Disappointed with dd's dance exam result.

How does her age compare to the rest of the kids taking the exam? Is she a little younger? As if so this is probably why her mark is a little lower than some?
Also, which child do you think should have got lower than yours instead? They weren't all going to get the same mark, and I'm sure all worked hard to learn their steps.

Gosh, I would hate to have you as my mother

@User860131

She got a merit!!!!!

Jesus Christ.

Don't spend the money if you're that bothered. Whip her out and teach her that if you're not the best at anything, don't bother.

There's a simple solution to your problem- ask them for feedback

🙄

Kindly OP it really sounds like your expectations were way off kilter.
You talk about her learning her dances to 'near perfection' in your eyes and it sounds like you were quietly expecting an incredible result, probably for her to score the highest mark. Millions of kids round the country enjoy dance and score ordinary marks in their exams, that's the norm? Don't lessen their achievement they will likely still become nice dancers with perseverance and maturity. Its not like hardly any are actually going to pursue it into adulthood so what does it matter anyway?

So much of dance is often some quite particular technique that as parents (not dance teachers!) we sometimes don't spot when our child actually isn't doing it perfectly. Timing, tiny things like exact positioning of their foot, head movements as well as arms and feet.

But honestly it does sound like you need a dose of realism. Over the years your child will be pitted against other kids plenty, for school show parts, in sport, in school tests and exams. Exceptional kids are just that, exceptional. The vast majority of kids are average and there's nothing wrong with that! Averagely talented, averagely sporty, averagely academic. And no doubt lovely kids who will go on to have perfectly nice normal lives!

I think OP you need to think about why you're choosing to think this way, this isn't about your daughter (you've even told us that) it's about you.

Sit with that. What does it bring up?

Be mindful that you don't have to be the best at something to just simply enjoy it, I have an autistic daughter (who happens to love dance is pretty good at it) but some weeks she can't go, she's tired overwhelmed. Other weeks she has the best time. Bizarrely she does exceptionally well at exams (when she wants to do them). You can't control everything.

It's amazing you're giving your daughter this opportunity. Just run with it.

My DD did ballroom and Latin and really enjoyed the dancing and the other kids. When we got to competition my eyes were opened. You only got anywhere if you had the right dress and were with the right dance company. So we went to competitions for a nice day out and to look at the well dressed couples, but it was never something we took seriously.

This is your issue @User860131 - you're the one making this not fun and needlessly dwelling on the result. She doesn't care, she's just having fun. It's all a process of learning and being in the moment, it doesn't need to be leading anywhere. Your attitude to the teachers and dance school, implying that they don't deserve the fees, also sucks and will be picked up by the teachers.

My god, woman, you seriously need to get a grip. She's a six year old doing a fun hobby. Save your stress for her GCSEs, which will actually affect her future.

Jazzy faces?

Do you want her to be a prodigy from day one?

Wtf. She's 6. Get a grip.

Good grief, why the need to optimise hobbies? She's 6. Do the dance until it stops being fun, then stop with the bloody grades and join a more relaxed dance club that's just for fun. Or do a different hobby.

With respect OP, your daughter isn't you. My mum always got so down about other people's expectations and yet I did my own thing as a kid and didn't care whatsoever.

There's no guarantee this will bother her at all. In fact it's encouraging she doesn't care at six, as some kids would already be bothered by not getting the top mark. It seems like she's happy, easy going - as long as you manage your own emotions and don't put your disappointment on her she'll be totally fine.

I don't understand what you're worried about? Are you upset she didn't get a top mark and trying to pretend your emotions are about something more palatable?

This is accurate.

OP your child is more resilient than you think. She might get fed up and a bit disappointed if she doesn’t get the grades she thinks she deserves but she’ll most likely just get bored before this point or just quit doing it. It won’t scar her for life. Just be positive.

so I'll concentrate on letting her know that and hopefully it's enough

It will be for now. She's so young that your opinion is all the really matters now

It won't always be enough and that's how life works

Surely you know this? From your own experience of life?

Surely you know that your daughter won't always believe you and that there will be (many) times in the future in many situations where she'll realise that she's not good enough and not as good as others at some/many things

Surely you know this?

And your job as a parent is to teach her self belief, self worth and an unwavering understanding/knowing that she's powerful and strong and that not being as good as others at certain things, never detracts from who she truly is

You know this, right?

Therefore, with respect, your hand wringing about a grade 1 ballet exam result is the absolute antithesis of what you SHOULD be doing and thinking

Imo

In fact these exams are basically the only objective feedback..
Dance exams are not objective. I danced for over twenty years in a professional troupe (as a hobby), while a pass was mostly objective in that there is an agreed on standard, the higher marks are very subjective.

OP,
you are being too intense. Yes your DD will likely be not the best dancer in her class or school but so what, it’s a hobby she enjoys, she isn’t dreaming of joining the royal ballet.

Your DD is going to face the situation eventually where another child, or children will be better than her at something. Dance, maths, science,….

Your job is to teach her the difference between valued/good enough and the best/star. Getting the grade on the first try is phenomenal. It’s better than ‘good enough’.

A person can have confidence and feel proud even if they are not the #1 or even top 10 in something.

You need to stop pressuring her- because that is where this anxious concern will lead to. Nothing she does will be good enough unless she is the best and you will push her thinking if she’s at the top, she will be safe from disappointment and envy.

She’s put hours into dancing, she enjoys it, she got the grade celebrate and stop nitpicking her. Think of the grades like belts in martial arts, they don’t do merits or whatever, if you pass the exam you’re a red belt….if you don’t pass the exam, no biggie you keep working and you will eventually pass. Some people just have to work harder than others at something. There will be kids who have to work harder than your DD to get to the same grade she is at. That’s life, we all have things that are easy for us and hard for us.

This is what she needs to learn.

That has to be the best description of kids' activities I have ever seen😀

You’re really going way over the top OP. Your daughter isn’t going to be a professional dancer, any more than my DS will be a professional footballer. She’s enjoying it. But if you’re thinking in terms of a return on your investment, then you’re wasting your time. Your DD will dance for some years, she’ll be better than some people but worse than others, she’ll take a few exams, perform in some shows, and then eventually she’ll quit. That’s what kids do.

Have you spoken to the dancer teacher and asked her to explain the lost marks and if the issues can be resolved. Forgive me but I can't make out from your post whether you have done this. You don't have to be a "dance mom" to ask the teacher questions, she should be happy to explain it all to you

Wow.

How little respect can you have for your child...the only person telling her she isn't good enough is you.

As for your later comments about the dance teachers and the school...so them a favour and remove your kid because they do not need parents like you around.

Dance exams are hard, even the best don't always excel. Depending on the dance genre and board there are questions as well as the dance itself. The criteria is hard, not every kid is going to get top marks but a low merit is still a great mark. It is above a simple pass. Which is still good.

It's meant to be fun.
It doesn't matter if she's not amazing at it. It's a hobby. You need to really think about why you're reacting like this. This is not a big deal.

Dance exams are mental, unless the kids wants to be professional dancer or get into a dance school what is the point? Money making exercise. Sorry I don’t have advice but the moment she’s sad about it, try a new hobby.

@User860131 i don’t know if you saw my post but honestly, I’ve been there as the kid in this scenario and I think it’s really good for kids (who enjoy it) to have these experiences. As long as she’s loved and doing well at other things too it’s not going to damage her, it’ll just teach her she can’t always be the best at everything which is good for kids as they grow! I wouldn’t worry so much, the fact that you are shows she’ll be supported.

Op I think you have lost perspective, your Dd is 6 and is enjoying dance and has passed her exam, which is great. That's all that matters, please just let her enjoy it while she is innocent. I did ballet for 12 years as a child, my mother invested a huge amount of money and time into it as it was her dream but not mine. I loved it at first but by 15 I hated it as the pressure was awful, 6 days a week, at the studio for hours, driving all over the place for competitions or performances, my feet are permanently damaged, my self esteem has never recovered and my relationship with food is unhealthy. Dance studios that are competitive can be brutal on young girls