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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Original poster

Daughter starting university

38 replies

macca21 · 14/09/2014 11:59

Hi I'm new to this so not even sure I'm in the right place. My daughter is off to university next week and I am making myself ill with worry about how she will cope. She's very quiet and shy and has not had any experience of clubbing etc and hardly drinks. I know that University isn't all about drinking but I am concerned that she will feel pressured. My main concern at the moment is the welcome party that occurs on the first night she arrives - I'm scared about her going with people she has only just met and then ending up losing them during the evening and being stuck for getting home. I know I'm probably being irrational but I'm even thinking of booking into a hotel that night so that I'm close by in case she needs me. Is there anyone out there who can give me any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
macca21 · 19/09/2014 18:26

Thank you for all the support - it helps although I am still a wreck. I know she's got a sensible head on her shoulders and is unlikely to give in to peer pressure but I still worry.
Just got to get tomorrow out of the way now and then I am sure I will be able to relax a bit more.

OP posts:
Kez100 · 18/09/2014 14:42

My daughter has had a really good first week. Her flatmates are great fun and they already take the mickey out of each other. My daughter has been out to some of the events with them but not all. She has signed up to be a Student Helper on Open Days and is really looking forward to the Ball as there is live music - she loves that and concerts, even though clubbing is not her thing. What is nice is that they have accepted her for who she is and they have not expected them all to be little clones of each other.

Long may it continue - especially when the work kicks in!

Good luck to all those going this weekend.

MehsMum · 18/09/2014 11:01

Oh, Macca, Flowers. How horrible.

My DD who started uni last year is fairly anti-social, quiet, doesn't drink a lot, dislikes crowds (finds them vv tiring). Even she went to the welcome party, has joined various clubs and made some friends.

I think we always hear about the students who drink to excess, not the ones who have the odd pint and then go and swot away. 30 years ago it was all about students doing drugs, and my parents duly panicked, but nobody ever offered me any!

mumeeee · 18/09/2014 10:53

Sorry to hear that Macca21.!My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DD

KatyMac · 18/09/2014 07:37

Macca, I don't know what to say - I am sorry

My Dad is seriously ill just now, so DD & I havehad counselling all summer to help deal with the college transition. I hope you and your DD have had support

Lindor · 17/09/2014 21:48

So sorry to hear that Macca. I'm sure your daughter will be fine. My DS heads off on Friday, and is in halls sharing a flat with 4 girls and 2 boys he's yet to meet (unless you count facebook).

I'm concerned about him: alcohol, getting to lectures, getting work done, eating sensibly. But I'm sure they will all look out for and look after each other. He only turned 18 at the end of May so doesn't have a lot of experience of clubbing etc as places are so hot on ID nowadays. When he does go out, quite often he will just ask for a glass of tap water at the bar as that's what he prefers and it's free!

I'm sure your daughter will find like=minded people and settle in fine. It's a big step for us all x

Original poster
macca21 · 17/09/2014 19:32

Thanks all - I'm still stressing but hopefully she will be able to settle in and all my fears will prove to be unfounded. I didn't mention the full circumstances earlier but my elder daughter was killed in a car accident at the end of May so has been a difficult few months and hence why my thoughts are so irrational - I didn't really worry at all about her when she started Uni so I am trying to accept that she has to give it a go and if it doesn't work out, then so be it...

OP posts:
mumeeee · 15/09/2014 13:46

Hi macca21. I was a bit like you last year when my youngest daughter started uni. She was 21 so a bit older than some students but there were others the same age and older than het starting at the same time. Anyway she is dyspraxic and has other learning difficulties so more like q younger teenaager and she has always had difficulties socialising.? However she settled to uni life made friends with both her flatemates and students on her course. She also joined societies. We had some stresses with her worrying about getting assignments done. But she did it and passed her first year. She went back this weekend. She's back in halls with different people. When we said goodbye to her yesterday she was fully involved in helping freshers move in and she is helping with other freshers stuff during the week, She doesn't drink much and her friends are fine with that. Nor all students will drink loads or pressure others to do the same. By the way there is an empty nest thread over on higher education and you will find lots of supportive parents there.

popcornpaws · 15/09/2014 10:49

My dd moved into a shared flat last week but just stayed a few days to get her stuff organised and pick up her I.D etc from uni as she doesn't actually start until today.
She has met the others that she is sharing with and they seem nice, she went back to the flat yesterday and she is now properly moved in.
She is only 17 so there are a lot of things during freshers week that she won't be able to attend but she doesn't seem bothered by that.
she text me last night to ask why smoke was coming out the oven door when she was cooking her dinner…

KatyMac · 14/09/2014 19:37

DD is cooking her third meal - so I know she will be fed

She doesn't drink at all (yet) so fingers crossed on that one.

It will be fine

Original poster
macca21 · 14/09/2014 17:32

Thanks both - is making me feel a bit better but I know come next weekend I'll be a wreck. Not helped by the fact she has had a mini meltdown and now says she doesn't want to go. I've had to be all positive with her whilst secretly thinking in my head that I don't want her to go either! I'm hoping its last minute nerves and that all will be well next week - its just so hard.

OP posts:
Kez100 · 14/09/2014 14:44

Macca, I am exactly the same as you and my daughter could be described in the same way. Except my daughter went yesterday! I have heard nothing from her directly but I am a friend of hers on twitter and know from things she has posted on there that she was out last night with new friends, that most were drunk and at midnight the flats in their block were all piled into one kitchen. She had had a drink but wasn't drunk and was still really enjoying the experience beyond her comfort zone. Tonight is the party night and she has to be up for 9 tomorrow for her first course meeting!

In the planning before she went I gave her £15 to leave in her bag which was for a taxi should she ever find herself on her own and needing to get home.

I have only texted the once, to say we have found the thing she needs which she left at home and we will send it in the post tomorrow.

I think we have to let them go and suffer our feelings together in your thread here!

KatyMac · 14/09/2014 12:02

Make sure she has her address on a bit of paper & her phone
Set up an account with a taxi company if you are worried & make sure she has the number
DD has an emergency £10 "just in case"

& you brought her up,she is likely to follow your rules/ethos for at least a little while before she goes wild!

My DD is the same she left yesterday & I promise the first night your DD will be fine

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