Theatre mums - coping with rejection??

Also really dislike being the one to bear the news!

I found this really helpful as just been through the exact same thing with my DD. Similar type of production. I am more disappointed than her I think, she is philosophical- at least she says she is but it must be gutting, she did the production (as ensemble) last year and it was such a high. Oh well.

Honestly it can be a bit random. My dd got turned down for a local rare show and then got cast in a touring west end show. It’s about the look, performance on the day, knowing the kids etc. It’s all part of the training imo.

my dd does lots of school shows and in her head that is equally great so if your dd can simply stay busy and work on her grades, gcse shows etc too that’s all good

Perhaps you could also look around at other groups, which might be more inclusive and also put on a production? My kid is 15 and part of two different groups - I would recommend looking at what your local theatre might do in terms of a stage school. Invariably better than the big franchises and a chance to perform in their professional theatre.

I can only echo what others have said on the big castings for tour and WE. I've had my kid get down to the reserve space, out of thousands. Yes that's an amazing achievement! It's still tough when you have to tell them sorry, it's a no... And in reality it's down to simple things - what the director had in his head didn't look like you, it looked like him. They needed someone the right height to act with that kid over there. You look too similar to someone else. Or in our case, they only changed one kid in the cast on that occasion - and they cast someone closer to London than you, so cheaper! In your case it could be anything from favouritism (you'd like to think not but who knows!), the director wanted someone taller/shorter/blonder or they've decided on this other kid for another role so whoever gets this one needs to be taller than them - and so on. It's almost invariably not you... it's about what they decide they want today!

If it's bad news, just remind her that it is only one person's opinion on one day, and they also have to bear in mind that they are casting a production. They will have a stock of costumes to fill and need a certain number of people, and will probably have a specific 'look' or singing voice / dance ability in mind for the main parts. If she doesn't get in, it's because she wasn't right for the role, not because she wasn't good enough.

This is, unfortunately, what performing arts is like.

Does her weekly class continue even if she doesn’t make the show?

If it does that does reduce the likelihood of her getting in but sell it as an opportunity to learn loads before the next round of auditions.

Well done her for getting through it.

its not over til it’s over. If she’s a regular attender I bet she gets an ensemble part.

@CocoPlum there is a lot to be learnt from being ensemble - learning how to blend your voice with others, learning how to act and dance as a group and learning how to be professional. DD spent many productions being ensemble learning the essential skills needed to be a good performer.
As an adult in west end productions often ensemble members who have additional roles such as dance captain or swings earn more than the main roles.

Have always told DD that you learn far more from rejection than you would never being told no. And she has really come into her own the past year, she always has a back up plan so if she doesn't get a part she can still be involved in production, costume design, tech, stage management and is really developing a love and understanding for all things theatre, not just performance which means she never feels left out. In the words of Chilli Heeler "she has a little cry, dusts herself off and gets back up again"

Honestly - learning how to deal with disappointment and facing things head on is one of the best / hardest things my children have had to learn.

My oldest - was not selected more times than they have had hot meals. He is bloody strong and quite cynical for it. He chose to study in a world class conservatoire and knew there was always going to be somebody that was "better".

Agree with a pp - I think it is almost more painful as a parent to feel their disappointment. All you can do is be there. Trying to shield them won't make a jot of difference.

If you are doing this in a serious manner (ie future career in mind not just for a bit of fun for a year or so) then it's really vital to have your friends in the industry.

We were out last night to watch DD's bestie - who she first met in an audition room almost 8 years ago. I can't count how many times they have been in auditions together for the same role... something that is very likely to carry on for many years to come.

Nobody else understands the highs and lows like another child (or parent) in the same industry. Plus your kids are probably training together anyway.

There are so many different factors in who actually gets cast in the role that there is zero point in seeing anyone else there as 'competition' or being secretive or trying to psych people out etc.

I've seen it happen multiple times in the West End where they will see 1,000 girls for a role, get right down to final 4 - then cast nobody and start all over again. Even when you are cast, nothing is definite until you set foot on stage on opening night.

None of DD's world is my cup of tea at all - but I've met some amazing friends along the way.

In that case, she's very likely to be cast in the production, but more likely ensemble and not necessarily in the role she wants. All experiences of auditions and performing can be positive and learned from if taken at face value. Groups like that often have understudies for all the main roles, and/or two different casts.

Does the production contain much in the way of dance? If so, then that will have a bearing on who gets cast for what as well.

So if it is a weekly group, do they meet every week, or is it just for shows and they meet every week for the rehearsals? Is the audition just for the production they are putting on, or is it for joining the group itself? If she's not already a weekly attendee, they are more likely to give main roles to the regulars, I would have thought.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow makes an excellent point I had never seen until I was a parent: the mindset of liking auditions. I was somehow brought up with the idea that because it’s a bit of a competition really, everyone else there is… not your friend. When I was away from it all, I realised this was maybe not so healthy, so I tried not to give that idea to DS and let him make up his own mind.

DS actually loves auditions because ‘everyone there loves the same stuff I do, and chances are they are good at it too’.

I honestly never thought of it that way and I absolutely love it. He’s right. They might all be trying for the same part, but take that away and they are with their people. Everyone in there is not the enemy. They might not be a bestie today but one day they might. The first time he explained it to me, I wished I had that perspective a lifetime ago.

(I also love the not-good-for-the-voice ice cream, as we do the you-might-break-something trampoline park with the same thought process!)

I work in the arts and theatre. Out local art centre runs youth theatre terms with showcases/ shows several times a year. There are no auditions.
The theatre company I work for now is a community led organisation. Participants work with professional artists, directors, etc... to build a project from start to finish. So they would essentially write their own part. Again no auditions.
Would any of these options be available locally to you. They allow a performer to work on their skills without having to deal with the audition/ rejection aspect.

My DD does music auditions, she has learned to see them as experience, meaning you know what to expect the next time. Also understanding that you can be of the standard but not get picked because others had something extra on the day. Hope she enjoys the experience and gets to take part even if not her favourite part.

@CocoPlum You say it is a local group - what sort of group is it? Is it a one-off amateur production in association with a local theatre, or a performing arts group that meets weekly? If it is anything like my local theatre's panto auditions, they will choose the cast based on the quantity and sizes of their stock of costumes.

How tall is she? That often makes a difference and at her age it helps if she can play 'younger' than she is, rather than look like a young adult but not have the experience to hold her own against older teenagers.

Let her go for it, but do explain that they will probably go for experienced performers who they have already worked with, and to treat it as a learning experience so she will know what to expect the next time. That way you aren't building her hopes up, and if she does get a part, even in the ensemble, it will be a bonus.