DS Not Wanting to go to University

OP, also consider that he likely won't need to commute every day either. I did a double degree and was able to get my classes on two days of the week, so that made the commute etc. far more appealing. I don't think I know anyone who was at uni 5 days a week. Timetabling is generally pretty flexible, and the uni will often be willing to let you change classes if the ones you've been timetabled into don't fit.

Best of luck to your son with his decision. I can completely relate as I couldn't have thought of anything worse than living in dorms and going to uni bar every second night.

My DD had two years after sixth form where she worked, passed her driving test, bought a car before she decided at 19 she would actually like to go to uni and she is now in her first year. She loves it and is out socialising but if she had gone before it would have been a disaster, as like your son, complete homebird and an anxious introvert.

My DS complete opposite, straight to Uni, hardly socialises there as working his socks off and will be doing a Doctorate next year.

Everyone is different and will find their own path.

You should go to the open days though as long as he doesn't feel under pressure as you are right in knowing what his options are.

Good luck.

I have realised recently that off all the people I have worked with, those that are by far and away the best at their jobs did not go to university. One is self taught, he has an HND and loads of experience; one did evening classes whilst working; one stared working for his dad when he was 16. They all have a dimension of understanding that the A levels + degree route goes but give you.

University is such a huge financial commitment now, if he doesn't want to go, then don't make him. The option will still be there, but if he starts a degree he does not really want to go m, the. He'll end up with debt and no useful qualifications (a degree in a subject you hate is not useful).

It largely depends on what he would do at uni, and what his future plans are. With all the associated debt, and the large number of kids going to university, I'm not convinced it's all it's cracked up to be these days.
And I speak as someone who did it twice. The first time many moons ago when we still got grants, and mine didn't really lead anywhere even then. The second time took me straight into a career path and was before the fees sky-rocketed, but 8 years later I'm still paying it off and have a way to go yet.
Unless he is set on a career that needs a degree, I would think that in the current job market, decent A levels and a good apprenticeship is actually a better option than joining the crowds who come out university with degrees and struggle to find their place in the workforce. If he is capable of applying himself and has enough maturity to function in the workplace, I would actually push him more to an apprenticeship. I suspect the solid work and commercial experience would ultimately give him more of an advantage.

Ultimately his choice though I understand why you're worried.

Options are:

Uni near home if there is one in commutable distance, or even one he could come home at weekends?

College near home.

Apprenticeship or job - lots of IT people go straight into work.

Go to uni when he's older, even just a year eg he takes a gap year, gets a job and in that time he may well grow in confidence/maturity. I did uni twice, once as a youngster then again at 31. I enjoyed it more and worked harder the 2nd time!

I've got a dd considering the same kind of options at the moment, it's hard, it's VERY hard biting your tongue.

Ds1 didn't want to go to uni. I dragged him round a few to look at but he really wasnt interested. He got a job instead and is really happy. However I'm not sure if he will ever be able to afford to move out! He seems very settled. He goes and visits friends who have gone off to uni but says he never regrets not going.

DS2 left school last summer. He had a place at uni in September and is really looking forward to it. He is working during his gap year and loving his job, but knows he needs to go to uni to pursue his chosen career (engineering).

University isn't for everyone Ds1 was very clear that he didn't want to rack up £50k of debt doing something he didn't want to do. And if he changes his mind, he can always go to uni later on.

My experience of grammar schools, if the one my DD1 went to is anything to go by, is that they peddle university as the be all and end all, and the only option. Not just to students, but to their parents too if they can get away with it.

It really isn't. Let him explore his other options and when he has finished see what happens.

Is there no university within commuting distance so he could continue to live at home if change is an issue for him? Sounds like he is doing great subjects for university with a good future before him

I didn't socialise outside of class at uni and never once went to a party during the 5 years I was there. So it's not necessarily part and parcel of going to uni.

Is it possible for him to go to a Uni local to where you live? That way he could continue to live at home and wouldn't have to be at uni for any time beyond his classes and lectures.

In year 12 I didn't want to go either, applied anyway so I had options. I ended up going but stayed living at home, I realise now it was the living away that put me off - don't think I did one night out at the uni - I'm not a big drinker/partier never have been. You don't have to live the uni/student lifestyle - is there any local Uni's? I travelled about half an hour by train to get there each day (might be an option if your DS has a change of heart)

Nothing wrong with not going to university, but I do think you are right to encourage him to have a good look at different options so any choices he makes are informed choices, and not 'I'm too nervous to leave home' choices.
That might include attending a local university. It might include looking into higher apprenticeships. that might include taking a year out and maturing / gaining confidence by working and earning even in a job that you might think of as being fairly unskilled.
It's probably worth going to things like 'What Career? Live' and 'The Skills Show' etc to talk to employers about different options as well as going to some open days.

I was expected to go and did.I didn't want to go, and didn't get much out of it except a fair bit of debt.I have a vocational job that I've never used my degree for.
All in all it would have been far better for me personally to go straight to work after a levels (or travelled a bit)...
For some people, especially now when a degree doesn't equal employment in the same way it might once have done, uni just isn't the right choice. There is nothing wrong in that-especially as your DS has another plan in mind.
There's nothing stopping him going to uni when he is a bit older if he wants to then...

Our son decided university wasn't for him and went straight to Sandhurst as an army officer from school.
Whilst most of his friends did go to university, he is better off financially and some are struggling to find graduate jobs.
A couple of others went into retail and are now on management training programmes. University isn't the only way......

DS2 decided not to go to university, and it was something we found very hard to deal with, for all the reasons that you've written.

But ultimately, it's his decision. You can't force them.

We're still in 'this situation', 3 years on - he's working, but in a job that is fairly undemanding. And although it offers promotion prospects, that he could go for, he chooses not to go for them either.