Do we continue with piano or not? In two minds and feeling upset

Honestly at his age I think he can understand that lessons cost time and money, and if he wants you to spend that time and money he needs to "earn" it by practicing. At present he just likes the idea of being able to play the piano, but he doesn't want to put any actual effort in.

I have similar situation with my dd.
She s musical, loves to play hates to practice
P art of that I feel is lacking conerntrafion and focus.
We have a piano homework note book- teacher puts note in what she has to practice
We have a stat chart for practice (10-15 mins 5 days a week
We also moved the piano into the living area so we are beside her when she practices and until she got the habit of what to do for practice i would sit beside her - firstly for all of the 15 mins but as she got into it I would sit with her for part of it.

The fact is also - sometimes doing the stuff you love - is a chore, practising is a chore, boring etc until you master the skill.
Your ds will learn the reward for putting in some effort.
Scales are boring but knowing scales and reading music helps understand chords etc for later fun music !

Sorry didn’t have time to read the full thread but it sounds like he doesn’t like the music he has to practice (I’m assuming classical) but does he play the piano outside of lessons for fun at all? I wouldn’t be putting pressure on him to pass grades or play music he doesn’t want to.

Myself and my brother started lessons at the same time as children. I took exams and got as far as passing grade three over a few years (hardly ever practiced though, in used to hate practicing!) but he gave up lessons after a few months and decided to do his own thing. Now as adults we both still play but while I need the sheet music and lots of practice in order to play well, he is like a juke box, just tell him a song and he’ll play it by ear.

He might be better off doing the jazz paino syllabus with another exam board rather than ABRSM, with a different teacher. However, no practice at all would lead to me stopping the lessons.

I have a 10 year old who plays piano. I agree with the others find music he enjoys playing and encourage 5 minutes here and there. Having a set time eg before screens after school can work for some dc but I believe it makes it another chore for you both and takes the joy away. We initially got a book with very simple Disney pieces in as dd was into Disney at the time. Even now dd will often stop at the piano and play something she likes for just a couple of minutes and then carry on walking past. If she was near the piano on the way to do something or waiting for something for example I would/will just say “let me hear that xyz piece I like” and I do a little dance along to it (and she calls me embarrassing but laughs along) Do that a couple of times a day. No forced sessions.
Can you sign him up to a practice orchestra? There is a few round here that will take dc from grade 1 ability and they each play bits of a piece or whatever so together it sounds good but isn’t too difficult while they are beginners. My dd goes to play with an orchestra once a week and does a few performances a year and this has really helped her improve and encourages her to practice in the weeks running up to it.

I agree that doing garden kills of the joy of making music for too many dc. It's very sad.

My DC1 has been having lessons for the last five years. Years of arguing about practising, coaxing, threatening I’d stop paying for lessons. THIS YEAR DC1 started practising voluntarily every day. What changed? A new teacher. A teacher who praised. A teacher who had standards. A teacher who inspired confidence in DC1’s ability.

DC2 started lessons two years ago. Just starting on Grade 1. Same teacher as DC1 advised me not to do exams. To play for enjoyment. To move along quickly instead of trying to perfect the same pieces so they’d be exam ready, DC2 practises while waiting to get ready for school in the morning, while waiting for me to make snacks. Only for five minutes at a time but multiple times throughout the day,

Based on my experience, give it longer, don’t worry about exams and allow music to be enjoyed first and foremost.

Thing is, practice is really just playing the piano. So if he doesn’t like playing the piano independently, what’s the point? I’d probably be ok if my dc played between lessons but didn’t want to do grades ( just messed around picking out tunes etc) but if there’s no enthusiasm for playing between lessons at all, then I’m not sure I’d be prepared to keep paying.

We do between 5-15 minutes practise before screens are allowed. Some of this can be improv and composition and some on pieces. Sometimes it's hard to sit them time but then they get engrossed and it goes on a lot longer.

We're slow progresses compared to children that started at the same time but there's no point comparing.

I'd stick with it but don't be afraid to force the issue of practice. The thing with piano is when you're starting a new piece it's like being terrible at something for the first time until it clicks and then it's more fun to practice.

I would always encourage music though so long as it's within budget. Perseverance now gives them a gift and appreciation they can enjoy for life. It's good for brain development too apparently, but can't remember the details of that.

^ This.
Forget the grades and ditch your competitive mum mode. Who cares if other boys are in the school band, are you envious of that?

Focus on your son and his creativity and enjoyment!

It's such a shame when parents turn music into a competition with other parents, it's so unmusical and uncreative.

What?! let him do the lessons for fun, and enjoy them.
Take the pressure off the grades and the practice. He may decide to practice when you don’t force him, he may not but that’s ok. As long as he’s enjoying the lessons.

My dd is a little older and churned her way to grade 5 through very little practice and a lot of stress! We discussed with her teacher and agreed we would stop doing the grades and focus on pieces she enjoys. Some weeks she does nothing, other weeks she spends hours practicing or messing around on the piano. She sometimes accompanies friends who are singing. She also has the opportunity to perform 3 times a year which gives her a focus

maybe move away from the grades - a good teacher will be picking fun songs that will still see progression

It sounds as though your DS is definitely musical but perhaps the piano isn't a good fit for him. At this stage, he may be able to fairly quickly switch to a more sociable instrument that would lend itself to playing in an ensemble so even if the formal practice doesn't happen with great enthusiasm, he will play regularly between lessons. Depending on where you are in the country, a brass band may be able to provide an instrument, regular rehearsals and possibly even starter lessons for very little outlay.

The rock school syllabus sounds like a good recommendation and maybe more enjoyable. I do think piano takes ages to get to a reasonable point. I’m re-learning with my 7yo and we’re looking at g1 pieces at the moment and both finding them a fair step up from the beginner method books. We do tend to practice most days and she’s got into a good routine. I’d rather have 5 minutes from her each day than a longer session once a week. As she’s got a bit better her enjoyment has clearly grown and but I do think you’ve got to put in the work as piano just seems so hard when starting out compared to many other instruments. It feels like the effort to get from beginner to g1 is much greater than g1 to g2.

Hi,
My son is 14 in Oct. He started out with simply piano (at around 8) and I really recommend it. Your son could do it alongside lessons. At the time the app for a year was around £80 and I figured although that is a lot of money it wouldn't pay for many piano lessons. It's great and the kids start playing along with backing tracks so from day 1, even if they only play 2 or 3 notes they can sound really good and be motivated by that. My son even entered a holiday club talent show playing "don't stop me now" on a keyboard with the sheet music scrolling on his ipad on simply piano! I think you can do a free trial or pay for 1 month to see if it's useful.

My son started formal lessons at 10 and was nearly ready for grade 1 with the skills he learned from simply piano when he started and was still enjoying simply piano alongside his lessons.

I agree with the sentiment that gradings are only one part of learning to play and can be the more dry boring part at lower grades so I would say other music is your lifeblood and motivation, and grades and grading pieces simply a way of measuring progress and when older/higher grades proving progress for orchestras/ uni etc.

My main piece of advice above all else (and you may already do it) is have your instrument all set up in the main living area - whether keyboard/electric piano or piano it doesn't matter at this point. Although a keyboard/electric piano allows the volume turning down of course fir unsociable hours or headphones when others are watching something etc.

It needs to be there, in sight where you are hanging out and where your child can feel his playing is heard and appreciated. Music is an enormous part of my child's life now but I honestly feel if his instrument was in his room and I had to send him upstairs saying "go practice" he would never have got off the starting blocks. (I appreciate some children perhaps older may like hanging out alone in their room but not something my son has ever done.) The usual drill when my son was younger was "right your xbox has been on for hours (also on our main tele) switch it off and do some piano". We only ever aimed for 10/20 minutes and I didn't care what he played if he was playing - unless practicing for a grading soon. I'd say he practiced 4 or 5 times a week and that's fine. If we were out for a long day I wouldn't expect a tired child to get in and practice.

I don't think having to remind/nag and the odd threat that "lessons will stop if no practice" when young means your child won't be motivated/talented when older. Like lots of kids nagged to do homework will go on to be academic.

Of course there is the possibility that this won't be the right hobby fir your son but the fact that he enjoys his lessons I would try to see if you can make practice that bit more accessible and enjoyable before throwing in the towel. I feel absolutely privileged to listen to my son practicing/play now on his own or with his bands/friends. Every nag or TV show I had to miss was worth it!

Good luck!

Are there any groups he can join to get more playing time

Leave the exams out of things - it's one way to measure progress but to me music should be enjoyment not another thing you have to measure up to

My DS started a year ago and is working at grade 2, he has a half hour lesson a week. He practises most days with no prompting for at 20 - 30 mins. He plays well with go posture, rhythmn etc

I would not push him, infact when my son didn't practise for a few weeks, I started telling him he needed to ect and it actually made him enjoy it less so I am now keeping out of it.

pieces not songs!
songs are sung, pieces are played.

but anyway while I agree exams /grades aren’t the be all and end all, it makes no difference - if he doesn’t practice, he won’t progress.

The difference in progress between my students that practice and those that ‘don’t have time’ is vast.

Absolutely agree!

Just one lesson a week I would continue if he's keen to do that.

I had issues with a DC not doing any extra work outside of lessons and private lessons (it costs in the hundreds per month). I always offered them the option to scale back the lessons to one or two a week, or drop the hobby if they were no longer finding it enjoyable.

Routine routine routine. 5 minutes practice a day. Nothing more, nothing less - Every day you’re at home. You can increase the amount of time when you think he’s ready. Leave the piano lid up, book on stand open and ready.
Sit with him for the first week or so and praise his work ethic, never mind the actual playing to start with, just the willingness to sit down and have a go.

The difference in progress between my students that practice and those that ‘don’t have time’ is vast.

I never practiced piano and only did grades to grade 1. I just played for pleasure which when you're at school is a really nice hobby imho. Can you find another teacher who just teaches songs and doesn't do grades?