DS probably dropping out of uni. DH horrified.

My point it they let me decide and I actually stuck it out.

Would he have left if it wasn’t for the girl? Sometimes kids can over emphasis the issues as a way to justify what they wish to do. In this instance it could be he just wishes to be closer to her.

What happens if they split up? Will he wish to change again?

Ultimately he’s an adult and he needs to make his own decisions then deal with the results of those decisions.

I’ve also no clue which Russel group uni is predominantly Chinese and international students and only a third British. That seems highly unlikely indeed.

I think your husband needs to pipe down, it's not his life.
I think the Uni option up North sounds much better. Best wishes to him.

The best thing my parents did was to say that I could be working in a super market for all they cared, the most important thing was that I was that I was happy.

I wasn’t physically well at uni but it took a while to work out what the issue was and I became quite depressed. My parents suggested dropping out or having a year break. Just hearing these things really helped me, knowing I had unconditional support. Incidentally I was at Newcastle, the course wasn’t the issue it was my health - I’ve always loved the city (wasn’t from here) and have remained, built a career, many friends. Its an awesome place to live.

Let him come home if he wants but my worry is he wants to move to be close to his new girlfriend, which might not be the best option. Is he worried about what she up to at uni so far away from him?

Obviously if he is unhappy because he wants to be with her, moves and then they split it's just a life lesson learned so not necessarily reason not to do it. I just think it's worth making sure he is being honest with himself about his motivation so he doesn't makes rash decision. It's early days still after all - both uni and the relationship.

How long has he been there? Three weeks? A month?

Far too soon for him to decide. But when he decides, it has to be him, not you.

Tell him he needs to be careful not to start to seem flakey though- a gap year, then leaving a university within a few months to start again. He's already going to be 2-3 years older than everyone he is going to be joining in his new choice, so may find the friendship issues happen all over again.

He has to join some clubs. Sports or otherwise.
It sounds like he has been put in an international hall or staircase. He needs to perhaps have a shared room too.
For first term this is normal. Just get him back every other weekend and ask him to speak to his tutor.
Try not to catastrophise with him and see if you can sort out some coping mechanisms.

How odd that all these foreigners are studying at one of the best universities in Britain and yet are seemingly unable to speak English.

Oh God I was your son in my first year at Uni and I have never been unhappier. It was just awful.

Very similar situation - I was in a city which was actually not too far from home but the accommodation was shared rooms and I was with someone I didn't get on with, shared bathrooms, noisy parties, no friends, feeling totally overwhelmed, parents telling me to just get on with it and it was character building. I still don't see how sitting crying through every lecture and tutorial was in any way character building.

The only person who was sympathetic was the academic staff member who was in charge of the Halls where I was staying. He spoke to my parents and made them understand just how bad things were, and managed to arrange for me to move back home for the year and commute. Travelling was a nightmare but better than being in the halls - I coped. Then at the end of my first year I transferred to my home city and was much happier.

Please do not put pressure on your son to stay somewhere that he is truly unhappy. Life is too short and there are always options to transfer, drop out and go back next year. Leeds and Newcastle are hardly "bad" options for Uni education.

First term is often rubbish.

So saying a friend's daughter was unhappy for the first two years (same reasons as your son). She refused to change uni though. The last year she met her OH and now lives, after graduation and at her choice, in that city.

Omg let him follow his heart. These could be the best years of his life but if you force him to stay on the course you could be setting him up for life long mental health problems.

My dd didn't finish her last year at Uni due to stress and other factors. She went to work for a few years, then went back to Uni part time and completed her degree while working. She felt better about it and was able to do things at her own pace.

Mental health is always more important. You can't get a good job if you're dead.

It sounds like he really clicked with a group of people and understandably he wants to be near them. I would encourage him to do what makes him happy. Life is so much more than about which university a person attended. Having said that he should not move simply for romantic reasons unless he understands that his girlfriend could end things with him.

what the heck is wrong with going “up north”?
No wonder your poor son had issues if he knows his parents have that sort of attitude.

My daughter had a rocky start but was brave enough to change flats and try again- now she’s doing really well! She suffers badly with anxiety too.
I know lots of students in Newcastle and it seems a fun friendly place.

I also think that if he’s prepared to change what is wrong and sort it out that is a positive thing and shows resilience. All we can do at their age is advise and support......which is hard but will empower him for the future if it turns out well as it has done for my daughter. Hugs to you, I know how hard it is going through this.

I really had to write as this rang SO many bells for me. My DB went to a top Uni in the south and by the first Christmas came home telling my parents that he didn't want to do his course anymore and was unhappy. My parents at the time had very busy careers and to there eternal shame didn't listen and told him to stick with it. It was a four year course and he struggled on for 2.5 years and then became very depressed. Cue us driving down monthly when he wasn't contacting us to insure he was still alive. He stopped paying his rent, he stopped washing and would not contact us. He had friends, who helped him spend his inheritance on booze so he felt even worse. After 3 years he dropped out of his course, so it was a total waste of time anyway.
He came home after 4 years and it took 2 years for him to sort himself out and get a good job. 16 years on he is married and happy but not having a degree has affected him career. I often as do my parents wonder would have happened if he had been allowed and supported when he came home that Christmas and said he wanted to stop. I truly believe he would have had a much easier happier life.
Please listen to your son.

I did 2 years at a uni where I was incredibly miserable and I am still paying the mental cost of that 16 years later. My mum and dad encouraged me to leave rather than try to finish my course. I was failing in every possible way. If he can stick it out til Christmas with the new arrangements but is still unhappy, let him come home.

I’ve been in a situation where I hated the uni and the people in my halls. I left - no regrets, no ill effects from doing it! I started another course the year after.

My sister hated her course, left, and did an internship for the rest of the year which in my honest opinion served her a lot better than sticking it out!

I think you need to get him to articulate why exactly he wants to move and if this can be changed where he is now easily- eg where he is living. Once you have done that he can make a logical decision as to next steps

Not as a parent but I have been the student in this situation.

I had a terrible first year. Wrote suicide notes, spent every evening locked in my room in halls doing embroidery listening to everyone else have fun.

I was a very young 18yo from a small village. I'd missed out on normal teen life because I'd been ill with cancer from 13-15 and I'd never been out drinking.

I stuck it out because I just wasn't brave enough to tell my parents or do anything else.

Things got much better in my second year when I got a house share with locals and made friends away from uni. I'm still best friends with one of them now, 25 years later.

It worked out for me but it doesn't for everyone and we're much better at talking about it now. I'd let him make his own decisions and trust that he knows what is best for him.

I'd encourage him to stay until Christmas. If needs be he has time to reapply for next year and sort his mh but he needs to bear in mind the likes of Durham are not full of northerners (and very £££) and definitely not move just for a gf. Is there any chance he could ask the accommodation office to move him , having likeminded housemates could buoy him along. At least if he can make an effort on this score and join a society or course group he will have given himself a better chance to settle.

He needs to speak to his tutor before doing anything else.

What difference is an arbitrary few weeks/months going to make if the majority of people on his course don’t speak his language?

Move ASAP. Stuff DH

Is he somewhere like LSE? I know 2 of DD's friends who have dropped out from there and restarted at Leeds.
It is very common for students to decide they have picks the wrong course or the wrong university - or both.
My DD dropped out of another university - she just wasn't coping, hated the vocational course, didn't gel with her flat mates etc. I was gutted for her at the time and very concerned about her. She stuck it until Easter but had told us within the first month that she hated it. She put in a late application for a different and academic course and named 3 universities. She got all 3 offers. She is now in the second year of her new degree and very happy. It is still a reasonable university (RG not that means that much) but not as a higher standing as her first one. But a 2.1 from there will mean much more than the breakdown she was having at her first university.
Financially it is better to leave at the end of a term otherwise student finance may want to claw back part of the terms living allowance loan.
DDs university accommodation also accepted a months notice on her accommodation before she has actually left as her course tutor emailed them to say she was leaving.