So dd1 (8) is apparently one of the few children to fail grade 1 piano -(probably due to nerves)-How to deal with this and her future piano playing? aibu to tell her that she passed?

Although you don't receive verbal feedback from the examiner you should, at some point, have a breakdown of marks obtained for each section and the examiner's comments.

Don't lie to her - you will have failed her as a parent by lying.

Oh another thing - I didn't take all the grades either (1,2,4 & 6), I skipped a few because of the exam nerves. Ditto Double bass, I only did Grades 3 and 6 (you start with Grade 3, I think Grade 1 is just being able to stand up with the thing!)

I failed grade 1 piano, aged about 8 or 9. The reason I failed it was partly through nerves and partly through having started practising for it way too far ahead (9m) - by the time the exam came around, I knew the piece off by heart, didn't need to read it - and then because of nerves I forgot it, and because I wasn't reading it I couldn't pick it up from the page and had to start again.

Don't lie to her, it won't help her. She needs to know that she has failed so that she can work on it - I passed Grade 1 the next time around, I had a new teacher and he didn't make me practise for anything like as long.

If you want to increase her oral confidence, I would suggest that you get her some form of karaoke entertainment machine - have family singaloud sessions for fun, take it in turns, build her vocal confidence. My singing confidence was shite until I took a teaching course and I ended up singing with a band!

As a child I loved learning to play the piano and it is a skill that I still love now. I always under performed at exams though due to nerves and being self conscious. I normally just passed but actually failed my grade 8!

I hated doing the exams but it was what all my peers were doing and was kind of just expected. It was good in that it gave me something to work towards.

IMHO, it would be completely wrong to tell her that she has passed when she hasn't. It is v difficult but all of us need to deal with disappointment like this at some point. It would probably be better to explain that you know she was capable of passing and obviously had a bad day and that that is fine and you don't mind. Maybe a conversation around whether she wants to:
a) just learn for fun
b) learn for fun for the next few months before considering working towards another exam
c) retake the exam
d) move on to the next grade
Whatever she chooses, try to keep it fun and obviously support her in getting her confidence to grow. This could be as simple as getting her to play in front of you and then congratulating her when she does well before progressing on to playing in front of friends and family.
If the singing part is a major problem, could you start singing along to stuff on the radio with her?

Sorry, that's ended up being quite long and also not sure how old she is as that may affect what you/she decide to do.

Don't tell her she passed if she didn't. At 8y she will suss you out, especially when she resits it.

However, don't use the word fail either.

Just say that she is marking remarkable progress towads level 1 and just has a few pointers to work on so that next time it is assessment time she should move onto level 2.

Try to avoid making it sound llike some big one of exam and more like a continous asssessment type programme -- hint that she will have such assessments every so often during her piano learning so that she and her teacher know what she needs toconcentrate or focus on next.

Don't lie to children!

It sets a terrible precedent (IMO).

I think it leaves them thinking that to fail at something is so scary that parents have to lie about it.

So one day when she fails something and doesn't tell you? When she loses her job but still carries on going out to work?

I can understand why you want to, but coping with failure is such an important skill to learn, that you'd be doing her a diservice by lying to her.

Isn't it possible pass, even if you do not pass the oral section? AFAIK it is a total number of marks so she will need to ensure that her pieces and scales are tip top.

But actually IMO her teacher - and you and your DH/OH - should be working on building her oral confidence if that's her really weak area to bring her up for the future.

ABRSM has a downloadable PDF to help pupils to prepare for exams.