Extra-curricular at weekends - do you keep one day free of activities?

That’s the dream but no - sports rule our household at the minute. You are right about clashes as they get older. My eldest now has a priority sport and a secondary one at which he competes if and when he is available. This is fine, he chose his priority and that is fine with us.

Maybe he can find an equally good squad that doesn't meet on Sundays, and deal with transport to it if it's further away than the current one.

If not he's trying to take a massive opportunity away from your DD in exchange for occasional trips that she may not even want to be on. She'll be a teenager soon and be able to say no thanks to his trips. Which is a lot more likely if she resents them for taking away something that's currently important to her.

It may not even last that long. The next squad may do something different, or she may decided swimming isn't the one for her. What is certain is over the next few years her own agenda will increasingly decide what she does with her weekends, and if he wants a 16 yr old DC still coming on his trips he needs her to think of them as a positive not an annoyance.

No, we did everything we could to accommodate the DCs sports and hobbies, that sometimes meant organising lift-shares or one of us having to juggle if the other was busy but they got so much out of it that it was worthwhile and they have kept on with some of their sports as adults. Some were term time only and we still had plenty of time to visit grandparents etc.

We’ve always had stuff on a weekend. Realistically as children get older they move closer to peers anyway. It is selfish for him to stop her doing an activity she likes if he doesn’t really organise anything other than a quick walk or visit grandma. His position would be stronger if he actually did something. I have friends that genuinely do plan family days out like a beach, theme park day, weekends away.

We only have a Friday night free! But we will miss clubs for weekends away as well as holidays, but beyond that we're out 6 days a week doing something with one child or another

Your daughter is old enough to decide how she wants to prioritise - it’s a natural progression. It’s also very selfish of your husband to stop her from doing a sport she loves, just for the sake of some hypothetical ‘long days out’ that he might or might not be bothered to plan. She will resent him for it and not enjoy their time together. There are plenty of opportunities for them to have long weekend days out in the holidays.

You should support your daughter and not let your husband unilaterally dictate how the whole family should spend their free time!

My DS are now 18 & 22 and we never did anything on weekends, just family stuff chill days walks lazy time. They are ambitious hard working boys but I never wanted to be standing on rugby pitches or driving them to everything all weekend, it hasn’t done them any harm, the found their own hobbies as older teen like building cars and cooking etc. Kids must be exhausted after weeks of school, when do they get time to be bored and use any imagination.

Hi OP,

We have both weekend days free! In the week there are music lessons, swimming lessons, brownies, dance class etc. but the weekends are our own for parties, relaxing, travelling, play dates and days out. It may change at some point, but for now, it really works for us.

We kept weekends planned extracurricular free for as long as possible, DS is now 7 and does have gymnastics at the weekends , as he moved up levels the longer sessions were only available at weekends. However we made sure it was the first class at 9am so by 10:30 he's done. I think it's important to have time to do things as a family go on day trips, visit family etc. There's a local cycling event for families were sometimes go to as a family on Saturdays but it's not monthly fees etc it's just turn up when you get like it. I don't want both weekend days being blocked by regular activities

We have sports commitments on weekends but try and keep some days in the week free of activities. I've never scheduled the whole week.

For weekend commitments sometimes they have to miss them to visit family or go on weekends away or a friends birthday activity.

A compromise would be to keep the tennis but skip it at least once a month plus it will be off for the summer holidays won't it?

we have one ND child so yes we do always try to keep Sunday free - mainly to catch up on school work, gardening. But often it’s not all of us - so we keep it free for that child however my eldest plays county level in her sport so we are often at club/county and school fixtures and tournaments. School is usually Saturday.

I think with swimming knowing what our committed swimming friends do - you’re in for a lot of very early starts (training before school) and various meets around the country plus local comps.

DD does lots of extracurricular activities during the week, but we don’t have any scheduled classes at the weekend as we need a break. DD has dance classes during the week, so there is an occasional weekend gala, rehearsal or fete; likewise she’s in a couple of bands so they have performances… but these are not regular.

We do parkrun and junior parkrun every week… but as these take place across the country we can still do them if we want to go somewhere else, and if we miss one that’s fine.

Personally I'm with your husband... as long as he actually makes that day count.

Personally In an ideal week, I want a whole family day free because we all like to do things that just can't fit into a couple of hours.

E.g. Go hiking in a national park, go spend the day on the beach, go visit another city etc.

That being said, if my son had hobbies/passions that required him to be there on both Saturdays and Sundays, I wouldn't stop him. I'd just fit the other stuff into holidays/bank holidays, and let him get on with it.

So if I were you, I would agree with your husband, but I would say that it is your daughters choice on which clubs she attends, and tell him that you both should respect that.

We only do 1 weekend activity first thing on Saturday morning for both DC. I can see why he prefers not to clock watch and have a routine on Sundays. However it seems like a great opportunity for your DD and you can work plans around this. I have an ideal of long, sunny Sundays at the coast or similar. In reality we will do this a few times over the whole summer, so not that big a deal to have a club, especially if she is open to missing it once or twice if needed. I also quite like going somewhere on Sunday evening, as it makes the weekend feel longer.

Ideally I’d love to have a weekend day free but it hasn’t worked out like this. I think you need to be lead by your DD and what she wants. Ultimately, she’s 11 and will likely start to drop some activities over the next couple of years.

I have three DC. They're all sporty and it would have been very difficult to restrict them so they could never have matches on one of the two weekend days. We never attempted to keep a day free.

I agree with your DH. Ours have swimming lessons Saturday morning and 1 other extra-curricular during the week each. For us as a family of 4 it is really important that Sundays are completely free and flexible. We want one morning we don’t HAVE to be anywhere at any set time. Like your DH, we might want to go further afield, or relax and potter, or spend time with our extended family, which again is a high priority for us.

DD is old enough to have clear preferences and wants to do this. She may drop one or more hobbies at some point. Normal for older DC to want to prioritise things they would like to do over parents’ preferences.

Why isn’t DH doing his share of taking DC to weekend activities? That’s poor, unless he spends lots of time with the DC at other times, and / oe perhaps you don’t do paid work and get leisure time in the week.

Bet he doesn’t already organise and do loads of days out with the DC (not just visiting extended family)

Adding a second competitive sport at an age where training increases ptobably want the wisest move.

Yes, that actually changes things massively. What do her weekdays look like? How much unscheduled time does she have to see friends, hang out, read books, see family?

This puts a different perspective on it for me.

So, to answer your original question, no, we never kept a day activity free per se BUT we did recognise that filling the whole week and weekend with activities wouldn't work for us either. At some point the dc have to recognise there are only so many hours in a day / days in a week, and that there are lots of things that have to be fitted in, other than their activities.

As they get older, and have an interest or skill, that activity often does take up more time - so, for example, competitive swimming (including training) aged 11 is going to take up many sessions across the week against 1 x 30min less when they are 4. So you have to let them come to a decision that it can either be the tennis OR the swimming, or wherever the art fits in. With swimming, it is very unlikely to only be on one day a week by that age, so that might be the one to let go, but perhaps agree to give it until the Summer holidays them make a choice ?