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Extra-curricular activities

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Original poster

DS resisting trumpet practice

56 replies

MumwithAspieTraits · 16/06/2022 13:17

DS is in Year 10 and his teacher is working towards Grade 8. He got a distinction in Grade 6 in late 2020.

His practice has fallen off a lot and I feel partially responsible as he says he is too tired and I say "Aww poor you". I worry that he has pulled the wool over my eyes. Neither of us is musical so it is hard to know the right amount.

DS can be very lippy and has an answer for everything. He says it is too much hard work. He gave me a lot of opinion about how rock music is better than classical music. After a few honest chats with his teacher he is aware he might lose his place as 1st trumpet in the school's premier ensemble. Last year he was in the school pit band playing the West End score for a famous musical so he has let things slide a lot. He used to be the school's star trumpet player.

We are encouraging him to practice at home again - 20 mins to start with then building his stamina up. We put Classic FM on in the car in the school run. What he listens to the rest of the time is up to him.

DS's teacher feels he has the talent to get into a music conservatoire. The first step would be an audition for junior college but we have been advised this is not on the cards for at least a year - even a visit to an open day to look around is fraught with him being "found out" as he would be asked to join in with rehearsals.

Is this normal behaviour for a 15 year old? Will he become more motivated again? Do we continue to motivate him and he will thank us for it later? Anyone else been through this and out the other side?

OP posts:
Honaloulou · 16/06/2022 13:30

Ha snap @DCINightingale . We need a survivors of pushy parents support group.

DCINightingale · 16/06/2022 13:28

At that age I was my school's star cornet player, I achieved grade 8. I was in brass bands out of school. My DM insisted. Every weekend was a concert,
and then twice weekly practice, even through GCSEs, summer holidays, christmas, A Levels. My friends went to parties and gatherings when I was stuck going to rehearsals I didnt want to go to. We had brass band music on in the car. When I turned 18 I went to university and dropped it. Never picked it up since. I resent how pushy my mum was, it made me never want to play the cornet again.

Listen to your son. Is there music he would be interested in playing? Sounds like he likes rock music, can you help him find some sheet music for that if he is interested in doing so. This is his talent to do with as he wishes.

Honaloulou · 16/06/2022 13:28

Does he want to go to a conservatoire? That seems a big step for someone who isn’t really practicing.

my angle on this is that my parents really pushed me on my instrument, even when it bored the socks off me.

I suspect I would have been a good social player had they let me dial it down, and enjoyed it into adult hood.

As it is, I stopped completely as soon as I could, and slightly shudder at the thought of it.

Anothernamechangeplease · 16/06/2022 13:25

What's the point if he doesn't enjoy it?

Not trying to be arsey at all, I just don't see much intrinsic value in it if he doesn't love it enough to do the practice anyway. He might have the talent to get into a conservatoire, but if he doesn't have any passion for it, wouldn't he be better off doing something else instead?

sotired2 · 16/06/2022 13:25

I think at 15 they are starting to find the real them and the more, as a parent especially, you try to push them they are more likely to rebel and completely go the other way. Gentle encouragement and non parent chats often help. I know you really want him to reach is full potential in the trumpet and not have regrets later in life but if he did give it up would it be the end of the world? Could he play music on the trumpet more inline with his tastes in music (Nothing wrong with classical music but if its not your thing which at 15 it probably isn't having it pushed on you in the car etc is not the way to get you to enjoy it.

AmbushedByCake · 16/06/2022 13:20

Maybe he just doesn't want to play any more. Would that be so bad? Time for a chat, lay it on the line. He practises or you stop paying for lessons and it's over. Maybe he would like to learn guitar or something for a change. Something where there isn't the pressure on him to excel at a thing he has no passion for.

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