Disappointed with dd's dance exam result.

Get a grip. My daughter has been dancing for 15 years now, from the age of 3. She will happily tell me she isn't the best in the class; and her exam results have ranged from scraped a pass to very good. One girl in their class is way better than them and they all know it; but they are resilient enough to see this and understand that they can't all be the best.
During this time, she has danced in a West End Theatre, a professional performance, met professional ballet dancers and dance competitions. She's made good friends and it's been great to bring her confidence on; mainly it's taught her how to control her nerves. It's her hobby and exercise.
She merrily tells me she has good strength/ control but is terrible at leaps. She has strong powerful legs and dancing has given her discipline.
So....yes- you do sound awful for saying this. Let her enjoy it.

Dance schools often have a very toxic undercurrent. My son went to one as a three/four year old, where he was openly mocked by the woman who ran it. They made fun of him to other parents. He just wanted to go with his pals, who happened to be girls. Meanwhile, she’d pegged her favourites and ‘stars’, pitted the kids against each other and put them under pressure. At that age… god knows what happened to the older kids.

Some of the seasoned mums were battle worn and said ‘they’re all the same’.

Horrified.

The woman would bemoan the lack of male dancers in the older classes, which was hardly a fucking surprise with her attitude.

DD1 got a merit in her ISTD grade 1 modern when she was 8 (covid set them all back 28 months!).She was only disappointed when she realised others got distinction on certificate day. All I did was to then congratulate her on all her hard work. When it came to her next exam, not only had she started to mature and genuinely realise what she needed to do to improve, but it also gave her the drive to practise every night. Her RAD grade 1 ballet is coming up and I don’t think she’ll get distinction as it doesn’t come as naturally. The only pressure she gets is from herself, all we do is encourage and praise!

ETA - have you also considered that she may have clammed up in the pressure of the exam once in the room compared to practising in the studio with her teacher that may have affected the marks in the areas you mentioned?

Also while some dance schools may have apparent "favourites" most don't, or if they do its not who you might expect.

The older girl who the teachers spoke most fondly of and praised at DDs dance school, was one who was not the most talented, but worked hard and gave a lot back - helped with little ones classes and supported some younger girls in a dance in the show, turned up to everything to cheer others on etc

She was a solid "merit/pass" girl but when she did the huge tap solo at 18 in the show it was genuinely bloody brilliant. She was obviously delighted to be doing it and gave it her all, it was a fab show.

Give your head a wobble.
My 3 daughters learnt instruments, did dance and gymnastics. They did Brownies and Guides.
They grew up happy and well adjusted having had a variety of things to do in their childhoods. They learnt how to make friends, put on shows, practice and work hard. They also realised that they were not going to be ballerinas or gymnasts and that was fine.

Oh don't be so dramatic OP. This is a non problem. Encourage and praise her, and don't overthink the grades. Maybe she won't be the next Margot Fontaine, big deal.

6 is really young for grade 1

A lot of dance is maturity, putting her in for exams young can often mean lower marks. Is she in a class with older girls?

You are projecting a lot op. Praise the merit, its a great result at so young. Don't assume she's going to be so serious about it remotely bothered she isn't "the best", most girls who take dance classes aren't.

You can't protect her from any potential upset or disappointment she may feel in the future. You'd have to basically stop her doing anything!

Right now she's enjoying herself and has done really well passing an exam at such a young age. The best way kids can be protected from feeling crap about this stuff is having a sensible non-pushy parent who's always in their corner cheering them on. As long as you've got that covered she'll be fine.

Sorry OP but you are massively projecting.
Dance is to be enjoyed, celebrated and... oh have I mentioned enjoyed?
I sped through ballet grades as a youngster, got to teens and hated every aspect of my body for a good few years. Learned tap and got my mojo back, returned to ballet from 16-23.
Love dance. It's a fantastic hobby. It's not a fantastic life choice where you are pushed to be the best. Largely this equals body dysmorphia, self-loathing and perfectionism.

When she finally does realise that she isn't really valued in this hobby that she's put hours into it's going to confuse her and break her heart

How can you conclude this from one exam at age 6.5? It’s far too early to tell anything!

She is going to sense what you sense because you are putting the idea in her mind. It is a valuable lesson to teach her that everyone has different strengths and doing things for enjoyment is also fine.

I have a child in upper primary who loves dance, has reasonable aptitude but I am under no illusion that she will fast tracked to a professional performer. She has scored high merits/low distinctions on multiple exams and fits in with the majority of the class, not the select few who are accelerated and I am delighted about it. I don't want her to lose the fun in dance, much happier she progresses slower, makes friends and gets exercise through something she loves. I will keep sending her for as long as she is happy going

For those that are chosen, the competition is fierce and it is a field which is hard to get a high income from. For this reason, I don't believe it is worth pursuing at the expense of all other hobbies

Your daughter doesn't have to be the best thing since sliced bread. She doesn't need you to tell her that she is. We all get some disappointments in life, many of us also get some lucky breaks. You help your DC to cope with both, teach them to do their best and enjoy things they put effort into (whether or not they're great at that activity). You can find a less competitive dance school if you want. You can help your child realise that not being the best at one thing doesn't mean they're rubbish at everything.

Most 6yr old boys think they are amazing at football. By the time they get to age 9 most of them realise they are not going to be the next Ronaldo. It is the way of the world.

But you ARE disappointed with a low merit regardless of the reasons!

If she's happy she passed and as long as she's made friends there then continue. Did you want her to dance professionally?

This is lovely. Put her in this dance school 🙂.

Maybe she isn’t particularly talented at dancing? Or maybe she will improve as she gets older.

I don’t think her confidence is the issue here, I think you are projecting. But if you really think a “serious” dance school won’t be a good fit for her because of favouritism you could move her to more of a triple threat stage school type programme at one of the big franchises.

My sister and I did dancing for years and were definitely not the favourites and definitely not especially good at it. It didn’t affect our confidence at all, although we were both very academic. We actually thought the whole thing was very funny.

I wouldn't assume she'll start taking it more seriously just because she enjoys it and is moderately good at it aged six.
It sounds like YOU want her to start taking it more seriously. I personally don't think six year olds should take anything especially seriously except road and stranger safety!

I would put her into a less 'serious' dance group. I was in one as a child and our main focus was putting on shows. Some of the children did examination for medals but not all, the emphasis was very much on fun. Do dance groups like that still exist?

Also, I wouldn't necessarily assume she will become serious about dance. I mean, she might, but LOTS of little girls go to dance classes but how many of them are still doing it at 16 or even 10?

OP this is the case for all extracurricular activities - dance, sport, music, drama, chess etc. In every class there’ll be some kids who become good and continue it into late teens. There’s a very very remote possibility that someone might make it their career. There’ll be other kids who aren’t very good but enjoy it so keep going. There’ll be others who aren’t very good and get bored and quit. That’s just the chance you take with all hobbies.

You're not meaning too but you are coming across as a pushy parent.

She is 6.

Her score on 1 exam at 6 doesn't define her, any future talent or any confidence she may or may not get or enjoyment.

I danced for 16 years. I never scored above that for modern or ballet. I knew I wouldn't and it's never bothered me as I loved it. And a lot of students scored the same. A few did really well.

I was really good at tap and got distinction equivalent. Same with jazz grades.

We all knew who was the a,asking dancers and some of them did get careers in dance as they wanted. The rest of us all have similar lives and none of it is based in our grades at dance school in the 90's!

What makes you think it’s going to break her heart? She’s only 6 and only just started.

She’ll either love it and stay with dance for years or gradually be interested in other things. Your only job as a parent is to expose her to plenty of different things in the hope that one or two will provide her with fun, enjoyment and a few skills over the course of her childhood.

My DD has done dance, theatre, LAMDA, 2 instruments, gymnastics, riding, swimming and countless sports over the years. Despite enjoying it all at the time, now in her later teens it’s competitive team sports that she has ended up gravitating towards and being passionate about. There was no heartbreak at being mediocre at dance or even at letting go of actings despite having quite a bit of success.

You’re definitely over thinking this.

She's 6 years old, she's enjoying it and the result doesn't matter to her in the slightest.

IF things change in the future, you address it then. She may start to excel at it as she gets older or she may wish to try something else.

Don't make issues for her when there are none. If you do, you will destroy her self confidence, not the dancing.

So put her in a less serious school?

This is projecting fears. My 16 yo dd has danced since she was about 5. She is by no means the best and wasn’t picked for anything special in the recent show dances. She never is. She’s had to pause dancing due to her health atm. However, she has absolutely loved it.

She dances at a very prestigious dance school, which just happens to be local and they’ve turned out a number of west end performers over the years. In her exams, she mostly gets merits with the odd distinction. Some of her friends practice at home and get distinctions. Dd does not. A few of them will go on to become professional.

Dancing at a school for the vast majority of the children isn’t about going on to have a career. It’s about fitness, camaraderie, discipline, learning to work as a team and a whole host of skills.

Why will it necessarily knock her confidence?

I was in a brass orchestra as a kid, throughout primary school and well into secondary. For the first few years I was one of the better ones for my age but as the years progressed I was overtaken by lots of people. I could put the time and effort in but didn't have the natural talent for it that others had.

I knew I was never going to get the solos, or even be in the 1st trumpet group. Occasionally I wished I was better but why did it really matter. I enjoyed playing, I enjoyed hanging out with my mates, and there was other stuff in life I was good at.

Your daughter is 6, and she's enjoying dancing. Why would you take that away from her because of how you think she might feel in years to come?