DD wants dance career but not sure she’s good enough!

When I was 10, I got a book free with a tween magazine about careers. One of the pages was ‘supermodel’ (I kid you not), and I was convinced this was the role for me. I vividly remember asking my mum if I’d hit 6ft, because the book said this was ideal!

As an adult, I’m a 5ft 1, slightly chubby data analyst. 😅

Obviously your DD’s dream has a bit more substance but at that age they dream BIG! Let her persue dance, but make it clear she also needs to focus on her GCSEs and college/sixth form. By the time she’s ready to sit her exams, she’ll have matured a few years and may have new, more open minded ideas about her future after that. She’ll also learn a lot about ways to be involved with dance but not necessarily as a performer which could also inspire her.

So I have a slightly different perspective on this. I had a small number of dance classes as a kid, but my mum absolutely hated me dancing. So I never trained or got to really develop my dancing skills. I feel sad about that today - I wish my parents had supported me.

As an adult, I rediscovered dance a few years ago and actually joined a dance company in the city I live in. I also train at another studio in a specific style of dance and have performed on stage through both dance organizations. I’ve also met quite a few dancers who trained as children and had a shot at a professional career in their youth. (None of the dancers, except one I believe, ever danced professionally)

Here are my thoughts. You can do so much with a dance background - set up your own dance company like the one I joined; open a dance studio, run a channel on a social media platform. A dance career doesn’t necessarily have to mean working in a company. Having said that, I never got the support to train properly, and even those that did, didn’t make it. But we all still love performing as adults and all found a way to make that happen.

Just let her follow her interests, support her training, but make sure she stays realistic about it - she should have a “safe” career to focus on too. I doubt I would have made it professionally, but as pp have said, it’s my parents’ lack of support that I remember the most.

I also think that you can gain some really healthy habits from dance - it makes you very disciplined, you have to put in long hours of training, for example - this will help in so many different ways as your child grows and matures. And she can transfer that skill to other things too. So let her pursue it but also ensure she is aware of the many other options and choices that are available to her as well.

Loads of children have unrealistic dreams at thst age. Professional football player, gymnast, dancer, supermodel, the next Oasis, Indiana Jones, or whatever.

IMO, so long as they love the journey, it doesnt cause them harm, (and the fees are affordable!) then there is no need to sit them down and say "its not going to happen because youre not ...the right body shape / clever enough / musical enough / whatever"

Yes it's hard and intense DD is currently rehearsing for her year 1 degree showcase and still doing her training so 8am to 8pm days are the norm at the moment.
But I am a vet at uni we were on 1 in 2 night duties regularly so worked all day 8am to 6pm and then every other night did the 2 hourly checks and medications for a yard of 40 sick horses.
So I think many careers required very intense training.
They need to be your passion for you to do it and succeed.
I love my job and accept that I get bitten and scratched. DD loves what she does and accepts the friction burns on the top her feet from a particular floor slide that she is doing in one number.

When children have dreams which it turns out aren’t going to be realised, it does dawn on them over time. Just keep on supporting her in her dreams. She might make it, she might not, but you won’t have to break the news to her.

IMO (and that of my former pre-professional dancer), it is an off putting environment. But some love it.

Yes, mine had to stop when they developed a severe medical condition. I think she was getting to the stage where she was discovering there was a lot more to the world than dance too though. She was in her pre-professional year.
At her dance school they didn't reaudition each year. They would talk to you if they didn't think you were going to make it and advise you leave though. They were very realistic about the prospects even if you were good enough. A tiny percentage would get a place in a big company, a moderate percentage a smaller company. Others went on to other things. And their body would probably not go much beyond 30. It's a crazy world really.

You can be realistic AND support her. Part of being supportive is making sure she understands what will happen or is in place for her if it doesn’t pan out but supporting her to try her damndest to get what she wants out of life. Helping her choose a backup plan that she’s happy with and making sure she works towards that in tandem is part of that. It would be irresponsible to promise her it will all work out but so is assuming it won’t.

Whether she succeeds or fails is somewhat irrelevant. What she will remember is whether or not you supported her.

I’m not so sure. I get where you’re coming from with your art career - but I know plenty of people on the other side of it who’d say that they wished their parents had given them a firmer steer away from something which turned out to be a poor/badly paid choice in the end. So it’s some and some. That’s why I think the key is to be realistic with kids about their chances of success.

Whether she succeeds or fails is somewhat irrelevant. What she will remember is whether or not you supported her.

My parents didn’t support my goals of going to study art because my dad was in an arts based career - he didn’t do badly at all but he has struggled at times. They pushed me to do history or English at uni which I did (joint hons)… I still resent them for it now. I now work in a creative industry and do freelance artwork.

I can only dream of what I could be doing had a done the courses/gone to the uni I wanted to go to as I have no qualifications to apply for the graphic design roles I’d really love and I’ll never get that chance again - and whilst I have a good relationship with both parents, I resent them a great deal for this.

She might fail, but if you support her no matter what, and let her know that you’ll figure it out even if things don’t work out then you’re doing your job right.

All depends whether you end up paying for mediocre teaching...

As an aside I'd rather send my child to a school owned by a 'mediocre' dancer as I'd expect them to be more understanding and supportive...

Somepne with potential at 11 may not fulfil that potential. A lot can happen to someone between the ages of 11 and 16 that could make a dance career unachievable, or it could also be that some schools have an ethos of auditioning worldwide and bringing in the best students from around the world and chucking out their own students to make room for them. Looking at you RBS.

All the full-time schools that I know of expect their own students to audition alongside all the other candidates for 16+ places. They have to compete against the best in the world. It's not easy.

Not in the school we were associated with. If you got in you had the potential to make it professionally, so it was rare to be excluded for that reason.

I had a similar issue in that DS at that age was convinced he was going to be a professional football player. I tried not to discourage him but emphasised the need to keep options open as football, and I'd imagine dancing is something you can only do at top level for a limited time. That way she can keep dancing, but have a plan B for later on, or if dancing doesn't work out.

It's interesting you say that, because having had a dc who started full-time training at 16 after GCSE's, she and I know a large number of past vocational students. It is more likely that, rather than giving up, a number of ballet students leave training at 16 because they are assessed out of the school (RBS in particular), and their places taken by others coming in.

@Notcool1984 Ah, you're lucky to live locally then.

In my experience many full time elite dance students seemed to drop out around the 16 year old mark. I think at this point they realise there is a whole world out there outside dance that they might be interested in. When you're dancing at the level, there is no time for anything else. Your life is almost entirely dance.

DD is only ten, she could change her mind, just support her with her hobby for now. I know a mum who’s DD wanted a career in dance, she had weekly trips upto London for years, to take her DD to a dance school, for her then to decide she wanted to become a lawyer.

At 10 I had similar concerns for DD (more about her being upset by the reality of not achieving a dream) but fast forward to 14 and I can see that if professional dance is what she wants to do she actually would be able to do it. She doesn’t attend a competitive dance school however and I think that made a huge difference, there was no pressure to be the best.
Let her enjoy the dancing and she’ll know for herself when she’s older if it’s the right direction for her

she's talking about wanting to apply for a local dance high school that a lot the older girls at her dance school go to.

Bit confused by this @Notcool1984 - is this a full-time vocational dance school such as Tring, Hammond or YDA, or is it a local state or private school which has a lot of dance on the curriculum?

And by 10 you do know who is good enough

Not actually true. Both the pro dancers in my family (one a soloist in a ballet company) were "average" at 10. Never placed in competitions, not the "favourite" or "star" of the studio.

Also you don't know how a 10 year old's body will develop.

@Notcool1984 if your family can afford it (time. money, resources) then let your DD do what is needed to have a serious shot at it. At the very least, she'll have spent her teenage years in the company of dedicated young girls, in an environment where hard work & dedication are normal. And she'll learn about music, and art, and the traditions of great art.

Not a bad thing to do, even if it turns into "just a hobby." I spend a bit of time working with adults around movement etc, and the number of women who say to me "I always wanted to dance, but my parents wouldn't help me." Don't be that parent ...

Non-performer from a family of ballet professionals here. At 10, she should just love doing it. What she's doing now sounds great. And if she wants to make a career of it - fantastic!

Really serious pre-professional training starts at around 12 years old in ballet, and a bit later in other forms. Before that - from 8 to 11, children are only starting to learn the basics of turn out and core strength.

At 11 or 12, she'll need to start taking ballet seriously - at least 3 90 minute classes a week (none of this 45 minutes plus a whole lot of acro/doing the splits rubbish), plus Associate schemes to get a change in teaching and to mix with other more serious & talented dance students. Personally, I knew by then that endless pliés & tendus bored me, whereas my sibling (and my mother before her) just loved loved loved it. I kept dancing but did other things as well - nw I love plies and tendus!

Most girls know by about 15 or 16 whether they've got what it takes for the serious study of ballet. Again, other dance forms can start a little later). By that point she and you will know how she's doing, partly by observation, partly by teacher advice, partly by comparison (although don't take the comparisons too seriously).

So some things I'd do now:

• make sure her ballet training is as good as you can find locally. Did her teacher dance or train professionally? I don't count just doing loads of RAD or ISTD exams and then being a "student teacher" at the local school. I mean, did her teacher go to RBS, ENBSchool, Northern, etc etc
• Is she encouraged to try out for local Associates schemes?
• Where do older students of your current school go with their dance?
• Talk to her teacher. At 10, your DD's body is not the body she'll have at 15 or 16, but is there a good basic anatomical facility? What's her turn out like? What are the proportions of leg to torso? And so on.

Of course, there is more to a dance career than ballet. There's commercial dance, there's dance therapy, there are a number of careers which draw on intense and systematic movement training.

I haven't read the full thread (will do so now , but you can find info at a forum called BalletCo, and there's a US based one called Ballet Pursuit. Loads & loads of excellent advice there.

My short advice: lots will change in the next 4 or 5 years but if you want to give your DD the best chance of following her dream ballet training available, and then add in other forms.

Decent ballet training will give her a skill for life. I've been doing class 2 to 3 times weekly for about 50 years. It keeps me sane & strong!

I'm another one whose DD trained full time as a dancer. She is a teacher now and she loves it and happily doesn't see it as "second best" which is just as well as performing work is so hard to come by. It was always very difficult but the combination of Covid and Brexit has made the world a very, very tough place for British dancers.
It is a brutal path. When they are young you spend all your time worrying if they will get into Associate schemes and Youth companies, then it's the huge competition for full time training places. And they get one and you breathe a sigh of relief. They've made it. But they haven't. It's just beginning. They need to keep that place and plenty don't. Constant assessments. The constant pressure to stay thin. Then they graduate and you breathe a sigh of relief. They've made it. But they haven't. That was the easy bit. Now to find a job. Only a tiny percentage of would be dancers actually have meaningful performing careers. It's a bit less bad if you also sing and act, but for pure dancers, especially classical dancers there are so few opportunities and so many talented people.
I don't think it is pointless to undertake serious dance training as there are many transferable skills, but be realistic. There are late bloomers it is true, but they are few and far between, and even the girls who seem to have it all probably won't "make it" as professionals. And whatever you do, don't let her believe the Disneyesque mantra of "You can be anything you want if you work hard enough". Because you can't. Not only does that message lead to severe disappointment for many but it also dents self esteem and leads to kids blaming themselves. I didn't make it. It must be because I didn't work hard enough or want it badly enough. That's very, very rarely the case, but a lot of "failed" dancers blame themselves because it is what so many well meaning but misguided people told them when they were growing up.