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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Autumn / Winter 2025 Music

981 replies

northerngoldilocks · 31/08/2025 12:39

Time for a new thread in time for the new school term!

Come and talk about music lessons, choosing instruments, exams, auditions, specialist schools, orchestras or whatever other music activities are going on. Everyone is welcome, from those with total beginners to those whose children are studying music at advanced levels. Ask for advice or share successes or struggles.

OP posts:
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9
Ubertomusic · 09/12/2025 15:37

Where do you plan to apply for a scholarship @musicmumhelp ?

Generally speaking, oboe opens more doors than flute.

musicmumhelp · 09/12/2025 15:19

I’m hoping I can work out how to encourage without nagging. She does really enjoy it. Just very low confidence around other musicians and really stroppy in a teenage way with me about practice.

musicmumhelp · 09/12/2025 15:16

Thanks for replies! You are encouraging me.

if there are lots of 13yo g8 flutists then she’s probably not a candidate for a music scholarship?? My colleague at work has been insisting I being awful for not encouraging her to apply for one.. I feel like a terrible mother

Oboe is has only been doing 2years (and 1 term) she’s playing g4-5 pieces I think she’s doing well. I take your point about the reeds and stamina. She has softer ones or practise and harder ones for performing, she’s been making her own too for a bit of fun.

practice before school is tricky because I have 4 children (3 musical and 1 toddler) to fit it and it’s bedlam in the morning. DD gets the bus to school 7.30 (we are rural). I do have to come up with a different plan for practice though. Some sort of motivator…

Compsearch · 09/12/2025 14:54

@musicmumhelp I really echo what everyone has said - your DD must have serious natural talent to have got so far on so little practice, so if she did a little (/a lot!) more her potential could be huge.

Also totally agree on prioritising oboe practice at this point as it’s probably harder, you’ve said she’s less likely to play it “for fun”, but it could lead to so many great opportunities for her and it is such a beautiful instrument. Totally normal for oboists not to start/get serious until later whereas there are usually plenty of 13yo grade 8 flautists. My 2 professional oboist friends both played string instruments before moving to oboe in secondary school.

If it helps with tiredness I make my 7yo practice before school - we do 30 mins per day and it’s just a non-negotiable thing now - much better than attempting it after a school day (he does still mess around!). He still needs a lot of help and supervision from me but I’m sure your 13 yo could do it independently as long as she had a set plan from her teacher. It won’t feel as long if she has lots of things to work through - 5 mins warm up, 5 mins scales, 5 mins sight reading, 15 mins on pieces/ensemble parts. Good luck!

Ubertomusic · 09/12/2025 11:30

musicmumhelp · 09/12/2025 10:48

It has been more in the past. I used to have a 10 min daily rule but since starting secondary I wanted to let her take the lead. I think I’ll have to go back to having a rule.

ive not found teenage parenting easy generally! She’s so independent! I struggle will the balance. But she does want to go to g8 on both, she’s told me this so I think I’m fair to insist on managing things a bit 😬

Show quote history

It's great your DD is independent, teenagers need to find their feet :)

My DD plays three instruments and we approach practice completely differently on each: one is 100% independent and she takes full responsibility including concert prep, assessments etc, on a more difficult one I supervise technical practice to make sure she does exactly what's needed as she cannot see her bow hold and fingers movements, and for the third one I just remind her about practice time.

In your situation, I'd probably give her independence on the flute but manage oboe a bit. If your DD returns to daily practice on oboe, the flute may actually follow, just out of habit.

13 is a tricky age, they're not mature enough to manage all their studies and hormonal changes do not help either.

musicmumhelp · 09/12/2025 10:48

northerngoldilocks · 09/12/2025 10:16

I think if you agreed a minimum of 10 minutes per instrument per day then it doesn't sound unreasonable. If she really is struggling to fit that in then its probably an indicator to drop one. Last night both of mine only managed piano, as they had after school clubs and then an evening art class, but that's ok, because most days they do both and so missing one day on one instrument isn't a massive issue. Obviously 10 mins is no where near enough, but getting instruments out is half the battle, and once they've done that I find they're more likely to play for longer. Getting her teachers to advise on a structure too might help as if she's just playing through her pieces start to finish a couple of times she possibly thinks 20 mins is plenty but this shouldn't really be what they do each week.

My sense is that flute is easier to have a relatively nice sound on earlier on whereas oboe is more challenging for longer, but is absolutely beautiful once they can play well and as you've seen leads to more opportunities because of scarcity. @horseymum is definitely better placed to talk on this than me, but the comments above re reed hardness etc will make a difference too, friends of mine whose kids have played clarinet in school group lessons were instantly told to swap reed types in private lessons and it made a big difference to the sound quality.

It has been more in the past. I used to have a 10 min daily rule but since starting secondary I wanted to let her take the lead. I think I’ll have to go back to having a rule.

ive not found teenage parenting easy generally! She’s so independent! I struggle will the balance. But she does want to go to g8 on both, she’s told me this so I think I’m fair to insist on managing things a bit 😬

TreeAtMyWindow · 09/12/2025 10:43

@Diddlydays that's quite an achievement! I hope he has a great time. My DD would have gone for that one, too, but she's a month too young, as the cut off is by school year. Maybe next year, if I can face any more anxious waits for audition results!

Original poster
northerngoldilocks · 09/12/2025 10:16

I think if you agreed a minimum of 10 minutes per instrument per day then it doesn't sound unreasonable. If she really is struggling to fit that in then its probably an indicator to drop one. Last night both of mine only managed piano, as they had after school clubs and then an evening art class, but that's ok, because most days they do both and so missing one day on one instrument isn't a massive issue. Obviously 10 mins is no where near enough, but getting instruments out is half the battle, and once they've done that I find they're more likely to play for longer. Getting her teachers to advise on a structure too might help as if she's just playing through her pieces start to finish a couple of times she possibly thinks 20 mins is plenty but this shouldn't really be what they do each week.

My sense is that flute is easier to have a relatively nice sound on earlier on whereas oboe is more challenging for longer, but is absolutely beautiful once they can play well and as you've seen leads to more opportunities because of scarcity. @horseymum is definitely better placed to talk on this than me, but the comments above re reed hardness etc will make a difference too, friends of mine whose kids have played clarinet in school group lessons were instantly told to swap reed types in private lessons and it made a big difference to the sound quality.

OP posts:
Ubertomusic · 09/12/2025 09:59

musicmumhelp · 09/12/2025 09:45

This is a really good point about homework. Thank you. Honestly she’s a great kid, I hardly ever dee her do homework, she does it at school or on the bus, she’s at a v academic grammar (not much music there sadly though) and has no problem with the homework. She’d just prefer to be on her laptop watching Netflix! I think she’s tired but she definitely has the time and energy for more practise at the weekend but doesn’t. Her teacher says it would be nice if she did some more and she’s getting by only with some natural talent at the moment. Gah

i think I’ll ask the teachers to do her a sample practice schedule with actually timing on it. Rather than just a list of activities for her. This might give her something to aim for.

I really don’t want to be a nag. I want her just to enjoy it.

Show quote history

Practice for higher grades is not the most enjoyable thing to do :)

She will really have to practise daily to progress, otherwise even playing pieces will gradually cease to be enjoyable.

musicmumhelp · 09/12/2025 09:50

northerngoldilocks · 09/12/2025 09:34

@musicmumhelp is there any reason why she's learning flute and Oboe - they're a bit of an odd combination as learning both doesn't really open up more opportunities - unlike say strings and woodwind if that led to different ensemble options or piano because its a good base for learning other instruments / useful skill for later possibly etc? Of the two flute is much less likely to give her good opportunities as there are always loads of them everywhere and in my experience they're usually all grade 8+ (or at least every ensemble my DS is in apart from his school one!). Oboes are much more in demand.

I think that honestly the only thing holding her back is not doing more than 20 mins practicing a week, its just not enough to progress and also to build up stamina. Its not being at a state school - whilst its true that independent schools often have much more music provision in terms of orchestras and ensembles and the standard can be higher, they would likely be selective too.

For both my kids my rule is that they have to do pretty much daily practice if they want me to keep paying, otherwise its just a waste of money. I actually only insist on a minimum of 10 mins a day (obviously no where near enough - they're both playing 2 instruments each at gr 8 / 8+ standard, but it gets them started and usually, with the exception of my son's piano, they do much more!

Flute and oboe is purely because that’s what she wants to do. Started with flute loved it and still does. Will pick it up and play for fun. Oboe she had the opportunity for a trial, picked it up really quickly and that’s how she got into the orchestra.

i really thought she’d pick one but she’s adamant she wants to carry on both. No interest in strings. Would like to learn picolo, harp and organ….

i might be being too soft on her. I was hoping she’d find her way. Maybe I need to insist on daily as much as possible.

musicmumhelp · 09/12/2025 09:45

horseymum · 08/12/2025 17:00

I think at 13 they are old enough to decide if they want to get better or not. The oboe sound will develop massively if she's able to improve stamina to play on harder reeds. I think she may find the settings less daunting if she feels better prepared? I had read it as only the singing making her daunted. I always play better myself at orchestra when I have done more practice. Is there something stopping her doing that practice, does she think she won't get her homework done? There are lots of kids who get homework, practice, some sport and some chilling done. Mine sometimes writes a wee schedule on a whiteboard, can help with planning. She'll find a way! Would she prefer to just do lessons on one ( oboe gives more opportunities!) or enjoy them both equally? As long as she is enjoying herself, that's the main thing.

This is a really good point about homework. Thank you. Honestly she’s a great kid, I hardly ever dee her do homework, she does it at school or on the bus, she’s at a v academic grammar (not much music there sadly though) and has no problem with the homework. She’d just prefer to be on her laptop watching Netflix! I think she’s tired but she definitely has the time and energy for more practise at the weekend but doesn’t. Her teacher says it would be nice if she did some more and she’s getting by only with some natural talent at the moment. Gah

i think I’ll ask the teachers to do her a sample practice schedule with actually timing on it. Rather than just a list of activities for her. This might give her something to aim for.

I really don’t want to be a nag. I want her just to enjoy it.

Original poster
northerngoldilocks · 09/12/2025 09:34

@musicmumhelp is there any reason why she's learning flute and Oboe - they're a bit of an odd combination as learning both doesn't really open up more opportunities - unlike say strings and woodwind if that led to different ensemble options or piano because its a good base for learning other instruments / useful skill for later possibly etc? Of the two flute is much less likely to give her good opportunities as there are always loads of them everywhere and in my experience they're usually all grade 8+ (or at least every ensemble my DS is in apart from his school one!). Oboes are much more in demand.

I think that honestly the only thing holding her back is not doing more than 20 mins practicing a week, its just not enough to progress and also to build up stamina. Its not being at a state school - whilst its true that independent schools often have much more music provision in terms of orchestras and ensembles and the standard can be higher, they would likely be selective too.

For both my kids my rule is that they have to do pretty much daily practice if they want me to keep paying, otherwise its just a waste of money. I actually only insist on a minimum of 10 mins a day (obviously no where near enough - they're both playing 2 instruments each at gr 8 / 8+ standard, but it gets them started and usually, with the exception of my son's piano, they do much more!

OP posts:
Diddlydays · 09/12/2025 09:32

@TreeAtMyWindow thank you for asking. So I got the choir mixed up it's the National Youth Choir but the younger age (9-15) . Amazingly my son did get in, which were all really delighted by .he doesn't have singing lessons so we felt really unprepared and it was a bit of a shot in the dark after seeing it on newsround. But I hope that you do hear back. I remember how many times I also refreshed my emails and looked for information online to see if anyone else had heard so I'll have my fingers crossed for you

horseymum · 08/12/2025 17:00

I think at 13 they are old enough to decide if they want to get better or not. The oboe sound will develop massively if she's able to improve stamina to play on harder reeds. I think she may find the settings less daunting if she feels better prepared? I had read it as only the singing making her daunted. I always play better myself at orchestra when I have done more practice. Is there something stopping her doing that practice, does she think she won't get her homework done? There are lots of kids who get homework, practice, some sport and some chilling done. Mine sometimes writes a wee schedule on a whiteboard, can help with planning. She'll find a way! Would she prefer to just do lessons on one ( oboe gives more opportunities!) or enjoy them both equally? As long as she is enjoying herself, that's the main thing.

musicmumhelp · 08/12/2025 16:20

any kind of group setting she finds daunting. Doesn’t help that she’s the only oboe and it’s such a dominant sound! Confused

musicmumhelp · 08/12/2025 16:19

Thank you both. Believe me the lack of practice is a frustration for both me and the teachers involved. No amount of bribery has changed the situation.

StuntNun · 08/12/2025 15:53

musicmumhelp · 08/12/2025 13:29

Hello, I’m the non-musical mum with all the musical children. Perpetually clueless.
i wondered could anyone give me any tips on how to support dd13. She’s playing flute and oboe to grade 5 and wants to take them both to g8. Plays in a county orchestra. Seems to really enjoy and loves her musical friends but will only practice 2x10mins a week. She has 20 min lessons. She’s in a state school - IRL others have told me this is holding her back musically :(
She loves to sing but no lessons yet. The problem is she has no confidence at all in a group setting. Is it just her age?
tia :)

My DS is 13 as well and grade 5 for singing and piano. He has zoom lessons for singing and private lessons for piano. His piano teacher would have strong words if he only practiced for 20 minutes a week! Even 20 minutes a day probably isn't enough at that level. Is there any way to get her to practice longer or more frequently? You need to develop stamina on wind instruments or you won't be able to reach grade 8!

horseymum · 08/12/2025 14:44

@musicmumhelp sounds like your child is doing well. Might she even try a choir if she likes singing , you can maybe find community ones that take teens that wouldn't feel too pressured. If she saw a load of people of all ages having fun singing it might take her worry away?
It's great she's in a county orchestra. I wonder if she might feel she makes quicker progress if she could slot in a couple more practice sessions as the pieces get longer and they need more stamina. Maybe her teachers could help plan what to work on in four 15 minute sessions a week. ( That's only two hours a week total on both instruments so could be achievable) Sometimes kids just don't know how to practice as they haven't been explicitly told, or their needs have changed since they were pre grade one. For mine it would include scales in different ways, ( not all scales every week except shortly before an exam) sometimes long notes with a tuner, a study for technique ( maybe with a metronome) pieces - tricky corners, practicing playing with online accompaniments. Orchestra repertoire, tricky bits, and playing online with an online recording. I think children do short practices sometimes as they don't know how to structure it but she will see a big amount of progress if it can increase not just in volume but focus. Sometimes recording a piece a few weeks apart can help you see the progress too.
20 minutes is short for a lesson but lots of kids here have that. If it works for you and your family, that's fine. If she has a way of increasing it, that would help but obviously not everyone can and she can still make progress. None of us are experts but we can certainly answer some questions! If she has ambitions to get grade 8 before the end of school, she needs to know that most people do significantly more than 20 minutes a week. ( I'm sure some can achieve it on that but very rare!)

TreeAtMyWindow · 08/12/2025 14:43

horseymum · 08/12/2025 11:10

The waiting is the worst isn't it! My youngest is waiting for an audition outcome. They said it's due this week so could be anytime!

It is! I'm usually better at waiting calmly, but they came out of the choir audition chatting as if she's definitely going to the next residential, so she's got her hopes up. It's a lot harder to give upbeat talks about long shots and the utility of audition experience when she's been given the impression that she's in.

musicmumhelp · 08/12/2025 13:29

Hello, I’m the non-musical mum with all the musical children. Perpetually clueless.
i wondered could anyone give me any tips on how to support dd13. She’s playing flute and oboe to grade 5 and wants to take them both to g8. Plays in a county orchestra. Seems to really enjoy and loves her musical friends but will only practice 2x10mins a week. She has 20 min lessons. She’s in a state school - IRL others have told me this is holding her back musically :(
She loves to sing but no lessons yet. The problem is she has no confidence at all in a group setting. Is it just her age?
tia :)

horseymum · 08/12/2025 11:10

The waiting is the worst isn't it! My youngest is waiting for an audition outcome. They said it's due this week so could be anytime!

TreeAtMyWindow · 08/12/2025 10:52

@Diddlydays have you heard from the National Children's Choir yet? Their last email said we'd find out by the end of last week, and I'm starting to wonder if their silence means anything.

DD also had a piano exam last week, so between choir and exam results I'm refreshing my email every few minutes!

GardensBooksTea · 07/12/2025 19:21

Londonmummy66 · 07/12/2025 18:34

There's Rodolphus but he would be at the top end of the youngest age group so it might not be as much of a challenge for him. RSCM Bath course might be a bit of a busman's holiday but it has older teenage boys so shows him that there is life after "the break" and some of the repertoire is challenging - to stop the teens from getting bored. DD was a combination of music and pastoral staff on it one year and said some of the repertoire was quite demanding and there are usually a number of choristers from cathedral choirs and high level parish churches there.

Thank you!

Londonmummy66 · 07/12/2025 18:34

There's Rodolphus but he would be at the top end of the youngest age group so it might not be as much of a challenge for him. RSCM Bath course might be a bit of a busman's holiday but it has older teenage boys so shows him that there is life after "the break" and some of the repertoire is challenging - to stop the teens from getting bored. DD was a combination of music and pastoral staff on it one year and said some of the repertoire was quite demanding and there are usually a number of choristers from cathedral choirs and high level parish churches there.

GardensBooksTea · 07/12/2025 18:04

Wondering if anyone has advice on summer singing / choral courses for a boy who'll be 11 by the summer? He's a cathedral chorister and we're keen to give him as many amazing singing opportunities as possible over the next couple of years before his voice changes. We have advice through school / cathedral of course, but would love any recommendations from parents of young singers - and especially boys. We're too late for National Youth Choir this yr (may have a go at auditioning for their youngest choir next yr if he fancies it), but no objection to other things that need an audition etc.