Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

Do we continue with piano or not? In two minds and feeling upset

64 replies

Bubblyb00b · 02/07/2023 10:53

Hi, I really need advice from somebody in the know. I'm feeling a bit stuck with this situation.

My DS10 has been having weekly piano lessons for over two years now. He absolutely loves the lessons, he and his teacher have a lot of fun, improvising and learning to play. He seem to be doing well in the lessons (though he can be distracted and unfocused); his teacher says he has perfect hearing and has talent for improvisation. I also have a drum kit so they sometimes play together. DS can easily knock out a tune with just one finger - he even wrote a song himself. This is the good part.

The bad part is - he refuses to practice on his own, every practice is a struggle, and the progress is incredibly slow. I even had to learn his pieces myself to help him (I have a very limited knowledge of piano, more of this later); but practicing is still a nightmare, tears, bargaining, "I already done it" etc. In over two years, he only got Initial Grade , and even that was with the lowest score possible. I know the other kid who started at the same time is him and she is now getting ready for Grade 2. He on the other hand can barely play, doesn't hold his hands right, slouches, bangs the keys, and generally seems uninterested in being proactive- but says he loves the piano. When I suggest we stop the lessons, he gets very, very upset, starts crying and saying he loves music, loves piano, but hates practicing on his own. And that his teacher is saying he is good, so he must be good. But the reality is - after 2 years or lessons and a huge heap of money we have very little to show for it!!!

I would readily give up and pack this in - but the problem is, I was exactly the same at his age, and my parents stopped my piano when I was around 11. And I regretted it ever since, and blamed them for not forcing me to continue!! I have no idea what to do. I feel sad stopping it, but maybe I should for now and start again if he wants it? Or should I persevere? Or change the teacher, find a more strict one? I want him to be able to play and to make use of his creativity but this situation makes me feel like a failure compared to other mum whos' kid practices every morning before school and even plays in school band.

Any advice would be welcome...

OP posts:
ManyATrueWord · 02/07/2023 12:13

Grade grubbing in music is what puts more children off than anything. My child loves music and is not inspired to take grades. So no grades here. Musicality is growing. Singing ability is growing. Rhythm and pitch are getting better. If she ever wants to take a graded exams she can. Just let the children learn. Intrinsic motivation will come.

RedBonnet · 02/07/2023 11:56

Agree with op who said play tunes he likes. Maybe get sheet music of his favourite bands? Also get him into a routine. 15mins practice before playtime (footie with pals, tv, games whatever). Slowly build up to 45mins even if there's a 10min break in between.

Learning anything is 10% talent 90% practice. It's a discipline like anything else. Practice brings muscle memory. Forget exams for now.

Explain clearly if he doesn't practice the lessons will end. Give him a deadline and stick to your guns.

You could make him pay for his own lessons. He could earn the money by practicing.

Currently going through this with my gd but she's only just started lessons

StephanieSuperpowers · 02/07/2023 11:53

Presumably he has a few weeks off now. You could try downloading an app like simply piano to get him to practise on more modern songs and see if he's more motivated with different materials? If he is, you could chat to his teacher about changing focus from grades to just playing. It might help.

Fairymother · 02/07/2023 11:50

My DD is exactly the same as your DS, except she is 7 and has been playing about a year. So im giving her the baby bonus 😃
She says she would play piano every day if she had lessons every day, but alone (or with me/DH) she doesnt want to practise 🤷🏻‍♀️

We are continuing for now because i hope it gets better as she gets older. But im not sure what I will do if shes the same in a year or 2.

Singleandproud · 02/07/2023 11:48

He is getting other things out of the lessons though, interacting with a different adult etc.

If he doesn't like practising alone have you tried apps like Simply piano to run alongside his lessons, they are fun and build up the skills slowly but with a massive range of music to play from tradional pieces to Disney, musical theatre, pop music etc. You could also learn with him, modelling practising for half an hour a day and build in some friendly competition between the two of you.

Crumbcatcher · 02/07/2023 11:48

I'd do a reward chart for 10 mins practice a day. (Or on the days he doesn't have other activities). I think it's okay for it to be a chore and for him to learn that it's both expected and how to improve.

If his teacher doesn't specify what to practice I'd provide a notebook and ask for a couple of items to be given (scales and a piece?).

StillWantingADog · 02/07/2023 11:36

If he enjoys the lessons I would persevere for now but have a chat with the teacher and ask how (s)he feels he’s progressing.
my son is a similar age and has been learning seriously for about 2 years but on and off for 4-5. We’re now heading towards grade two which feels quite slow to me. I get the difficulty in making them practice. Mine will but has to be persuaded - it’s quite a lot of effort on my part! I think that’s normal. But if he won’t practice at all between lessons then there’s no wonder there’s little progress.

sounds like your ds could be one that progresses by improvising and by ear rather than by learning music the traditional way.

Clarachuff · 02/07/2023 11:35

Truth is..he wont make progress unless he is willing to practice. I would stop paying for lessons...he can play about on his own all he wants.

Original poster
Bubblyb00b · 02/07/2023 11:29

@Thingamebobwotsit this is very sad! My parents were strict but then gave up as I hated practicing so much. I sometimes dream of playing but I have zero time to learn now (single mum working full time), but I keep promising myself I will at some point.

I never push him, and sometimes feel like I maybe should but as you said, I would hate it to become a dreaded chore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubblyb00b · 02/07/2023 11:24

Thanks everyone, I understand that he can enjoy the lessons without doing the grades but I'm more upset at the lack of progress. is this normal? will he get to the point when everyhting "falls into place" and he will start actually playing? This is what bothers me. I worked out I spent about 3k on lessons already and seems like we have nothing to show for it... I'm ok with paying for something my DS will benefit from, but at the moment it kind of seems I'm just throwing money away?

His teacher seems to like him, and he suggested we do "rock school piano" for his next grade, DS loves a bit of Elton John ))

OP posts:
Thingamebobwotsit · 02/07/2023 11:18

If he enjoys the lessons and wants to keep going, I would let him and worry less about the exams and practice. Let him just enjoy music for what it is. My DM pushed me incredibly hard at music and as a consequence I gave up at 18 and with 2 x grade 8's, and several other instruments I picked up for "fun" behind me. Sometimes I wonder if I wasted a talent but the truth is I hate playing now. Love listening to music but any enjoyment I had in actually picking up an instrument was drummed out of me.

DCs now learning but I absolutely refuse to push them. Music is something to be enjoyed, not forced.

tothesea · 02/07/2023 11:10

Does he have to do the grades? Can he not just go to the lessons for pleasure? He sounds creative and like he has a good ear. He might get on better without the pressure of grades. My own DS does the bare minimum practice and needs nagged to do it. But will play about with his own tunes for hours. He has lessons but no grades.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 02/07/2023 11:07

Does he know how to practice - what to do, in what order, how to know if something's okay or needs extra work, what to do about harder bits? Can you practice with him? It worked for me as a kid, and for DS now too.

bilbodog · 02/07/2023 11:00

I would say if he is enjoying the lessons to keep going - if the teacher is ok with this.

I got up to grade 5 when i was 14 but got bored - the music they make you play to pass the grades is so dull - if my teacher had got me playing music that was more interesting to me i might have continued.

I'm playing again now, 50 years later! If his teacher doesnt want to keep him on see if there is anyone out there who could get his interest going with more interesting stuff.

Swipe left for the next trending thread