Spring / Summer 2026 music thread

You have my sympathy @amr78 I have an ADHD DC with the mental gymnastics that go with dyspraxia added to the mix. She was the opposite in that all she would do was music practice and not homeowrk/GCSE coursework etc. I think it is worth getting to the bottom of why he wants to do A level music - it might be that it is still a subject he loves, he's just fed up with the demands of practical practice, or it might be that he thinks it will be much easier for him that anything else (which is probably accurate). If the former then it might be worth investigating a music Btech? He might find that the slightly more structured course suits him better than the demands A levels will make on his executive functioning. Does he have a group he could just jam with sometimes - no actual formal playing just some fun?

Sorry to hear things are not going quite well for you and your DS at the moment @amr78 I can totally understand how it feels, even NT boys mature much later, and autism can completely mess up executive function for years when big decisions have to be made. My DS doesn't have ADHD, I can only imagine how hard it may be with combined challenges.

I'd say maybe try and think about longer term perspective, not just immediate concerns of GCSE/A Levels/uni/music. My DS had stellar GCSE, decent A Level results and studied Maths at a Russell Group uni - he still massively struggled to find employment. It's extremely, sometimes unbearably stressful for autistic people to do job interviews, especially if they are prone to "selective" mutism (there is nothing selective about it, of course). So I would shift thinking perspective from "how good his exams can be" to "how to secure housing and basic income stream for him". It may be relevant even for high functioning autistic people as they can go into burnouts from basic social functions required in adult life.

There is a big jump between GCSE and A levels, GCSE were a walk in the park for my DS and he genuinely could not understand what the fuss was about as they were incredibly easy for him. A Levels were a shock to the system as they require different study skills and much better executive functioning, so it's not about the content or workload, rather about planning and organising your studies and following your plans. It's one of the weakest points for many people with ASD. Your DS's refusing to practise may be due to both executive function impairment AND autistic burnout during exam years. I think you might need to decide what to focus on at any given time i.e. if you want exam results, you might need to pause music; if you want professional music, you might need to postpone A Levels.

Personally, I think the professional music path is very tricky so I'd rather put music on hold, but everyone's situation is different. There are exceptionally talented musicians that don't need any exams and there are parents with connections in the industry. I'm merely speaking from an autistic person's perspective - it may be very hard to cope with both exams and high level music practice.

It's a tricky situation for parents too, as DC are considered independent adults by unis and other organisations and they are supposed to figure out everything for themselves. For people with ASD, depending on the diagnostic profile, it may never happen or at least come at a much later point in life than usual. I wouldn't expect them to "understand the consequences", not in teenage years at least.

@StuntNun @DitheringMusicParent thank you for sharing your experiences - much appreciated. It’s really helpful to have an outside perspective. I think at this point I would almost prefer DS to just declare he’s dropping the A-level music so at least everyone knows where they stand. He definitely needs to be given the opportunity to forge his own path without us trying to constantly rescue him - the trouble with doing that with music is that there’s the additional expense of the lessons etc (I’m still paying off the loan on his A clarinet which has barely been used as he dropped out of county youth orchestra). It also feels like such a waste of instrumental teachers’ time if he not prepared to practice.

Academically, things haven’t been plain sailing at GCSE - he ended up dropping 2 to try and lessen the pressure but still struggled to knuckle down to any revision. At this point, not feeling very confident he’ll meet the requirements to stay on at his current sixth form. I do worry about his ability to make it through A-levels as things currently stand. There’s also the question as to whether A levels are even the right option. However, he simply won’t entertain the idea of a plan B. I think the gap year will have to come post A-level if we make it that far.

Important point I missed: I think so many teenage boys are just too immature for the demands of A-levels. An extra year could make a LOT of difference.

@amr78 Sending solidarity. We have all this in our future I have no doubt (AuDHD 9 year old, currently only wants to do music, but will undoubtedly hit burnout at some point before the end of school as demands ramp up). My AuDHD niece has just done similar, now finishing final year of school sans the music scholarship that got her in, and sans cello practice.

I don't suppose a year off could be an option? At 16 he doesn't actually have to be in full time education, does he? No idea if there are any menial jobs he could do along with music practice and general study skills to get him back on track for A-levels. The reason I am thinking this is that my sister and I both went to a school that taught study skills very thoroughly (a Dalton school) and it gave us the structure as undiagnosed AuDHDers with a PDAish streak, to get through school while doing very large amounts of music and doing well in other subjects. Neither of us is a genius and my sister could possibly also have dyslexia and dyscalculia. My sister definitely looked extremely PDAish in the final years of high school. But she got through.

I’m sorry to hear things have become so bad @amr78 I can’t speak to the music side of things but I can say that puberty was a very difficult period for my AuDHD son. He scraped his way through GCSEs and A levels but ditched his trumpet along the way. Once he hit about 20, he recovered a lot mentally and emotionally and was able to buckle down academically again. He hasn’t returned to the trumpet but he would be able to pick it up again in the future if he wanted to. I hope you get some good answers here but please don’t feel that you have to play piggy-in-the-middle to get your son through his musical commitments. Most schools encourage independence and self-reliance in years 12 and 13 and you may just have to let him sort it out for himself.

I’ve not posted for a while, largely because things with DS (16) have been very challenging through Y11 - perhaps this post might be more appropriate for a neurodivergence thread but given the musical slant I’ll start here. DS got gr8 clarinet distinction in Y9 and gr8 jazz sax distinction in Y10. He was also diagnosed with AuDHD in Y10 and has quite a demand avoidant profile. He is medicated for his ADHD but the benefits have been fairly negligible. As the academic demands have ramped up, his music has been the thing that has suffered most. We’ve gone from auditioned ensembles/orchestras to barely being able to fulfil school musical commitments (he’s on a scholarship). In the lead up to GCSEs, he was struggling with emotionally based school avoidance. From March, instrumental lessons had to completely cease (they’d been alternate weeks for 6 months prior to this) and unfortunately, due to sustained lack of practice in the months prior, bridges with his clarinet teacher were burned. DS described it as a ‘pause’ from music but given the attrition that proceeded it in the months prior, I was less than convinced. If he wants to give up music entirely, then of course it would be a tremendous shame, but he wouldn’t be the first child with a talent to walk away from
it. The issue is that he steadfastly maintains he wants to study A-level music despite having played his clarinet for the sum total of around 45 mins since March. He’s not touched the saxophone, despite jazz supposedly being his preferred genre. We’ve told him repeatedly that we don’t expect him to do A-level music (at this point, he has no idea what he wants to do post A-levels) but he’s insistent that he’s doing it. We’ve also offered him the opportunity to go to sixth form elsewhere (he has a place at another school as backup) so he can be free of the scholarship and his identity as a musician but he’s keen to remain where he is. He had his first clarinet lesson with the teacher from his current school on Monday (he’d had lessons outside of school up until March) - stamina/embouchure was unsurprisingly an issue but overall the lesson appeared to go well. When we offered him another lesson over the holidays to try and get him back into it, we got ‘no, I can’t be a*ed’. When DH asked what his feelings were towards music, he replied ‘I don’t enjoy it but I don’t hate it either’. This doesn’t strike me as a great basis/attitude for starting an A-level! The director of music has been very supportive and flexible but in some respects this has been part of the problem as DS has taken everything very literally and the boundaries/expectations have felt like a movable feast. He of course has a vested interest in DS doing music for A-level given he’s a scholar and one of only 3 pupils signed up for the course. I’ve (reluctantly) made peace with the fact I’ll never hear DS play like he used to, if I hear him play again at all. I am obviously heartbroken (I was the one who got him playing on my old clarinet and have championed his musical achievements) but I also don’t have another two years in me of acting as an intermediary over his lack of engagement with practice, flimsy rehearsal attendance etc. I agree that teens need to learn natural consequences but there are emotional and financial considerations attached to this too. I have, for the most part, been the advocator and mediator for DS and it has taken a significant toll alongside challenging professional commitments. Apologies for the long winded post - any thoughts/ideas are greatly welcomed as it’s such a tricky situation. However, I’m realistic that there’s really probably little more I can do. GCSE results day may be a catalyst for change but have largely abandoned all hope 😩

Oh, DD loves london @Ubertomusic - and she is itching for more independence, but she knows it would cost a bomb and not everyone would be together as students because of that so it might be less 'fun' and she might have to live at home from year 2. She sees that her sisters are benefitting from being in relatively low-cost cities as it does make student life much more pleasant. London for Masters (and staying back with us) is her plan after uni if it all works - but that is so so far away that I think she should stop even trying to plan that far ahead! So happy to have her back at the moment but I barely see her because she's always at the Proms.

That's interesting, I thought they would get that "independent living" experience boarding in Y13, but it looks like it's a different feel?

I was hoping DD would return to London for uni or conservatoire but she likes the countryside at the moment and wants to go somewhere with a really ancient look and feel. The school is a bad influence! 😂

@Compsearch you're right it's the 'living in london' that is putting DD off. She loves london but i think it's a very different student experience especially as I'd baulk at student accom when she can get into Waterloo in 15 mins.. Looks great though!

Agree, we felt Bangor was as safe as anywhere possibly could be regarding the 'will this course keep going' question. (But we're not looking now, DC has already completed a year elsewhere)

@CurlyParsleyI’d definitely look at Bangor. I know some people who went there and the outcry if they tried to close music there from the Welsh-speaking community would be so phenomenal, I doubt they’d risk it!

Is King’s on your list @achangeofnameisasgoodasarest? maybe not so appealing for a Londoner but a good friend is on the music faculty and he is an absolutely wonderful musician. There’s the option to have instrumental lessons at RAM, and I’m pretty sure they have a “liberal arts” degree similar to Durham where you can mix and match a bit.

Was there another parent on this thread whose child was doing Rachel Cooper’s string course at Guildhall this week (or maybe their child’s friend? My memory is terrible!). DS did it and really loved it. I was worried he might not have friends as it was quite a big age range (in theory) but there were loads of kids his age and he had the best time. Looks like they’ll run it again in future - I’d highly recommend it as an easy way in to ensemble playing (no audition, non-residential) in a lovely venue (concert was in Milton Court today).

@CurlyParsley we are big fans of a welsh uni - her big sis is at Swansea - maybe we should have a look at Bangor. The 'will this course exist' thing is a real fear, ever since we picked a school with a thriving music dept when she was in year 7 only to have it lose both GCSE and A Level by the time she reached year 10. Probably why I get so stressed about the whole thing!

Just realised that in earlier post it should say Bangor was 'a big hit', not 'bit hit'. Definitely worth considering even if grades suggest somewhere else.

Don't have any personal knowledge of Liverpool, but I know people seem to enjoy studying in the city, and the course has a mix of classical and pop modules. As they have a specific Music and Popular Music course as well as the straight BA one assumes there might be a reasonable number of students attracted by that which may be a benefit, off-putting or neutral depending on your point of view! Newcastle same.
First in our minds as parents was always 'will this course still exist by the time my DC finishes'. It's very hard to know. You do get 'vibes' of course (see Nottingham). And there is some financial info available.

He's frantically doing politics and English essays for teachers to mark to get his predicted grades up to necessary As! And has to do a music essay too, and some reading...

v similar @herbaceous - is he also frantically doing composition, harmony and essays over the summer hols or is he a bit more organised than DD?

@nearlyfinishedmusicparent the history is indeed hard going. So content heavy. DD is getting into the NEA but it is a lot of work. She also has coursework for her other two so it's a lot at once.

Ooh this is all v useful. Thank you! Top three are currently Cambridge, Manchester and Durham, but he has to get the offers and then the grades!

Bristol also a strong contender. Birmingham on list; as is Glasgow. Liverpool too - any thoughts on that one?

York would be fab, but we live here!

Also Southampton - didnt excite here. They are in Clearing now at BCC but last year that was a C's and D's offer by end of the period. Apart from Oxbridge, and even then the odds aren't bad, you know for sure that an offer will come if you meet the published requirements, so you genuinely pick what suits best. Can be hard to work out though! DC 'just knew' which I think is the best answer tbh.

For those looking at unis, don't discount Scottish ones! Glasgow has a good music department, you can do Bmus or MA, including many joint honours combinations. Whilst I don't think you can do a full music degree at St Andrews, they do have a fantastic music centre, with lots of extra curricular music. I think you can maybe do some modules as well. One year they even had a bassoon octet! Aberdeen also has a very active music department. There are also music degrees at Napier and some others. Some of these will have community music. At Queen Margaret you can do music therapy as a post grad. For some courses English students would get into second year with exceptional grades. Bonus of going to an ancient Scottish uni is the undergraduate degree is an MA!

This is helpful thanks @CurlyParsley.

Know lots of happy tonmeisters but DD is not at all that way inclined (sadly!). Birmingham I think we need to see. Leeds I hadn't considered so thanks!

We toured music departments within the last 2 years. Not surprised what has happened at Notts.... RHUL good choice, DC just couldn't see themselves living there, ditto Durham, Bristol unconvincing on commitment to Arts, Birmingham good, Bangor was a bit hit, Surrey course seemed rather a thin add-on to the totemic Tonmeister. Leeds worth looking at. Settled on York.

We have changed teachers a few times across children/ instruments, all fine. For one, the teacher who wasn't continuing even found us the next teacher - it was a no brainer as she was the only other teacher of that instrument in a wide radius and he knew we'd love her. We did. We are still in contact with most of their teachers regularly and one current one has suggested lessons with the two previous ones for audition prep. Hopefully things settle down. Most teachers genuinely want their pupils to thrive, whether with them or their next teacher. Often a teacher knows when it's time to pass them on. We have been so fortunate with the musicians in our life and what they have done for our children.