Coach is a bully

We had this problem with the head coach at our club and my daughter has just recently left, which is their loss.

I agree with the PP who compared swimming with gymnastics - we need to vote with our feet as parents and make this style of coaching history. Child welfare must be at the heart of all swimming - even for the elite kids. Just because they have talent and ambition doesn't give adults a right to abuse them in the name of realising their potential.

We got a place in another club as a senior swimmer which we are so please about no more 5am rise for my son he said he can notice it at school already he isn’t falling asleep nearly during class which is great. On our visit I could tell they had a great way with the children as in talking to them the coach got down on her knee to explain not what we are used to our old coach would roar across the pool putting the child in the lime light as everyone thought he was shouting at them and stopped to look how embarrassing for any young child so degrading and not what I want for my son

Late arriving to this thread, but what people are describing is NOT okay. These are children being bullied and it needs to be brought to the attention of the club welfare/safeguarding officers.

Putting it bluntly, very few club swimmers are going to be National Swimmers, so send them to a club where they can enjoy their training (even if they do moan about endurance sets ever once in a while).

It's sad to hear bullying is so rife in clearly a fair number of clubs, and I don't understand what they expect to achieve from it? I now feel very fortunate reading this thread! Our club is run largely by the parents - the head and assistant head coach, plus one other coach at the entry level (who I know used to have a swimmer with us) are the only ones who don't have current swimmers or are a swimmer with the club themselves - I don't know if this is the norm, but it certainly helps the culture and hasn't affected the medal success of the club. We are in Bedfordshire

This sounds like a lovely club. Can I ask where in the country it is? (Our club is the bullying kind unfortunately)

We go for a trial on Monday and I’d say we will be successful and I will get great pleasure in applying for my transfer as he has to release my swim number I feel like the end is in sight

We go for a trial on Monday and I’d say we will be successful and I will get great pleasure in applying for my transfer as he has to release my swim number I feel like the end is in sight

We switched clubs 3 years ago due to a coach like this. Never looked back.

I am dumbfounded by this.

its so hard to watch as my son loves swimming and has been in the club for 8 years but obviously has hit a developmental block as far as the changes a young person body goes through at different stages in life but instead of building a scaffolding around my son and helping him throughout this phase he chisels away at him and only sees the fault I watch from gallery and see others do the same things but he only sees what my son does my son wants to confront him I said son you can’t say anything to him go will come across as being cheeky my sons response was that’s what’s wrong he gets away with it because no one will stand up to him in regards to thing we receive via emails notices from him everything tells me he is a bully and a narcissistic person no matter what he will have the last say

As has been said above, switch clubs. I'm not hugely experienced as we are only 3.5yrs in (with covid in the middle) with 1 DC and 6 months with the other, but this is definitely not the culture at our club. The coaches are great, giving whole lane advice when something's not being done right (as a spectator I can see it is very often only 1 swimmer making the mistake but it is addressed as if a group problem, so no singling out) but individual praise for improvement. They work their swimmers hard with high expectations (even my 6yo!), but have a laugh too. When they know a DC is having an off session they often ignore all the mistakes entirely and just let them get on with doing the best they can (this was DD1 this morning!). I swim with their masters group at the same time as the older/teen DCs, and see the same coaching there too. At galas the DCs are really supportive of each other too - so much high fiving or hugs when things haven't gone so well. They celebrate each other's success. We have lucked out with our club, but I'm sure it isn't the only supportive one out there.

This sounds like I wrote this my son is experiencing the same treatment and it's from the head coach nothing he does is right and he only seems to see his mistakes we are on the verge of moving as this coach will never change and I would be out of my dept trying to take him on he is to powerful has an answer for everything my son is just turned 14 swims 5 mornings a week and get no praise whatsoever

Not all clubs are like this. I'd approach a few clubs and ask for a trial - it will allow you to meet team and coach and see what the dynamic is like.

Being shouted at and not enjoying it is the quickest way for a child to give up sport.

I can only speak for my experience @Maryjane3227 and say I've never seen anything like that at all.

I wonder if its all a bit more high powered and pressured around London as presumably there are more issues with pool access. Can you find out about other clubs in your locality?

I'm in exactly this situation. My son is almost 13. He just came back from swimming, told me he got out the pool as the coach was shouting at him that if he couldn't improve his personal best by 10 seconds, he wasn't trying hard enough. Another child was crying. My ex takes him, and says this has been happening for about 6 weeks now.
The coach even had a go at him when he accidentally breathed some water back into his nose and coughed.
I love the discipline and resilience that going to 3 or 4 training sessions a week and sometimes experiencing galas has given my son. But this seems like bullying.
Is this what he is likely to experience at other clubs too?
I asked him does he want to switch to a different one but if this culture is everywhere else too, I guess we just won't bother.

Have you managed to deal with him?

Sorry to hear what has happened op but I have to agree with other posters , this guy is an out and out bully.
Wether he likes your son or not is immaterial he should be professional enough to rise above his own personal likes and dislikes and remember your son is a little boy who does not deserve this kind of treatment.
If you do take him to a further training session I would go with your husband and one of you speak to him before the next training session starts and let him know in no uncertain terms that if he shouts or upsets your child again you will not be holding back and will also be raising a formal complaint against him . He is an out and out nasty piece of work.
Let you boy know that being shouted and humiliated like that is not acceptable . If it’s in front of the other kids their parents and coaches so be it he needs a taste of his own medicine.
GOOD LUCK.👍

Hi OP, in longer time, you should probably think about how to unpick the issues that you're obviously struggling with here.

In the immediate future you need to protect your child, and at the moment, every time you send him back, you are not protecting your child. I may be completely off here and apologies if so, but I'm not sure whether you fully emotionally grasp that you don't have to send your child back. You really don't. No one is going to turn up at your door and demand that you send him back.

Your job is not to change the coach. You have not failed because you aren't able to change the coach's personality. Your job is to protect your son and ensure that he doesn't attract abusers and bullies in the future because the coach has programmed him to accept bad treatment. The coach is a bully and dealing with bullies feels insurmountable at the moment. So don't send him back. You don't have to contact the club and tell them you're withdrawing your child. You don't have to complain. You just don't take your child to the pool. Does that sound doable?

[quote SchoolOaks]@ChristmasC, to you and your son. A grow up in a position of power humiliated your 10 year old who was dressed fro swimming in front of a crowd of people? That's 100% out of order. Do not let this go. Complain to Swim England as per the pp's link and do not send your son back until that person has undergone training and apologised to your son. It is outrageously inappropriate. In the 80s and 90s this sort of behaviour from some teachers and coaches was par of the course and we just had to suck it up but not today. Go after that bastard.[/quote]
well said, get his knuckles rapped. no place for bullying.

I mean this gently - you are you, you are in a situation you didn't choose but your told now is very simple. You put your own feelings of worry to the side and defend your child's interests.

You can do this.

Sorry to be harsh but grow some balls and stand up for your son
On two occasions you have let a grown man bully and humiliate him to the point of him being in tears
It is completely and utterly unacceptable
I feel so sorry for your son
Bullies get away with this behaviour because no one stands up to them
I wouldn't care how much my child enjoyed (I'm honestly not sure how he can say he enjoys it) being part of the club, I would take them out immediately.
I wouldn't even bother trying to sort it out. There's nothing to sort out. I wouldn't want my child to be part of a club where they employ coaches like this and other coaches are witnessing the behaviour and nothing is done about it.
I'd then go full on anger mode and complain to every possible avenue and wouldn't stop until he is sacked

I’m not surprised there was a second incident of yelling shortly after the first. You have described a pattern of escalation and unfortunately in the coaches eyes your silence has sanctioned his behaviour

This coach has weighed up you and your dh.

Stop paying this arsehole to bully your son. Take him out today and complain.

Stop paying this man to abuse your boy.

I genuinely don't understand why your child is still at this club