Ballet - any point continuing if DD doesn't practice?

There's also the possibility that she does still really want the dance career, but she's terrified that even if she puts all the work in she won't be good enough/accepted where she wants to go, so as a protective instinct she's not trying her hardest. That way she'll never have to find out if her best isn't good enough.

It's not uncommon. If it is a factor, hopefully she can get some reassurance if you make it clear that YOU won't think she's a failure if her best isn't good enough to get into whatever training/company she has been hoping for.

OP, I think I’ve observed your situation, or something similar. For context, I also have a dd who is 15 and doing Adv1, she doesn’t do comps and does the bare minimum (about 7 hours a week, sometimes less) so she can balance dance with her other commitments. She hasn’t decided between the vocational dance route at 18 or university, and wants to keep her options open for as long as possible.

I’m the only non-dancing mum in the group of parents, all of her peers have mums who used to dance, or at the very least make costumes and chaperone shows, some have even moved house etc for the right training for their dd or to create a studio space like the one you have.

From the outside, it looks like there is huge investment in their dd’s dance careers. I’ve worried I look both mean and unsupportive in contrast! But the flip side is that I’ve seen quite a lot of physical and mental ill health in some of the dancers, and I’ve wondered if perhaps it becomes really hard for them to balance what they want at 15 (rather than 10) with the huge investment in their dancing. I’m sure the parents don’t intend it that way, but if the dd knows that their parents have given up a lot for them, then I can entirely understand how a dd would feel a sense of obligation to at least try for a career in dance, no matter what their parents say. Actions speak louder than words.

It’s hard to know what is right, and I constantly struggle with the balance. But I wonder, as well as an open conversation, whether it’s worth offering your dd a ‘face saving’ way out, maybe that she has to focus on her GCSEs?

How are you and your DD going OP?
I have been thinking about you. I have a same age DD preparing for Adv 1.

We had the crisis situation a year ago - total change in attitude, didn't want to put the hours in, no joy, couldn't articulate what was going on, etc.

In our case (not saying this is the same as yours) it turned out to be a complete panic and internal meltdown, because she felt a massive amount of pressure to do well / get a full time training place / work really hard for a career, because she had a lot of talent and her teachers (and us) had all assumed that's what she wanted.

She actually went into total burnout and couldn't go into the studio for 6 months. Much counselling etc later, we found out that she felt like we (her parents and teachers) would all be really disappointed in her if she didn't WANT to work super hard and have a career - ie we'd think she was a failure - so she just couldn't bring herself to say that she didn't want that, she wanted a more normal teenage life where there was down time and seeing friends and thinking about maybe going to uni. I felt terrible obviously. So much guilt.

Anyway. She's back in the studio now. We've established that she wants to do her Adv 2, but then go to university rather than have a dance career. She's given up solos and most troupe work. She's basically doing the 'minimum' that will give her a good chance of a good result for Adv 2 that she'll feel proud of - which is about 8-9 hours per week instead of 15. So still a lot, but there's a little bit of room to do something that's not dance related occasionally, which has made a big difference for her.

This all might not be relevant to your situation but I really just wanted to say you aren't alone in having a teen suddenly have a massive change in attitude and be confused about it. I hope you guys are all doing ok.

Only 3 solos is not minimal. It might seem like it is if she’s at a comp focused studio but I’d call minimal maybe 1 group dance entered 2-3 times a year.

I agree with taxi maybe cut the comps. Take the pressure off for a bit and let her dance for pleasure but don’t spend what you can’t afford.

If she's 15, is she in Y10 or 11? If she's in Y11, then the time to start applying is not next year, but quite soon. Many of the schools will be opening their applications for 2014 entry in the next few weeks.

Tring's first audition date is in November.

Random question - is her teacher good enough?

When you talk to her perhaps frame it as reassessing her time commitments with GCSEs coming up, dropping competition classes but focusing on technique instead of doing it from a money or "your not pulling your weight" front.

If she's not destined to be a ballerina for a company but still wants to keep dance in her life perhaps she'd like to help out with the younger classes and head down the teaching route.

Perhaps she needs to come out of the competition classes and rehearsals and concentrate on just classes for the time being.

There's no point in her entering festivals or competitions if she's lacklustre, and a lack of success there will only reinforce her lack of confidence.

Do you think perhaps she feels the opposite and actually doesn’t want to do it anymore but can’t actually find the words to say it out loud? She knows how much money and effort has gone into this future career so perhaps she feels too invested to walk away, so insists that it’s what she wants but actually she may be very unhappy? Perhaps rather than giving her an ultimatum, give her the option of telling you she doesn’t want to do it anymore.

Just wondering if she's ok and if someone either in dance or elsewhere has made a comment about her similar to the one above. It could have really just knocked her confidence and rather than underachieving maybe she's really struggling? That alongside physical changes that will inevitably be happening to her as a fifteen year old. Just a thought.

I'll be honest, at 15 unless she's the best of the best she's not going to be a ballerina . Dance on stage eg musical theatre is a possibility, cruise ships all carry dancers for instance. But I think she needs a reality check and perhaps reduce what you are spending.

My DD's a musician and I was spending around £100 a week by that age, not enough practice was going on!I do feel your pain.

You are not really supposed to practice at home other than work on strength and flexibility. My daughter went to full time dance school and dance college and she did have access to dance flooring at home but she never actually practised choreo or even syllabus work really except during lockdown.

15 is pretty young for a non full timer to be doing Advanced 1, is she maybe not ready for it. Is she spending too much times on choreo and comps rather than developing strength and technique. She might be better off doing cross training or weights etc.

My daughter left home at 16 to train professionally, winning a place at an international conservatoire after a gruelling round of auditions. To get her place she had to compete against girls from all over the world as well as the UK. It's really tough and super competitive - definitely not for the faint hearted!

My girl dedicated every moment of her spare time from 11 years old because it was all she ever wanted. So many classes, pre-professional courses and weekend schools. So much expense and travelling! She wasn't the most naturally talented or physically gifted but she worked exceptionally hard and was a fabulous performer.

Even then, chronic injury stopped her in her tracks after 3 year's professional training.

It's very important for parents to be realistic with their children about the chances of success. It's exceptionally hard to make this a career.

There are no guarantees even for the most talented but, without that inbuilt self discipline and work ethic, making it your career would be impossible.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in doing dance as a hobby and enjoying it for fun. Having said that, some dancers do develop later and she might find her inner mojo in a few years time. There are lots of different pathways and some do go into a dance career after University, providing they can access the right training.

Aged 15, you cannot practice ballet at home, other than a few plies, tendus and some balancing exercises. Dullsville. There's no room in a normal house to do anything else. Margot Fonteyn didn't practice at home, it says so in her autobiography.

If you don't mind me asking, what exam syllabus do they do at her school, and what grade is she currently studying?

I did ballet for 16 years. Loved it never wanted a career (luckily as I wasn't good enough) you are right it won't happen if she doesn't do the work. She takes for granted the cost

If she doesn’t care then you have your answer! She can always get a part time job in a year or so to help towards the cost if she feels her life is awful without ballet. Don’t be guilt tripped into anything by a teenager who isn’t doing anything to demonstrate her commitment (I’ve had three 15 year olds, if something is really important to them they’ll do anything for it!)

What does her teacher say? Does she know about the career ambitions?