DS1 refusing to choose a Universities!

No rush to do anything now but after exams it might be an idea to visit a local uni for him to get a feel of what uni is all about. It doesn't have to be a uni he wants to go to. Then get into a discussion about the kind of uni he might consider - campus, small town, big city. Does he have any idea what Bath might be like compared to Birmingham compared to Bangor? If he wants to do a course that's on offer at most universities, you can narrow down choices straight away based on the kind of uni he wants. He's possibly just overwhelmed with the prospect. Once he has predicted grades, he can narrow down the choices even further.

My own advice would be to avoid London unless there's a particularly special course on offer there - too big, too expensive, too much going on outside what the uni has to offer, and there's lots of time for London once you've graduated.

I would leave it for now. My ds1 has an open day booked with school taking him to Cambridge. I suggested it might be an idea to consider what he wants to see when he is there and he had a very stressed reaction.
He pointed out that he has exams to study for, work experience to gain, driving to consider and to have pressure applied to consider where he is planning to live and study is something he doesn't need until at least after his exams.

He is right.

You have to give the responsibility to him and support him in the (good or bad) choices he makes, not make the choices for him. Where would you making his choices stop? Are you going to choose his job or his partner or his first mortgages house? It's his life.

Supporting him is encouraging him to take charge of his own life.

Disempowering him is doing things for him. Effectively you are de-skilling him by making choices he should be making.

If your son really wants to go to college this year or next year, he will make it happen.

Tell him you're happy to drive him to look round uni's but he needs to let you know which ones. Ask him to talk to his tutor and do online research about uni grading/areas/opendays. Give the responsibility for choosing to him.

Your son is not your brother. They are different people.

Op does he even want to go or is he just doing what is expected of him

I think we know you're not really talking about sending a kid to war!

But it's just a stupid and crass phrase on any level. Those boys had no choice and no chance, they were unprepared and slaughtered in droves. They practically were still naive kids, even in those Good Old Days. Nothing aspirational there.

University obviously isn't the same sort of thing, and yes most teens should be up to organising it for themselves. But some won't be ready at the same time as others, and some will leave it later, or not go at all.

Leave it to him, he clearly knows best 😳
You've done your best, over to him.

I wouldn't do it for him. I didn't attend any open days with DD, can't think of of anything more embarrassing than trailing round with mummy and daddy!!!
If he doesn't sort it out, he doesn't go. He'll have to get a job for a year and then apply.

Ffs I'm not really talking about sending him to war, I'm talking about how we keep young men like children and don't expect them to be able to do things for themselves.

Do you have a local uni? Tell him you recommend he goes there and continues to live at home.

That should focus his mind a bit :)

Leave him be, he's got exams to deal with. He can look at university after that.

"boys went to war at your age man up and do it yourself"

What a horrible thing to say.

He's probably got his AS maths and other exams for his BTEC approaching he's enough on his plate at the moment! Leave him be. They've so much to think about this time of year!

Yes don't baby him. It's disempowering

Leave him to it. It's normal to choose a school for a 10 year old. Not normal to choose an 18 year olds uni. If he ends up spending a year working or doing voluntary work because he's disorganised, it will be a huge learning experience

Just let him get on with it. It's like when my son expects me to do something because he says he can't, I tell him " boys went to war at your age man up and do it yourself "

It's his job to choose. If he doesn't he'll have to wait a year and work. Don't baby him, it's doing him no favours.

It is still pretty early. Ds didn't visit until the Autumn open events. There will be more momentum among his year group after this summer's exams.

Its not your job to choose. Leave him to it. Im amussing hes missed the first round of applications anyway?

University is really about self responsibility... or just pick one as far away as possible

Don't fix it for him, he will get around to it (or not, but it's his choice). My brother does an amazing line in deliberate helplessness, and my mother still falls for it. He's nearly 40!

You could research how to defer for a year perhaps? Be prepared with ground rules about how an accidental gap year will be spent? Just in case.

It might also be a huge positive for him to wait a year. I know several people who wanted to go to uni conceptually but weren't quite ready. They went anyway, didn't work hard, and failed. Then went back a number of years later to do it properly.

I feel your pain!

DS same age doing A maths, physics and history.

Says he wants to go to university, hasn't even looked at prospectuses!

Everyone tells me to stand back and he'll step up and sort things, but when! At this rate he will miss out on everything.

I've asked if he wants to apply for provisional licence? Let me know as he can use my card to pay.......three weeks later, nothing!

I was in a car with LPlates first chance I could! He just wants to stay a man-child as long as he can!