Autumn / Winter 2025 Music

One step at a time I reckon. You can attend with him now and will be able to for years to come. As that environment becomes more familiar to him, who knows.

If there are opportunities you think would suit him, talk to the youth orchestras etc. Every child is different but these orgs are very keen to be accessible and will try to find ways to make it work.

Also bear in mind community/amateur orchestras as an option. Community would be mixed standard, something he could do now. But at the appropriate stage lots of grade 8+ amateur orchestras are open to kids, DD plays in ours as it's a much higher standard than the local youth orchestra. One orchestra I used to play in had a young member who was blind and severely autistic, attended with a (musical) support worker.

Talk to people, they're very keen to help.

@BurntOutParent Im not sure many 9 year olds have good executive function, especially 9yo boys?! Not minimising your DS’ condition at all but he has lots of maturing to do as well. What an amazing opportunity and responsibility to play with the choir!

DS is singing in the crib service at Southwark on Christmas Eve (he’s a junior probationer) - his first “professional” gig (as he puts it!). We are all really looking forward it.

School christmas is over here, but DD2 has a couple of orchestra courses and the church carol service in which she is apparently playing bassoon, flute AND singing (at different points) - none of it will be rehearsed for her as she's got to come and do it in between an orchestra rehearsal and a performance. She should be fine as it's just carols for choirs but she's a big old worrier at the moment.

Even DD1 is getting in on the act for church with her viola, but realising just how much not having picked it up for a term is impacting her ability to sightread. At least she has rehearsed though.

@BurntOutParent DD2 is at specialist school and reckons pretty much all the musicians are ND. She doesn't have a diagnosis, but the school is still kind with her 'quirks' (bringing your own fork to lunch anyone?), for which we are grateful!

However, I think organ scholars often have to also conduct the choir, which might be a harder thing to do if you don't do that kind of interaction. he's still really young and sounds brilliant - he might completely surprise you with strategies to deal with it all as he gets older. Hope the christmas season goes well.

Based on the organists I’ve met I’d say there are a LOT of ND “Aspie” types there but I do wonder if the extreme ADHDers like DS9 have been screened out by lacking the exec function skills to cope. DS9 is ok for now since people just talk to me and hand his music to me etc, but soon it will be him by himself at youth orchestra or playing the organ without me in tow, and I suspect that will go quite badly, other than the actual playing of music…

Ours are all done. Dd just had her school’s 9 lessons and carols service (very popular and done over two nights) where she sang all kinds of reportoire. My favourite was one called Bethlehem Down which I’d not heard before. She’ll be picking up her choir pay this morning (cash in a brown envelope!).

We have carol singing this weekend - just around local roads to raise money for charity which will be nice.

Next term is looking reasonably clear - a strings competition and the school musical (Legally Blonde).

Merry Christmas everyone!

I love all the concerts in December! We have been fortunate to have choir, wind band, orchestra, school orchestra, three carol services and still have our own church carol service. Hoping to watch a friend conducting a professional orchestra too.
@BurntOutParent your child sounds very accomplished doing all that at 9! Accompanying a choir is very tricky. My youngest has just moved to playing piano at church from doing bass guitar. Her least favourite bit is doing the introduction! I think there are lots of neuro diverse people in the music world ( perhaps even more in the organ world, just a feeling not based on data) I'm sure he will find his niche. Maybe a specialist school or a junior department of a conservatoire might be of interest in the future. Mine have certainly made good friends there as have others on here. I just let them enjoy different opportunities and see where it takes them.

Just found this thread serendipitously.

DS9 is gearing up for his first organ scholar Christmas carol service + midnight service accompanying the church choir out of the green & orange David Willcocks carol books, which is both exciting and terrifying, as he's never accompanied the choir before the last couple of weeks. He has just done Gr 4 organ (got 99%) and Gr 4 cello (95%) as he'd never done exams before and has severe ADHD, and is autistic, so we thought exams might be a total wipeout; but is playing repertoire between Grade 6 and diploma levels.

Does anyone on here have a child who can't function in the real world (eg school), but can very much function musically? Do people like him have any future in music?

I miss them! Mine’s at conservatoire in a different city so I hardly ever get to see him play in real life now. He’s got a gig at the Trafford centre palazzo next Monday so I’m using my last day of annual leave to be roadie and watch him and his mates.

How are all the Christmas concerts and events going for everyone? We have one today and two tomorrow then we're done.

Some ideas for you @musicmumhelp

1. She has to do her music practice first, before homework or chilling.
2. She has to do 10 minutes every day but she can choose flute or oboe or both.
3. Consider getting a couple of instruments stands so she can leave them out when she doesn't need to take them into school. Also have her music stand set up. It's much easier to get them to practice when they don't have to set up. I leave the piano lid open with the music out for one DS, and the tenor horn case open with the music on a stand for another DS to make starting practice really easy for them.
4. Set a date for a performance or for an exam so she has a goal to work towards. My oldest DS would only work hard at trumpet practice when there was an exam around the corner.
5. Get a timer. One of mine has a simple plastic egg timer, the other has a digital timer so he can set different durations.

I have found that bribery doesn't really work so I just compliment them on their playing when they do do it, e.g. "I really enjoyed listening to you play" or "X piece is sounding lovely."

Thank you @MockCroc I like your idea about it working for a bit and that’s a boost. Maybe I need to reframe and not worry too much. It is her hobby after all not mine.

I have become something of a believer that consistency and focus is more important than amount of time practising having watched my kids progress. She is better to do 5 sets of 10 minutes than 2 longer practices and she would be better to focus on a different thing in each one: certain scales one day, warm ups / technical another, then specific tricky parts of her pieces. It never ceases to amaze me how well my children seem to get away with stuff with consistent, but not great amounts of practice. It drives me bananas.

If she is only having 20 minute lessons it may be time is at a premium and she is not getting a lot of support with what / how to practice. I have definitely found that my kids find it harder to knuckle down when they don't know what they are doing. Does she have a notebook for her lessons? It is worth asking her teacher to identify some specific things for her to work on each week: e.g. 2 particular scales, part of a study and then perhaps a couple of tricky sections of one of her pieces. Then she knows what she is doing and there is a bit of variety, instead of just playing pieces through. Mine also often have a practice where they play for pleasure and get out the musicals / movies / Christmas books and I am fine with that if they are playing and enjoying themselves for one of their sessions.

We have tried various things like a practice timetable so they know how to divide up their week and work out in advance what they are going to do each practice, a "totaliser" sheet (if you aren't too young to remember those from Blue Peter) to help my middle one realise how little she was doing each week and other types of charts. None of them work for long but sometimes they are a useful boost. we generally try and listen / support practice whilst doing other stuff around them (they like to practice in the middle of the kitchen which is a mixed blessing).

We also try and get one instrument done before school each - that is with 3 kids with two leaving by 7.20. It is bedlam but it gets one out of the way in the morning.

With scholarships I am no expert because my children are in the state sector. But we did explore them with a couple of schools and we found the music department were very willing to meet the kids, listen to them play and give us a realistic assessment. Their financial value is often very limited though unless you qualify for other bursaries.

Good luck. Enthusiasm goes in phases and if she is enjoying her music overall that is what is important. Give yourself a break on the mothering front. There is no right way to support them and I definitely fall into the camp of: it has to come from them. We come across too many children who have daily hour long practice timers and have to do a certain amount a day and it is all very heavy handed and comes from the parents. That strikes me as un-fun and the opposite of what music should be about.

Absolutely agree with this, 100%

Thank you - this is so heart warming and encouraging

My ds has had phases where he’s practised as little as this, so in addition to his regular ensembles and lessons he might only pick up his instrument at home once a week for 10 minutes. His teacher is used to this and for his grades 6 and 7 she entered him knowing he had loads of work to do over the last 6 weeks. He was motivated by this and played daily, with good results, only to return to old habits once each exam was over! He is quite demand avoidant so pressure from me has always been counter productive, and I’ve only ever been able to quietly facilitate his music.

Having said that he is now doing A level music and is thinking about studying it at uni (not conservatoire, thankfully!) and has suddenly found a rhythm for practice. Being in a great music dept and surrounded by talented, hardworking peers who have practice schedules also helps, there’s often a race to get to college extra early to bag the best practice room for an hour’s playing before classes start at 9! I could not have imagined this even a year ago, so hang on in there, if your dd wants it then she will find her way.

Definitely and DD definitely has an affinity with her music friends she doesn’t have with school friends

That ‘second space’ away from school is very valuable. Saved my teenage years, that’s for sure.

I’m assuming they are looking for distinction level students?

i’m grateful for the opportunities DD gets outside of school. A whole new group of friends and a place away from school academic pressures.

some of these independent schools have amazing facilities though

My DS’s school expects g5 at least for a scholarship at 13+, tho is phasing out financial music scholarships altogether, which is another story.

If she really wants g8 I shall join the chorus saying she won’t get anywhere near with that little practice, if just for stamina. Her teacher really should be pointing this out!

Maybe long-term goals don’t float her boat. Practising hard bits of ensemble pieces, so she feels more confident, could be the way to motivate her, which would increase confidence and be a virtuous circle.

DS’s French horn progress has kind of stalled around g7, as he never practices outside lessons and ensembles.

A boarding school not London.

they did say they have lots of oboes and violas so that makes sense!

Yes, there has been an unusual influx of oboes at auditions recently, people became more aware of its scholarship potential so it's changing the landscape a bit :) If that school has lots of oboes, I'm pretty sure there is no lack of flutes either, have you double checked? "Well known public schools" attract lots of applicants and there are still much more flutes available than oboes.

Having said that, I know of a few "well known" schools that are overwhelmed with string applicants but cannot fill in brass and woodwind seats so it's difficult to comment without knowing the school (I know mostly London ones anyway). I also know of g5 violinists offered scholarships which may sound strange (violins are insanely competitive) but does happen so nothing is impossible if you cast your net wider...

I assume you're going for 6th form and your DD would potentially need to do grade 8 in two years' time for the application? I don't know about woodwind, but in brass for example it would be difficult to achieve without stamina and solid technique. I think on some instruments there is a jump somewhere between grades 5 and 8. DD progressed to roughly grade 5-6 both on string and brass fairly quickly and with not much work, but then had to change her practice completely. She rarely plays through pieces (~"playing for fun") now but works on technically difficult bits mostly, and they are... difficult 😂 There might be something similar in woodwind, I guess.

I think there are lots of musical students at her school but DD says the music teaching there is not very good. She does all hers outside of school.

I won’t name but a well known public school. They have 6(!) oboes in their concert band so I don’t think they are too desperate for another. Also another applicant I know is strings/oboe anyway

its a balance between being realistic with DD and feeling like I’m holding her back

@musicmumhelp - it’s so hard to know how to help them practice. 13 is a tricky age! Dd2 also plays flute and a double Reed instrument. She was not exactly shooting the lights out with doing the practice at 13 either. However she knew I wouldn’t be paying for the lessons if she didn’t practice…

the fact she’s making her own reeds is amazing though!

is it your colleague who is also telling you that state school music is letting her down? It may be of course but I think the inability to do more than ten minutes practice twice a week will be far more of a limiting factor. Particularly if it’s a selective grammar- they usually have some music going on!