they don't find this huge group of bosom friends within five minutes.'

I think that has always been a bit of an expectation tbh - and it has always been dashed in quite a few cases. I agree with you that it isn't a good thing. It makes the first few weeks at university nerveracking - because if you see the whole point of going to university as being to make new friends and then you don't straight away, that is very disappointing. Whereas you don't start a job expecting that, and friendships develop much more naturally.

I must say various recent threads on mn have made me rather more sceptical about the joys of university for the non party/ non-socially alpha types. Particularly if you don't have a major sporting or musical interest that you can make friends through. It may just be that it takes longer to make friends I suppose - but you're up against the huge 'have a whale of a time straight away' pressure.

Listen to your instinct about your son OP & not your DH. Also make sure you facilitate the right help for any MH issues, push for it/pay for it if you can. I have a friend who did neither for various reasons (& for whom people were also trotting out 'you're being over dramatic'/he's an adult etc). It wasn't her fault, she wasn't to know how it would end but I wouldn't want anyone else to go through what she did.

I'm saying this as we've all heard the stats about the highest risk group for suicide & you mention it in your OP. Maybe try taking him for a weekend away & see if he'll open up to you about how he really feels? My DH is also of the 'get a grip' school of empathy, I would override his input if I thought my son was feeling that low. I hope it works out ok OP

Ladyincement Yes they are saying disgraceful things about Chinese students perse. OP opened up with an ignorant and untrue diatribe which others have been happy to pitch in to. Nobody has provided any evidence that Imperial are admitting vast numbers of Chinese Students who "do not have the language skills to communicate in English" They have all sat a test, Imperial can be very selective in who it takes and would have no possible motivation to admit students who could not take a full part and meet the demands of academic life. My DD certainly never had experience of Chinese students not able to speak English on her Science course at a nearby London University. With no basis in fact OP is being disgraceful in the prejudice she is showing to these students.

Household Exactly my thoughts. Universities now are actually actively trying to develop global skills in their students, even Northern ones! At York every student has to learn a language, orientated to the course, in their first year, Leeds has it global community initiative, in spite of being Northern. Overseas students are seen as positively contributing to this aim. If students come influenced by attitudes like Ops what chance do they stand.......

Chestervase as discussed they do have the level of English needed to complete their courses. When you think that Chinese students grow up with a language that is written as pictograms and in which context not tense is the (actually very economic) driver in terms of time, but the meaning of words change completely according to the tones used (the word for nine, dog, and penis is the same in Cantonese, use the wrong one of nine tones and it can get sticky) with all the implications for memory skills and brain development and add in an education system that wants model answers rather than critical thinking and you will see that alongside learning the language Chinese students have to make huge changes to the way they think and study to do well, but they do do well, that is exactly why there are so many at universities like Imperial and LSE who can and do select the brightest and best from the rest of the world. LSE for instance has the highest number of applications for a course (Economics) in the whole country.

Household he is actually a man, not a boy.

Which is actually important to bear in mind in these "parent of a fresher" situations, IME.