So dd1 (8) is apparently one of the few children to fail grade 1 piano -(probably due to nerves)-How to deal with this and her future piano playing? aibu to tell her that she passed?

Glad she took it so well. Now the challenge will be keeping her doing the scales when she doesn't have the exam (I know I used any excuse no to practice them, but they really do help).

Fingers crossed for the tap

btw - music exams aren't that important in and of themselves, but they can look good on your CV and they can make it easier to join more advanced groups - the usual trigger to audition for the County Youth Orchestra was passing Grade 5, and if you pass grade 8 with distinction you're invited to audition for the National Youth Orchestra (even on the piano). I'm sure there are ways in without the piece of paper, but I'm guessing the auditions would be a lot more rigorous.

I'm glad she feels happier.

If you think it would be a good thing to try exams later on, could you give her some chances to play publicly first to get over nerves? One of the joys of making music is making it with and for other people so being prepared to perform in front of anybody is an advantage, not just for exams.

Well done Pollyanna. Glad she took it well.

Pollyanna - good to get an update from you. It must have been a difficult conversation but sounds like you dealt with it v well

my dd is in (I think) a very good girls' choir. Her voice isn't anything great I don't think but thankfully she was musical enough to get in and they are getting a great training as far as I can judge.

Big thing is although they do concerts and so have to rehearse a fair bit and perform in a group there is not the same pressure. There is something quite intimidating about singing out loud in front of a stranger, isn't there?

Is there a nice choir your dd could look at joining some time? My dd said the other week that it is funny how an hour goes by so much faster when you sing and it feels like it is gone in a minute. She does seem to enjoy it - also the singing scales and the theory because their choir instructor is just lovely. Maybe once the singing part no longer bothers her, your dd would get a feeling of accomplishment out of those exams?

I just think my dd's teacher can judge whether she is progressing as well as an examiner IYSWIM so I am not at the moment planning on her doing any of those. I think she would just view them as stressful tbh

Ah, thank you.

so glad Pollyanna - much better than lying to her and now she doesn't have to do any more until she thinks she can handle them.

Tinker - you have to sing back things that the teacher plays for you to demonstrate good aural skills, and sing single notes in a 3 note chord so that you demonstrate you can hear them individually. It's to show all round musicality (if that is a real word)

They don't assess your singing per se but they test aural skills by playing a melody and getting you to repeat it or playing a two part harmony and you have to sing the higher or lower part back. Or they play a note and ask you sing a 3rd above.

I'm wondering whether another exam board does things slightly differently, Trinity Guildhall have several options from what I gather including a viva on musical knowledge.

Why do you have to be able to sing for a piano exam?

I have never, ever experienced nerves like those I had when I did my music exams, (piano and violin), so I sympathise with your daughter.

In my last ever piano exam, I was so nervous that I really fluffed up the scales. (And partly because I hadn't really learnt them properly !). The examiner thought she was being kind by giving me another chance, and another one - and each scale I tried just went from bad to worse. I can still remember the humiliation!

Don't lie to your daughter, but I think you should discuss with her why she wants to do the exams. She can learn and progress without having a certificate.

my dd is learning the violin privately but she doesn't do any exams and I never even contemplated it. Are they necessary for something as a stepping stone to something else for example?

I was never coerced into taking exams by my parents, far from it. My teachers liked me to consider taking them, despite nerves, because it gave me some kind of understanding of how far up the ladder I had progressed.
It is, after all, an achievement to be proud of and if your DD, Pollyanna, wants to take them then the best thing you can do is support her in that decision and together work out how best to overcome her nervousness.
(IS her voice a bit bad, btw?)

i completely understand why you are thinking of lying - and would not blame you if you did - but really, if failing is so devastating to her, I would not put her in for any more exams
i do wonder sometimes what music exams are for
you can play and enjoy perfectly well without them - i think they are very stressful for children and more to do with parents showing off than anything that benefits the child

I think you need to see the comments, but if the examiner really hasn't managed to come up with anything constructive for a Grade 1 test that he had to fail I'd be very suprised - to the extent that I'd consider complaining.

Could she take a break from exams, even if she goes back to them (from memory you don't have to do all the grades sequentially - so your DD could maybe skip 2 & 3 and go back again at 4 or 5. It would take a few years for her playing to reach that standard and would give you time to work on the oral side).

How does she feel about choral singing? That could be a way for her to gain confidence in her voice without being forced to do solos (although a co-operative conductor might gradually introduce her to the concept )

One of the ABRSM FAQ's says "My pupil can?t/won?t sing in the singing part of the aural tests. What should I do?" - and the answer is that they can hum or whistle instead. Might your DD be more comfortable with that?

I used to hate performing in public (including exams) - but when I was just starting I used to do lots of Parent/Child duet classes in the local Music Festival. I also played in the local orchestra (I did cello as well as piano) and a local recorder group. I'm still not overly fond of solo performances, but I did make it to Grade 8 on both instruments. I think all the group playing helped to improve my performance skills and confidence without forcing me to go and do solos before I was ready - do you think that kind of thing might help your DD?

ABRSM exams are marked out of 150, of which 18 are for the aural section. In order to pass you need to acheive a total of 100 or more. You don't have a pass/fail mark for each individual section (although you could estimate one by saying 100/150 = 66%, so you need 66% of the marks of any section to "pass"). Each section should have comments with them, along with overall comments, and for Grade 1 I would expect the comments to be very positive regardless of the marks. I'd be inclined to try and focus on the positive comments and play down the actual result as much as possible - unless she's not interested in the result I can't see a way of not telling her she's failed without telling an outright lie.

Tricky to handle though, especially when your DS has exceeded expectations.

I realise my exams were a fearfully long time ago but I know I had a written breakdown of the marks with comments (I got 96, 100 being the pass mark) so that counts as some type of feedback.

If you tell her she so nearly passed in everything, and wasn't that far off in the oral but she needs to do some more work in that area, and you're sure that next time she has to do an exam she will be fine because now she knows what's required of her, it will help to keep her confidence up, rather than deflating her.

I agree that you must not lie to her.

DD failed Grade 5 theory in November. She's 12yo and I had to break the news she'd failed. I didn't do it well (breaking the news) but she had to accept the reality she'd failed by 3 marks and that's not a pass. She's passed lots of practical exams (G3 piano, G3 violin, G4 saxophone) and was expected to do well in theory. She even got full marks in some sections but she didn't pass.

She's just re-taken. Here's hoping.

Your DD's teacher should be able to point out where she did well but if she passed all the other sections by one mark, it sounds like a very close shave.

If she took ABRSM they also have another publication called 'These Music Exams' here that may be useful.