Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Should I make my young daughter play the violin or let her stop?

37 replies

Yogirl1 · 10/07/2023 09:38

So here is the background. My DD has been to a music lessons since she was 2. She used to just attend a 45 minute lesson group lesson every Saturday but this year she started playing violin. This meant having a separate solo and group lesson as well as choir and musicianship. It wasn’t a huge success as the day became very long (she is only 6).

We agreed she could leave the school as a 4 hour day plus 2 hour round trip - due to traffic not distance - was too long for DH as well as DD and not something we want to do for next 5-10 years! We have found a new Saturday school 20 minutes from home and can do choir and musicianship at 9-11 and then have the rest of the day free. She tried the classes recently and loved them so she is excited to be going next year.

The only time they had for a violin lesson was in the evening which means a 20 minute drive each way to the school, which suits us fine as it saves hanging around at the school on a Saturday (something we did enough of this year!)

Trouble is daughter is saying she doesn’t like the violin and wants to play piano. I’ve agreed to piano lessons (at her primary school) next year but l’ve said she is ‘too good to give up violin’ (which she loves to hear) so she has reluctantly agreed to carry on. Playing does happen at home and she loves nothing more than performing her own tunes while stomping around the room and she will practice for 5-10 minutes at a time, but she gets very angry when gets things wrong and complains non-stop about having to ‘stand up’ or that her ‘arm/fingers hurt’ - and then says she wants to stop playing it. She does make some nice sounds and her intonation is pretty good so I think it would be a shame to stop before we have really started.

So - should I ‘encourage’ her for another year with a new teacher/less stressful timetable? I never played a stringed instrument so I’m not sure how long it takes to start to enjoy it and this year has been painful and not at all enjoyable for her. Or should I listen to her and let her stop and hope she misses it and wants to start playing again (or decides she wants to play something else). Does a nearly 7 year old know her own mind or is she just on a steep leaning curve that ‘practice makes perfect’ and I should carry on with the lessons for another year?

Any advice gratefully appreciated. x

OP posts:
Fishlegs · 10/07/2023 15:15

Both my ds’s started the viola age 6. I wasn’t too bothered about them practicing, think we agreed once a week in addition to their weekly lesson at the beginning. One eventually gave up aged 10 but the younger one really started taking to it around age 9 and it’s leading to some amazing experiences for him as a young teenager. I’d encourage her to persevere, but let her practice as she wishes. Let her teacher know it’s hurting as with mine they were able to advise on improving posture / bow hold which seemed to make it physically easier to play.

TheForgetfulCat · 10/07/2023 15:12

I got one of those old fashioned, no holds barred school reports which said 'ForgetfulCat tries very hard but has absolutely no aptitude for this instrument'. They had a point.

I was not a well co ordinated child and the standing up and wedging a bit of wood under your chin at a weird angle was not in my repertory. Your DD may be the same if she keeps saying it hurts.

If she wanted to consider cello in the future that uses a lot of the string player skills but makes nicer noises to start with and you don't have the whole co ordination issue.

minisnowballs · 10/07/2023 15:01

That's so tricky - and both of mine do Saturday school so I understand the commitment. First thing to say is that she is really young, and that none of the musicianship she's done so far, or the violin playing will be 'lost' if she gives up the violin for a while, or forever. She'll have trained her ear, her fingers and learned to read music and those skills are completely transferable to other instruments.

My younger one hadn't started any instruments at that age. She started cello at eight and flute a year earlier. She's about to give up the cello now, though she's a perfectly respectable grade for her age. However, she's going to music school on a first instrument, a bassoon, that she picked up at the age of 10. It uses the same clefs as the cello and she often plays the same music. None of that cello playing time was lost because she won't play string much in future, but it has been transferred into her new instrument.

Perhaps let her try something else - or get a violin teacher in the week or in school if they have one - so she has more time free. Either way, she's made a brilliant start and is well placed to pick up any instruments she fancies in future. But I totally get why she might want less stressful days at 6!

Original poster
Yogirl1 · 10/07/2023 14:59

TheForgetfulCat · 10/07/2023 14:54

If she wants to learn piano and is generally musical then piano is a great foundation for most things (she will learn to read both clefs for example), and results will be much quicker and more pleasing at her age.

If she continues very keen on music then picking up a stringed instrument or any second instrument when she's a bit older shouldn't be at all difficult.

I was sacked from learning violin at her age in the 80s and went on to learn piano and cello to a very respectable (and more importantly, enjoyable) level.

“Sacked from playing the violin” I love that 😁. I wish she’d chosen the cello… at least then she’d stop moaning about having to stand up!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Yogirl1 · 10/07/2023 14:57

LiloP · 10/07/2023 13:35

My DH is a music teacher and he says violin is better for children to start later. When they start too early their fingers are not ready yet/fully formed and it will take them much longer to learn to play nice music. You can achieve the same progress with a 8 year old in 3 months than a 5 year old in a year or more.

why don’t you let her change for now, she can restart in a year or two.

Thanks for this. Yes I do think we seem to start them early. I don’t mind her going slow as long as she enjoys it, I honestly just can’t work out if she really doesn’t like it or is just a bit lazy and impatient with her progress (she definitely loves praise and finds being corrected hard to swallow!). I guess I was hoping someone would say “my DC was the same and we did X and that was the right thing to do”!

OP posts:
TheForgetfulCat · 10/07/2023 14:54

If she wants to learn piano and is generally musical then piano is a great foundation for most things (she will learn to read both clefs for example), and results will be much quicker and more pleasing at her age.

If she continues very keen on music then picking up a stringed instrument or any second instrument when she's a bit older shouldn't be at all difficult.

I was sacked from learning violin at her age in the 80s and went on to learn piano and cello to a very respectable (and more importantly, enjoyable) level.

Original poster
Yogirl1 · 10/07/2023 14:51

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 10/07/2023 13:25

If she doesn't enjoy it, why not try something different for a while?

My DD started various instruments when she was 6-10, did them for a year or so, then switched to something different.

She's now retaken up a number of them and is learning them seriously and progress is so much faster and more interesting now.

It did seem a bit odd, but unless you try them, you'll never know what is the right one for you, and 5 minutes in a shop or a 'try an instrument' session isn't really enough.

Totally agree… trying out instruments would be best. When I was at school you auditioned for an instrument and if you were lucky you got picked and that was what you played… whether you liked it or not (but then it was free back then).

OP posts:
Original poster
Yogirl1 · 10/07/2023 14:47

BringOnSummerHolidays · 10/07/2023 13:27

That's a lot of music you are making her do. But if she doesn't want to do it, why force her. Music should be something she enjoys doing.

I hear what you are saying but I am not making her do it. She loves choir and musicianship and begged for violin lessons for 2 years. But 4 hours on a Saturday (2 hours of of which were spent waiting around in-between badly timetabled lessons) has rather put her off - she quite rightly wants her Saturday afternoon back for play dates! I just can’t work out if she has had a bad start and having the lesson after school will solve that or if I should just stop… I’m now thinking maybe to stop!

OP posts:
LiloP · 10/07/2023 13:35

My DH is a music teacher and he says violin is better for children to start later. When they start too early their fingers are not ready yet/fully formed and it will take them much longer to learn to play nice music. You can achieve the same progress with a 8 year old in 3 months than a 5 year old in a year or more.

why don’t you let her change for now, she can restart in a year or two.

BringOnSummerHolidays · 10/07/2023 13:31

DC1 learns the violin but didn't start until year 6. She asked for lessons for it and have always enjoyed it even though she's a bit lazy. I have to remind her to practice but she happy does it. DC has played woodwind and brass and violin sounds no worse than the clarinet and better than brass initially.

Piano and guitar are much quicker to sound vaguely musical. I'm not saying they are easier to learn however. I heard many who said it's slower to gain the exam grades on the piano compared to woodwind and brass.

BringOnSummerHolidays · 10/07/2023 13:27

That's a lot of music you are making her do. But if she doesn't want to do it, why force her. Music should be something she enjoys doing.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 10/07/2023 13:25

If she doesn't enjoy it, why not try something different for a while?

My DD started various instruments when she was 6-10, did them for a year or so, then switched to something different.

She's now retaken up a number of them and is learning them seriously and progress is so much faster and more interesting now.

It did seem a bit odd, but unless you try them, you'll never know what is the right one for you, and 5 minutes in a shop or a 'try an instrument' session isn't really enough.