Disappointed with dd's dance exam result.

OP, dance brings benefits throughout life: I am not a 'dancer' shape, but did ballet & other styles until the age of 11. I have found that having that brain-body connection (being able to listen to a verbal instruction or video, and mimic that with my own body) has helped me with learning other dance styles, in fitness classes, and when starting martial arts in later life.
I've encouraged my kids to take dance lessons - none of them will be good enough to make it a career, but they enjoy it, have made friends and learned lessons about resilience and perseverance.

Isn't this the case with everything in life? You grow up and realise you're not that great, others are better than you and you either put in the work or give up.

May as well do nothing at all if you can't teach her resilience...or she could have a miserable life of trying and 'failing' as you would have it with a low merit.

I danced from age 2 to 18. I was never particularly good but I enjoyed it. I never got more than a merit and even they were few and far between. Mostly just pass. I knew I wasn’t good. But I enjoyed it and that’s what mattered. The school never made me feel crap about it.
Both my kids now dance. One is excellent. Always gets distinctions. The other is like me. Not great but enjoys it. She gets merits and an occasional pass. They can both keep going until they don’t enjoy it anymore. Neither are going to be professional dancers. None of the kids I danced with became professional dancers either. It’s a hobby. It’s not a career

This.

Dd never did well in Modern exams. She is very slight and the criteria favoured more athletic performances. Longer term she continued Ballet and Tap , with some Contemporary and Jazz along the way. As long as she enjoys it she can attend classes and perhaps not bother with exams.

It's time to sit her down and have a serious conversation about her failures. at 6 years old, she needs to be giving 110%. If she can't knuckle down and improve her dancing and up her jazzy face game, then as a family it's time to go your separate ways. Enough is enough.

That exam mark and those comments do not indicate that a child “really doesn’t have aptitude” for dancing. The comments are fairly average for a child of that age and are things that are easily improved on as they get older and progress through the grades.

If it is a competitive studio where you feel that your daughter will be sidelined in favour of children who are more talented, then you can always go to a different dance school.

That was the case for my daughter; she was treated very badly by the head at one studio because other children were far more talented, and I eventually moved her to a different studio. And the thing is, the two studios are both quite similar in terms of standards achieved, it’s not like the first was amazing and the other is not; but the way they treat the children is worlds apart. I only wish I’d moved my daughter years before I did.

It’s all been an interesting experience for me because I used to dance too, and I thought that it was all about the training, I hadn’t considered that talent really came into it.

Not every dance school has favourites. I run a dance school and we have lots of girls who attend for years, often from age 3 until 18. The vast majority of children we teach aren't going to be professionals. They are just attending because they enjoy dancing. For some of these girls a Merit or even "just" a Pass is an amazing mark because they might not have the sort of feet etc that makes dance easy. But we are just as proud of those students as we are the ones with the "easier" physiques because of the dedication and hard work they've put in. I adore all my students and I'm so proud to watch them grow up into lovely young people. There are some ultra-competitive dance schools out there s stay away from those but please don't stop your daughter dancing if she enjoys it.

Lol. She's 6.5 @User860131 It's years too early to tell if she has any aptitude for dance and years to early to know if she'll care. Right now she wants to do it, let her do it.

It really is OK for kids to try dance/sport/art etc and come to realise that their aptitude has limits and that "talent isn't genius and hard work can't make it so". Most of us learn this lesson at some point whether it's not getting the lead in the play or not making the football team. Your job is not to shield her from it but to help her through it.

So instead you're going to break her heart now and make yourself the evil villain and take away something she loves that makes her happy before you even know if there will be a problem? And the rest of her life she'll blame you for it rather than anything/anyone else?

Are you going to tell her to quit university if it looks like she won't get a first as well? Or to stop writing if it looks like she won't get a New York bestselling author title?

I was a fairly mediocre dancer in the dance world, danced modern, tap and jazz until I was 16. It was GREAT life experience to be on the receiving end of criticism and some very strict, old fashioned dance teachers. I was very academically gifted and quite popular etc. so it was really good for me to discover there were things I wasn’t naturally talented at, and also learn that it’s okay to be only okay at something you love. I think it’s really healthy and as long as your kid is still enjoying it (which I was, despite the tears sometimes after a harsh lesson!) then you should continue.

You're disappointed- she isn't.
She's 6, she's having fun, leave it at that.
If she starts to feel pressure and upset, pull her out, but whilst she's oblivious and enjoying herself, you are making a problem where there isn't one. You're going to project your feelings onto her if you continue, and that's what will knock her confidence.

I see your point. Many dance clubs are focused on performances and competitions, tend to take more and more time in a week and might be confidence shattering for those ones who put too much of their soul into it, but aren't the chosen ones.

You can monitor it for now, see how she thinks about it in the end of the year, and after, and make sure she does more things, so she have a choice when she is a bit older.

If you are worried about impacting exam grades, find a dance school that doesn't do exams. Just do a Google search.

Kindly, few children are good at everything. Many children will pass courses (sports / academics) but not excel. It's still worthwhile doing things particularly if they are having fun!

You have a problem ...it isn't your daughter or her exam mark.

OP. I went dancing when I was little. I was shit at it but I love dancing. I couldn't have given a shit if everyone else was better or not. I just liked dancing. It hasn't dashed my confidence in any way. I still like dancing. It's a hobby. Also, children have got to realise that they can't be brilliant at everything they enjoy doing.

She participated! And passed! She put effort in to it and enjoyed it. Hooray!!!

That’s literally the only thing she needs to know and the only thing you should focus on.

My dd was disappointed by her grade 1 and she had tried so hard, lots of practice but I could see her natural body positioning just wasn't right and she had a long way to go to match the girls who just did the grade with no extra practice and got distinctions. My dd is totally motivated by the flashy badges and certificates so was gutted and it hit her badly that her friends got gold awards and she got a silver. Nothing we said helped. We left it another year but pulled her out and she now does a dance class that has no exams and focuses more on choreography so it's just fun and she loves it and loves the dance for the dance not the competitiveness, which I'm very glad about.

I also saw a nasty ballet culture already permeating the way the girls are asked to prepare, look and behave and found it very disconcerting.

Let her enjoy it. Let her benefit from the exercise and the friendships that may be made or have been made.

You're massively over thinking. My 7 year old has her first ballet exam next month. It's a big dance school with many disciplines and some graduates into professional work.

I don't have any idea if DD is a "favourite". Nor will I give any concern if she gets a low exam mark. She's enjoying it now. I'm not wasting time worrying about what might be.

Any half decent dance school will encourage children, regardless of ability, so long as they are trying and not being disruptive.

Dd did 14 years of ballet and 7 or 8 of modern. She was good, usually got a distinction in her exams but she was far from being the best. The best were selected to join a much more serious youth ballet group at around age 16 so very much a serious school.

There were two girls in her class who never did the exams after the first couple. They were not in any way talented but they loved it. The teachers treated them the exact same as all the others. Dd quit when she went to uni at 10, those two girls had left a year or two earlier when they hit exam years.

Let your dd enjoy it. If she works at it, she will become competent at a minimum. She may stick with it, she may find something else she prefers. My three dc were all doing activities they loved at 6 but had given up by 10 once they found the ones they were more passionate about.

The only thing that is important is that she is getting exercise and enjoying it.
If the dance school is a particularly serious/competitive one that may not suit her, find one that is more relaxed(I have no idea about ballet so dont know what grade one or a low merit means).
None of my children will ever excel at any sport, but I have put considerable effort into finding clubs that can accommodate them/are less competitive. I don't believe there is a strong correlation between how much a child enjoys a sport and how good they are, as long as they are in the right environment.

When she says

"Mummy, I dont enjoy dance as much any more because I'm not that good at it and everyone's better than me"

You say

"No problem darling. We can't all be good at everything. Would you like to stop dance now and do something different?"

Or you get her doing dance AND gym AND soccer AND....now, so dance is only a part of her extra curriculas

My son did ballet and tap from 3-8. He wasn't particularly good but enjoyed it. And I wanted him to do it because as a family none of us are great at sport and dance helps build strength, flexibility, team work and so on. Anyway at 8 it all got a bit more technical and he asked to swap to Saturday theatre school instead. And that's been fine too. I wouldn't over think it.

She's 6.5 and she is happy. Honestly do not be one of those parents.